We are grateful to our celebrity “friends” who make guest appearances or merit a mention at Dreamaticus, especially those who make frequent contributions to our revery. From presidents to porn stars, and drummers to divas, they are all here!
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- Abba in Abba dancing disappointment (Rousse)
- Diane Abbott MP in Malcolm Bradbury and Diane Abbott predict the next bestseller (Rousse)
- Jacqui Abbott in Disney millionnaire discovers rare Morrissey album in Stockton-on-Tees (Rousse)
- AC/DC in AC/DC concert in China (Rousse)
- Action Man in Mining hippos and Action Man’s lunchbox (Belle)
- Tony Adams in Belle falls in love
- Adele in Adele: opening keynote speaker (Rousse)
- Maggie Aderin-Pocock in Maggie the monster (Rousse)
- Chris Addison in A missed opportunity to bed Chris Addison (Rousse)
- Aitch (Harrison Armstrong) in Belle and Aitch on the ball
- Damon Albarn in Tweeting, blogging and all that comes between (Rousse)
- Brian Aldridge in Robot nurses, pastel ponies and a boob transplant (Belle)
- Jennifer Aldridge in Robot nurses, pastel ponies and a boob transplant (Belle)
- Ruaridh Aldridge in A stone age date with Ruaridh Aldridge (Rousse)
- Alice in Wonderland in Alice in Wonderland attraction (Rousse)
- Keith Allen in Nicholas Parsons ruins rave (Belle)
- Kingsley Amis in A frustrating author mix-up (Belle)
- Clive Anderson in Rousse misses Clive Anderson – just; Rousse makes her choice from the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppets, Ruby Wax, and Clive Anderson
- Jean Anderson in A trip to the theatre and slunk economics (Belle)
- Junior Andre in Katie Price’s (aka Jordan) career on the conference circuit, and a life of crime in Australia (Rousse)
- Princess Andre in Katie Price’s (aka Jordan) career on the conference circuit, and a life of crime in Australia (Rousse)
- Prince Andrew in Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse); News of Michael Jackson’s death takes time to register back in the 1970s (Rousse)
- Angelina Ballerina in Angelina Ballerina fans interviewed by Rolf Harris (Belle)
- Jennifer Aniston in Jennifer Aniston declares Englsih knickers ‘best in the world (Rousse)
- Anne of Green Gables in Nurse Belle of Green Gables
- Princess Anne in Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight; News of Michael Jackson’s death takes time to register back in the 1970s (Rousse); Princess Anne, a posh prat, polar bears, and perfume preferences (Rousse); Princess Anne’s trip to Jenners (Rousse); In conversation with the Princess Royal (Rousse); The Princess Royal, a self-driving car, and a traffic accident (Rousse)
- David Archer in Over the Archer’s paving stones for an aborted walk to the beach (Rousse)
- Jill Archer in Jill Archer steps in (Rousse)
- Pat Archer in Ambridge sensation: Pat Archer is “happy” (Rousse); A ladybird problem and an excess of dry goods at Bridge Farm, Ambridge (Rousse)
- Ruth Archer in Over the Archer’s paving stones for an aborted walk to the beach (Rousse)
- Tony Archer in Ambridge sensation: Pat Archer is “happy” (Rousse); A ladybird problem and an excess of dry goods at Bridge Farm, Ambridge (Rousse)
- Archbishop of Canterbury in Archbishop of Canterbury reigns over Wembley and David Cameron settles into Edinburgh pied-à-terre (Rousse); Queen and Archbishop of Canterbury join forces to bless new university campus (Rousse)
- Struther Arnott in Rousse reviews the retired and retro
- Joan Armatrading in From Joan Armatrading discussions in Windermere to abandoned babies
- Simon Armitage in The forgotten poet (Belle); Cruising with the poets (Belle)
- Alexander Armstrong in Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong are diamond geezers
- Rowan Atkinson in Rowan Atkinson secrets overheard in hotel lift (Rousse)
- David Attenborough in Young David Attenborough (Rousse)
- Jane Austen in Hugh Bonneville stars in Dreamaticus; Debbie Harry impersonator stars at isolated Yorkshire guest house (Rousse); Treasures of Ophelia and the Brontë sisters (Rousse)
- David Baddiel in A kiss for David Baddiel (Rousse); Richard Osman’s understudy (Rousse); David Baddiel and love (Rousse)
- Bilbo Baggins in Hobbit star turns her talents to Batman (Rousse)
- Stuart Baggs in Stuart Baggs is Rousse’s rebound husband disaster
- Danny Baker in Belle makes Danny Baker laugh; Jools Holland, Danny Baker and strange events in London (Belle)
- Gary Barlow in Gary Barlow punished (Rousse)
- Michel Barnier in Butler dinner guest seeks opinion of Michel Barnier (Rousse)
- Batman in Hobbit star turns her talents to Batman (Rousse)
- Mathew Baynton in A husband murdered over metal gates (Rousse)
- Beastie boys in Belle blasts Beastie boys
- Princess Beatrice in Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight
- Brooklyn Beckham in Travelling with Dr Who by submarine and rental car (Belle)
- David Beckham in Beckham rescues Rousse; Celebrities gather for the wedding of the three-way bride – with Prince William, the Charltons, and Elton John (Rousse); Beckham crisis for HRH Queen Elizabeth II (Rousse); Lost in the airport with David Beckham (Belle); The Queen’s babies and David Beckham’s bikini line (Belle); Topless David Beckham’s River Tweed tattooist (Rousse); David Beckham in disguise (Rousse); Disguised David and Victoria Beckham murder distraction (Rousse); Dinner with the Beckhams (Rousse)
- Victoria Beckham in Victoria Beckham brightens Rousse’s conference woes; Victoria Beckham’s puppy (Rousse); Beckham crisis for HRH Queen Elizabeth II (Rousse); Traffic terror on the A1 and a reunion with the Spice Girls (Rousse); David Beckham in disguise (Rousse); Disguised David and Victoria Beckham murder distraction (Rousse)
- Richard Beckinsale in Richard Beckinsale offers protection against death eaters (Rousse)
- Ludwig van Beethoven in Sarah Millican breeds the Beatles with Beethoven (Rousse)
- The Beatles in Sarah Millican breeds the Beatles with Beethoven (Rousse)
- Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell in Dame Jocelyn Bell Burnell and the strange shoe switch (Rousse)
- Lillian Bellamby in Reflections of the Archers love triangle in real life (Rousse)
- Tony Bennett in Lulu and Morrissey in surprising duet (Belle)
- Floella Benjamin in An unhappy house swap (Belle)
- Beowulf in A reunion with Gandalf, Dumbledore, Beowulf, and Basil Fawlty (Rousse); Afternoons in bed with Beowulf (Rousse)
- Mary Berry in Cake decoration disappointment (Belle)
- Christopher Biggins in A hunt for Christopher Biggins near the offices of Forth FM (Rousse)
- Chandler Bing in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse); Friends con and a pink fantasy fairytale princess (Rousse)
- Tom Binns in Tom Binns, Kev F Sutherland, a trip on the Titanic, and a disputed thesis (Rousse)
- Blondie in Partying in the castle and tales of Blondie (Rousse)
- Orlando Bloom in Off-set with (ugly) Orlando Bloom (Rousse)
- Heston Blumenthal in Let down by Heston Blumenthal (Belle)
- Gilbert Blythe in Nurse Belle of Green Gables
- James Bond in James Bond and a hand-knit metallic jumper surprise (Rousse)
- Hugh Bonneville in Hugh Bonneville stars in Dreamaticus (Belle) and Hugh Bonneville hugs Belle
- David Bowie in The Glasgow School of Spelling, David Bowie, Andy Warhol, Limmy, and a retirement home for celebrities (Rousse); David Bowie’s alter ego commutes with child (Belle); Dinner with Bowie (Belle); A double birthday surprise with Moomins (Rousse); David Bowie’s shower attachment (Rousse); David Bowie imposter financial scam (Rousse)
- Professor Sir Malcolm Bradbury in Malcolm Bradbury and Diane Abbott predict the next bestseller (Rousse)
- Melvyn Bragg in Melvyn Bragg’s editor, boasts about The Sound of Music, and other distractions keep Rousse away from class
- Kenneth Branagh in Kenneth Branagh plays homage to Sir Laurence Olivier, Shakespeare and Henry V (Rousse)
- Russell Brand in Belle’s random ramblings – with bonus Russell Brand; Russell Brand? No, Russell Grant (Belle)
- Richard Branson in Richard Branson and Rod Stewart keep Rousse company in economy
- Marcus Brigstocke in Marcus Brigstocke tour takes in the stationers (Rousse); The private life of Marcus Brigstocke (Rousse); Marcus Brigstocke takes to the stage with mother and daughter duo (Rousse)
- Brienne of Tarth in Brienne of Tarth’s ginger cat (Belle)
- Brontë sisters in Treasures of Ophelia and the Brontë sisters (Rousse)
- Piers Brosnan in Shopping for Morrissey records with Piers Brosnan (Belle); Confused in Essex with Pierce Brosnan (Belle)
- Gordon Brown in Gordon Brown in the background while Rousse begs bags for belongings; Gordon Brown on a train (Rousse); Gordon Brown and hard toilet paper (Rousse)
- Fiona Bruce in Fiona Bruce fake friend (Rousse); Fiona Bruce held up by rabbi (Rousse)
- Basil Brush in Roman latrines, Basil Brush, memorials for loved ones, and a bargain taxi fare (Rousse)
- Rob Brydon in Matt LeBlanc meets Rob Brydon (Rousse); Rob Brydon’s second mother (Rousse); Rob Brydon and Sarah Millican top Rousse’s bill; Rob Brydon’s new love (Rousse); Rob Brydon kiss and tell (Rousse); Starring with Rob Brydon (Rousse); David Baddiel and love (Rousse)
- Bubbles in A sequel to The Wire with bonus Barbra Streisand (Belle)
- Phoebe Buffay in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse); Friends con and a pink fantasy fairytale princess (Rousse)
- Richard Burton in Elizabeth Taylor’s multiple husbands not unique (Rousse)
- Nicolas Cage in Mia Farrow generously shares Nicolas Cage and Jack Nicholson with Rousse
- Susan Calman in Susan Calman’s lover (Rousse); Marrying Susan Calman’s ex-wife (Rousse)
- David Cameron in Archbishop of Canterbury reigns over Wembley and David Cameron settles into Edinburgh pied-à-terre (Rousse); David Cameron’s seven-pack centrefold plus numerous other adventures, including one at Buckingham Palace (Rousse); Ed Milliband deposes David Cameron in commons revolt (Rousse); David Cameron brought low by Belle
- Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall in Duchess of Cornwall and the Queen share a drink (Belle); Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall – taxi driver (Rousse); Camilla commemorated in roadside shrine to lost sash (Rousse)
- Nicky Campbell in Nicky Campbell and graphic design with a message (Belle)
- Peter Capaldi in A wedding with Peter Capaldi, and a honeymoon with the Wombles (Rousse)
- Matt Cardle in Matt Cardle asks for help (Belle)
- David Cassidy in David Cassidy steals Belle’s heart – and shoes
- Barbara Castle in When Barbara Castle came for tea (Rousse)
- Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge (see also Kate Middleton below) in Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight; Changing of the bride at Buckingham Palace (Rousse); Kate shops at Topshop (Rousse); Royal family lookalike con (Rousse); Duke and Duchess of Cambridge play Settlers of Catan (Rousse); Duchess of Cambridge travels incognito by public transport to Norwich (Rousse)
- Kim Cattrall in Kim Cattrall’s new best friend (Rousse)
- Rosemary Chalmers (Simpsons character) in Simpsons character unleashes latest computer virus (Rousse)
- King Charles III (see also Prince Charles) in King Charles takes the replacement bus service (Rousse)
- Prince Charles (see also King Charles III) in Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse); News of Michael Jackson’s death takes time to register back in the 1970s (Rousse); Princess Diana reunites with Prince Charles (Rousse); Commoner with dodgy relations is second in line to the UK throne (Rousse)
- Charles II in Rousse withholds confectionery and debates fun at work; Housework versus helicopter trip: a courtier of Charles II helps Rousse decide; Mid-afternoon okey cokey fun ruined by Restoration battle vandal (Rousse); King Charles II and Cardinal Wolsey prime candidates for Obama replacement (Rousse)
- Bobby Charlton in Celebrities gather for the wedding of the three-way bride – with Prince William, the Charltons, and Elton John (Rousse)
- Jack Charlton in Celebrities gather for the wedding of the three-way bride – with Prince William, the Charltons, and Elton John (Rousse); Jack Charlton fisherman (Rousse); Jack Charlton shakes off fans in Cardiff (Rousse)
- Chewbacca in Hairy Star Wars sidekick Chewbacca comes to take Rousse home
- Adrian Chiles in Adrian Chiles still sensitive over divorce from Jane Garvey (Rousse)
- Chitty Chitty Bang Bang in Ramona Marquez stars as Jordan in birthday biopic (Rousse)
- Winston Churchill in Belle learns the law but is slow to get the joke; Sir Winston Churchill’s memorial statue signer (Rousse)
- Eric Clapton in Eric Clapton, his girlfriend, and the sea monster (Rousse)
- Warren Clarke in Warren Clarke horse date fail (Rousse)
- Jeremy Clarkson in The real reason why Jeremy Clarkson was forced to leave the BBC (Rousse)
- Julian Clary in Julian Clary, seals, and a dolphin on the Isle of Harris (Rousse)
- John Cleese in John Cleese distraction (Rousse)
- Nick Clegg in Clegg house fire (Rousse)
- Bill Clinton in Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and bitcoins (Belle)
- George Clooney in George Clooney autograph bonanza (Rousse); George Clooney charms Edinburgh (Rousse); Tom Cruise is half-Korean (Rousse); George Clooney and a Sisters of Mercy lookalike above the snow line (Rousse)
- Glenn Close in Glenn Close, knowledge management, and an over-committed academic (Rousse)
- François Cluzet in A French post office heist (Belle)
- Cheryl Cole in Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Gillian McKeith disappoint (Rousse)
- Leonard Cohen in Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen at the National Library of Scotland (Rousse)
- Phil Collins in Phil Collins frightened (Rousse); Phil Collins’ Ghostbusters dance (Rousse); Phil Collins flies first class (Rousse)
- Sir Sean Connery in Sir Sean Connery and Simon Cowell appalled by aging actress’ wig (Rousse); Dogs days with Sir Sean Connery (Rousse)
- Billy Connolly in Billy Connolly and his kids trick tourists while the Queen keeps track of village crime (Rousse); Cheese throwing with Billy Connolly (Rousse)
- Ronnie Corbett in Ronnie Corbett and Helen Mirren to star in Four weddings remake (Rousse); Ronnie Corbett goes to university (Rousse)
- Jeremy Corbyn in Jeremy Corbyn goes green (Rousse)
- James Corden in James Corden, Johnny Vegas, and a couple of neglected twins (Rousse); Triple dating with James Corden (Belle)
- Billy Corkhill in A scouse wedding – but not to Paul Merton (Belle)
- Corky and the Juice Pigs in Men with guns in shopping mall (Rousse)
- Elvis Costello in Elvis Costello and Libby Purves forced to share scant office space at the BBC (Rousse)
- Noël Coward in Noël Coward’s sick sense of humour and fridges full of carcasses (Rousse); A visit to the Manchester United and BBC comb factory (Belle)
- Simon Cowell in Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Gillian McKeith disappoint (Rousse); Simon Cowell and Outlook calendar chaos (Rousse); Sir Sean Connery and Simon Cowell appalled by aging actress’ wig (Rousse); A record deal with Simon Cowell (Rousse); Bilingual pre-school songstress wows Simon Cowell (Rousse); Simon Cowell champions women in science (Rousse); Simon Cowell puts in a (fake) appearance (Rousse)
- Courtney Cox in Bob Dylan’s secret muse (Rousse)
- Ian Craig in Marrying a fictional gay chef (Belle)
- John Craven in John Craven and the Yellow Brick Road (Belle)
- Matt Crawford in Reflections of the Archers love triangle in real life (Rousse)
- Russell Crowe in Clever words with Russell Crowe (Belle)
- Tom Cruise in Tom Cruise seeks relationship advice and attempts to convert Rousse at restaurant; Tom Cruise manoeuvres to reach Hexham in a hurry (Rousse); Tom Cruise is half-Korean (Rousse)
- Barry Cryer in Lunch with Barry Cryer (Rousse); Barry Cryer’s autograph (Rousse)
- Benedict Cumberbatch in ‘Sherlock’ at the fish Olympics (Belle)
- Phil Cunningham in Phil Cunningham plays Edinburgh – to an audience of three (Rousse)
- Tony Curtis in Tony Curtis and the world’s least imaginative quiche (Belle)
- Sinéad Cusack in Good enough for Sting and Trudie, Jeremy and Sinéad, and even the Queen – but not good enough for Rousse
- Peter Cushing in This charming man – Belle
- St Cuthbert in Ab Fab’s Patsy Stone meets St Edwin Lutyens (Rousse)
- Roald Dahl in Hidden drugs and a Roald Dahl poster in a tube (Rousse)
- President Wensley Dale in A difficult climb half dressed (Belle)
- Tess Daly in Vernon Kay, Tess Daly and a mouse (Belle)
- Oswald Danes in Oswald Danes plies an evil trade in Edinburgh (Rousse)
- Darth Vader in Rousse’s Darth Vader impersonation reaps rewards
- John Darwin in The mystery of canoe man John Darwin’s lottery win (Rousse)
- Evan Davies in Evan Davies interviews for ‘How bad was my week?’
- Phil Davis in Time travel to the 1960s, a meeting with Phil Davis, and a stolen bracelt (Rousse)
- Bette Davis in Judge Judy and some Hollywood greats (Belle)
- Sammy Davis Junior in On the tiles with Sammy Davis Jr (Belle)
- Doris Day in Streisand marries Nolte – and Palin! (Belle)
- Robert de Niro in A transformative pistachio suit (Belle)
- Dead Cat Bounce in Men with guns in shopping mall (Rousse)
- Jack Dee in Jack Dee gets the giggles with Rousse in the shower; Jack Dee, school girls in gingham blouses, and dental floss (Rousse)
- Dame Judi Dench in On holiday with Dame Juid Dench and a trip to the ball (Rousse)
- Gérard Depardieu in Space travel, trains and boats (Belle)
- Johnny Depp in Johnny Depp’s pseudonym (Belle); Johnny Depp at the FA cup final (Belle)
- Didier Deschamps in Didier Deschamps: another fake football boyfriend (Belle)
- Diana, Princess of Wales in Belle cooks Rousse’s bacon and applauds Princess Diana; Rousse’s new best friend is Princess Diana; New Diana revelations, courtesy of Ian Hislop (Rousse); Princess Diana reunites with Prince Charles (Rousse); Royal family lookalike con (Rousse)
- Neil Diamond in Neil Diamond concert gate-crasher (Rousse)
- Charles Dickens in Belle’s busy night; Charles Dickens meets Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor (Belle); Charles Dickens’ wife ponders the impracticalities of the Victorian sex scene (Rousse)
- Dire Straits in Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse)
- Ken Dodd in A visit to the Manchester United and BBC comb factory (Belle)
- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle in Belle beats Conan Doyle
- Charlie Drake in Security enforcement with Charlie Drake and sliding with Suggs (Belle)
- Don Draper in Trop Belle pour moi
- Duke of Northumberland in Lost Shakespeare play: Rousse plays the leading lady
- Dumbledore in A reunion with Gandalf, Dumbledore, Beowulf, and Basil Fawlty (Rousse)
- Richard Dunbar in Drugs and Richard Dunbar (Rousse)
- Duran Duran in Duran Duran and a new TV detective drama (Rousse)
- Bob Dylan in Bob Dylan’s secret muse (Rousse); Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen at the National Library of Scotland (Rousse)
- Earhart, Amelia in Balderdash, chocolate buttons and Amelia Earhart (Rousse)
- Christopher Eccleston in Between Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant: another Dr Who (Rousse)
- Sir Anthony Eden in Saving Sir Anthony Eden from infected flies and imprisonment (Rousse)
- Prince Edward in Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse)
- Dave Eggers in Tom Skelton’s one man show, a dress from Woolworths, Dave Eggers, and icing penguins (Rousse)
- Elbow in A glimpse of summer and fears of infection (Rousse); Elbow announce novel support act (Rousse)
- Elizabeth II in Queen cuts down official duties (Rousse); Duchess of Cornwall and the Queen share a drink (Belle); Good enough for Sting and Trudie, Jeremy and Sinéad, and even the Queen – but not good enough for Rousse; Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight; Queen meets her great-great grandmother in holographic form (Rousse); Queen and Archbishop of Canterbury join forces to bless new university campus (Rousse); Queen and Duke of Edinburgh spend Christmas with commoners in Northumberland (Rousse); Billy Connolly and his kids trick tourists while the Queen keeps track of village crime (Rousse); Queen’s safety compromised by ‘sleepover break-in’ at Grey Gables (Rousse); Princess Anne, a posh prat, polar bears, and perfume preferences (Rousse); Long dead grandmother turns up in Queen’s bedroom (Rousse); An audience with the Queen at Buckingham Palace (Rousse); Travelling by minibus for tea with the Queen at Holyrood Palace (Rousse); The Queen’s babies and David Beckham’s bikini line (Belle); Meeting a metal-framed monarch mother at the New York mausoleum (Rousse); In conversation with the Princess Royal (Rousse); Queen honours crocodile-tailed, Tweed-suited swimmer (Rousse); Mrs Thatcher goes to the loo (Rousse); Doubts over Queen’s health in run-up to royal wedding, while marine mammals rule the waves (Rousse); A floppy disk photograph of Trump’s London parade (Rousse); Full make-up for a queen (Rousse); HM the Queen stars in new Netflix documentary (Belle); A sequinned queen (Rousse); Neon pink Queen in Gloucester (Rousse); Queen demands payment (Belle); Introducing Queen Manchester (Rousse); A mop and a scheming queen (Rousse); Two dead queens and a kitchen conga (Rousse)
- Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother in A bike and a beach hut at the Queen Mother’s funeral (Rousse); Meeting a metal-framed monarch mother at the New York mausoleum (Rousse); Two dead queens and a kitchen conga (Rousse)
- Alison Elliot in Dangers of regifting unwanted presents (Rousse)
- Lewis Ellis (contestant in The Apprentice series 15) in The Apprentice’s Lewis Ellis graduates (Rousse)
- David Elstein in Donald Trump will run for President: exclusive interview from David Elstein’s offices (Rousse)
- Eminem in Eminem and a marriage proposal (Belle); Eminem and me (Belle); Eminem’s fiancé (Belle)
- Rupert Everett in Failed dirty weekend with UK’s leading homosexual (Belle)
- Marianne Faithful in Belle is an expert on sixties singers
- The Farmer’s Boys in Bonding with Radcliffe and Maconie over the Farmer’s Boys and the BBC (Rousse)
- Mia Farrow in Mia Farrow generously shares Nicolas Cage and Jack Nicholson with Rousse
- Basil Fawlty in A reunion with Gandalf, Dumbledore, Beowulf, and Basil Fawlty (Rousse)
- Sir Alex Ferguson in Rousse’s trip to Spain uncovers NHS zombie and Sir Alex Ferguson’s secret chateau
- Frank Ferrer in Guns, roses, a trouser press and trains (Rousse)
- Noel Fielding in Noel Fielding on a first date (Belle)
- Craig Fields (New York Bully Crew) in Pit bull rescue goes over the edge (Belle)
- Albert Finney in Albert Finney ad man (Rousse)
- Colin Firth in Colin Firth’s tatty affair (Rousse)
- Laurence Fishburne in Going underground with Laurence Fishburne (Belle)
- Ella Fitzgerald in Bilingual pre-school songstress wows Simon Cowell (Rousse)
- Harrison Ford in A new job in football, the tardis, and a night with Harrison Ford (Belle)
- Bruce Forsyth in Bruce Forsyth’s competition (Rousse); Barber Bruce Forsyth (Rousse)
- Dawn French in Rousse misses Clive Anderson – just
- Robert Frost in Robert Frost and dye (Rousse)
- Stephen Fry in Belle practises party pyrotechnics, almost with Stephen Fry; Stephen Fry and other uninvited guests (Rousse); Stephen Fry scoffs (Rousse); Stephen Fry saves the world (Belle); Stephen Fry gone in a Wispa (Rousse); Stephen Fry heads to the Pennines with Hugh Laurie in hope of a big prize (Rousse); Stephen Fry intervenes in University of Edinburgh gaffe (Rousse); Stephen Fry’s bathroom (Rousse); Mr Stephen Fry (Rousse); Stephen Fry turns up nose at roll up soap bag (Rousse); Stephen Fry stalker (Rousse)
- Clark Gable in Judge Judy and some Hollywood greats (Belle)
- Lady Gaga in Angela Lansbury’s handbag and Lady Gaga’s wig (Belle); Eminem’s fiancé (Belle); Lazy Lady Gaga (Rousse)
- Galen in Hugh Bonneville stars in Dreamaticus
- Gandalf in A reunion with Gandalf, Dumbledore, Beowulf, and Basil Fawlty (Rousse)
- Bruno Ganz in A chandelier accident and a stolen tricycle (Belle)
- Greta Garbo in Greta Garbo Oxford shame (Rousse)
- Graeme Garden in Graeme Garden’s elasticated stockings and a railway car chase (Rousse)
- Fionn Gardner in Irish politics and star of the Voice Fionn Gardner (Rousse)
- Judy Garland in Judy Garland learner driver (Rousse)
- Alan Garner in Alan Garner time travels (Belle)
- Jane Garvey in Jane Garvey lies about her student days (Rousse); Jane Garvey acrobat commentary, bad taste in clothes, and slum living (Rousse); Simon le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion (Rousse); Adrian Chiles still sensitive over divorce from Jane Garvey (Rousse)
- Monica Geller in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse); Friends con and a pink fantasy fairytale princess (Rousse)
- Ross Geller in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse); Friends con and a pink fantasy fairytale princess (Rousse)
- Prince George of Cambridge in Prince George’s part-time passion and a romantic near-miss (Rousse)
- Mahatma Ghandi in A new leader for the Labour party and a mouthful of “worms” (Belle)
- Gilbert and George in A visit to Gilbert and George’s pizzeria (Belle)
- Marco Giovino in Shall I stay or shall I go now? (Rousse)
- God in God, fish, chips and helping out Rousse
- Whoopi Goldberg in Whoopi Goldberg party guest (Rousse)
- Gollum in Legacy of Lord of the Rings – will Gollum make adulthood unscathed? (Rousse)
- Gloria Grahame in Tussling with a drag queen and making Michael Portillo cry (Belle)
- Cary Grant in TV crew trapped in Cary Grant’s Bristol dining room (Rousse)
- Hugh Grant in Hugh Grant lookalike lost in the US (Rousse); Ditching a Hugh Grant lookalike leads to divorce disaster number 2 (Rousse); Hugh Grant lookalike cited in affair accusations (Rousse); A charmed life working for Gary Linker and sleeping with Hugh Grant (Rousse); Hugh Grant lookalike in tattoo trouble (Rousse); Hugh Grant purchases train ticket in public (Rousse); Hugh Grant returns (Rousse); Hugh Grant’s wife spills sex story beans (Rousse); Brad Pitt in the bedroom (Rousse)
- Russell Grant in Russell Brand? No, Russell Grant (Belle)
- Sheila Grant in A scouse wedding – but not to Paul Merton (Belle)
- Andy Gray in Andy Gray takes to the stage in Kev F Sutherland’s latest show (Rousse)
- Rachel Green in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse)
- Tamsin Greig in Tamsin Greig caught up in sewage crisis (Rousse)
- Florence Griffith Joyner in Flo-Jo and the mermaid marathon (Rousse)
- Rupert Grint in Time-travelling Rupert Grint (as Ron Weasley) greets Rousse in the Kingdom of Fife; Chasing Rupert Grint in the dark (Rousse); Poultry parkour, a strawberry queen and Harry Potter decoration (Belle)
- Clarrie Grundy in Clarrie Grundy falls victim to loan shark (Rousse)
- Ed Grundy in Amorous Archers intentions (Belle)
- Woody Guthrie in REF2021 criteria and Woody Guthrie mix-up (Rousse)
- Derek Guyler in A priest, a policeman, and a haunted motorbike (Belle)
- Brian Hall in Commuting by “Fawlty Towers” ocean liner (Belle)
- John Hamm in Don Draper, a dog and a dinosaur (Belle)
- Tom Hanks in Tom Hanks – police officer, lover (Belle)
- Rolf Harris in Rolf Harris mon amour (Belle); Angelina Ballerina fans interviewed by Rolf Harris (Belle)
- George Harrison in The fifth Beatle (Rousse)
- Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex in Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse); At school with Prince Harry (Belle); Harry the photographer prince (Rousse); Princes Harry and William at the ice pageant (Belle); Prince Harry and high heels (Rousse); William and Harry join team to clean up and revitalise Leith docks (Rousse); Prince William caught in tatty blazer (Rousse); Prince Harry’s sobs (Rousse)
- Debbie Harry in Debbie Harry impersonator stars at isolated Yorkshire guest house (Rousse)
- Miss Haversham in Miss Haversham awaits her husband while Rousse loses hers; Post-PhD depression – Miss Haversham style (Rousse)
- Stephen Hawking in Airport pranks with Stephen Hawking (Belle)
- Shula Hebden-Lloyd in Rob Titchener escapes hospital with firearm and an intent to kill (Rousse)
- Marie Helvin in Marie Helvin shops for shoes (Rousse)
- Henry V in Kenneth Branagh plays homage to Sir Laurence Olivier, Shakespeare and Henry V (Rousse)
- Henry VIII in Belle’s busy night; Bedroom design ideas (Rousse)
- Lennie Henry in Belle and Lennie Henry
- Bernard Hepton in Meghan Markle mocks marriage (Belle)
- Herman and the Hermits in Herman’s hermits’ secret identity (Rousse)
- James Herriot in An audience with James Herriot (Rousse)
- Nick Hewer in Nick Hewer waves off candidate for china restoration and robot building roles (Rousse)
- Bill Hicks in Inspired by Bill Hicks (Rousse)
- Tom Hiddlestone in Humping Hiddlestone (Belle); A toilet knee-trembler with Tom Hiddleston (Belle)
- Bobby Hill in Tubby topless teen teacher (Belle)
- Dave Hill in Slade original line-up is back on the road again (Rousse)
- Melanie Hill in A scouse wedding – but not to Paul Merton (Belle)
- Ian Hislop in New Diana revelations, courtesy of Ian Hislop (Rousse); Catastrophic Christmas cooking (Belle)
- Amanda Holden in Bra-less wife misses dinner date with Amanda Holden (Rousse)
- Noddy Holder in Slade original line-up is back on the road again (Rousse)
- Jools Holland in Jools Holland, Danny Baker and strange events in London (Belle)
- Alan Hollinghurst in Alan Hollinghurst leads double life as computing lecturer (Rousse)
- Katie Holmes in Tom Cruise seeks relationship advice and attempts to convert Rousse at restaurant
- Dame Kelly Holmes in A prediction, skewered prawns, and rude remarks about Dame Kelly Holmes (Rousse)
- Sherlock Holmes in ‘Sherlock’ at the fish Olympics (Belle)
- Captain Hook in A crocodile in Edinburgh (Rousse)
- Whitney Houston in Tesco domination (Rousse)
- Katie Hopkins in Katie Hopkins on University Challenge (Rousse)
- Sir Chris Hoy in A wedding with Sir Chris Hoy (Rousse)
- Sean Hughes in Rousse’s reunion
- Kate Humble in Kate Humble sets up brewing business (Rousse)
- John Humphries in Boobs at breakfast and John Humphries at the Job Centre (Rousse)
- Humpty Dumpty in Humpty Dumpty’s illegal move (Rousse)
- Hammond Innes in A disappointing kiss and book jacket design by nightmare (Belle)
- Jeremy Irons in Good enough for Sting and Trudie, Jeremy and Sinéad, and even the Queen – but not good enough for Rousse
- Jason Isaacs in Hello to Jason Isaacs- twice (Belle); Jason Isaacs tattoo artist (Belle); Orange shopping with Jason Isaacs (Belle)
- Hugh Jackman in Hugh Jackman hosts 2020 tech movers and shakers event (Rousse)
- Michael Jackson in News of Michael Jackson’s death takes time to register back in the 1970s (Rousse)
- Bianca Jagger in A transformative pistachio suit (Belle)
- Mick Jagger in Mick Jagger’s rucksack (Rousse); Mick Jagger tops celebrity guest list at Pope’s parade (Rousse); Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse); Minuscule Mick Jagger on Desert Island Discs (Rousse)
- David Jason in David Jason hides in car boot (Rousse)
- Ron Jeremy in Mark Kermode does a runner (Belle)
- Elton John in Fashion must-haves: white shorts, a purple cape and a supply of knickers, plus Elton John (Rousse); Mention of Elton John and exotic work trips sets off swoon (Rousse); Elton John and the transsexual mother-of-the-bride (Rousse); Elton John’s red and white singalong at Covent Garden (Rousse); Elton John and George Michael row in Danish sauna (Rousse)
- Rhys John in Starring with Rob Brydon (Rousse)
- Boris Johnson in Boris Johnson’s PhD (Rousse); Boris Johnson recommends bingo and a steak (Rousse); In the office with Barack Obama and Boris Johnson (Belle); Boris Johnson Coronavirus date (Rousse); Donald Trump the thief, Boris Johnson the fool (Rousse); Boris Johnson wedding (Rousse); A return to University after lockdown (Rousse); Equestrian wear for Boris Johnson (Rousse); Boris Johnson’s secret farm house tryst (Rousse)
- Dwayne Johnson in A very short-lived relationship with Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (Belle)
- Indiana Jones in From Molière to Indiana Jones: the dramas of Rousse continue
- Sir Mark Jones in Redundancies at the V&A and a pair of curious twins (Rousse)
- Suranne Jones in Suranne Jones saves the day (Rousse)
- Angelina Jolie in Angelina Jolie spotted by nobody but Rousse, an unplanned pregnancy and Lenten gifts; Brad Pitt tattoos his forehead in latest celebrity revelation (Rousse)
- Jordan – see Katie Price (below)
- Josie and the Pussycats in Belle fakes expertise
- Judge Judy in Judge Judy and some Hollywood greats (Belle)
- Alex Kapranos in Alex Kapranos’ baby (Rousse)
- Vernon Kay in Vernon Kay, Tess Daly and a mouse (Belle)
- Martha Kearney in Martha Kearney and the no knickers interview for Women’s Hour (Rousse)
- Joe Keery in Joe Keery lookalike is a Stranger Thing (Rousse)
- Grace Kelly in Belle co-stars with Grace Kelly and gets nude for four in a tub fun
- Mark Kermode in Mark Kermode does a runner (Belle) and Mark Kermode, spy school and beetroot salad; A fortune in apps, Mark Kermode and Andy Warhol (Belle); Heavenly Chichester with Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode (Belle); On the town with Mark Kermode (Belle)
- Kes (Star Trek Voyager) in Star Trek Voyager’s Neelix and Kes moonlight as fake holiday guests (Rousse
- Rory Kinnear in Rory Kinnear and Belle’s thigh-highs
- Gustav Klimt in The dangers of Internet shopping (Belle)
- Ricki Lake in Ricki Lake, weight loss, and an over-zealous patrol man (Rousse)
- Adam Lambert in Adam Lambert: hairdresser (Rousse)
- Brian Lang in Rousse reviews the retired and retro
- Angela Lansbury in Angela Lansbury’s handbag and Lady Gaga’s wig (Belle)
- Lassie in Old records, new media and Lassie (Belle)
- Hugh Laurie in Stephen Fry heads to the Pennines with Hugh Laurie in hope of a big prize (Rousse); Stephen Fry’s bathroom (Rousse)
- Andrew Lawrence in Andrew Lawrence, the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre, a stranded bride, and the ruler of the universe (Rousse)
- Nigella Lawson in Nigella Lawson versus Gordon Ramsey, and information retrieval with Winnie the Pooh (Rousse); Nigella Lawson’s fairy cakes (Rousse)
- Simon le Bon in Duran Duran and a new TV detective drama (Rousse); Simon Le Bon leaves Yasmin and takes new lover to Aberdeen caravan hideaway (Rousse); Simon le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion (Rousse)
- Yasmin Le Bon in Simon Le Bon leaves Yasmin and takes new lover to Aberdeen caravan hideaway (Rousse)
- Donald Leach in Dangers of regifting unwanted presents (Rousse)
- Matt LeBlanc in Matt LeBlanc promotes Episodes by signing autographs and decorating a cake at Chateau Impney (Rousse); Matt LeBlanc meets Rob Brydon (Rousse)
- Stewart Lee in Rousse in the rain
- Lucinda Legerwood in Lucinda Legerwood awarded PhD (Rousse)
- Jennifer Lien (as Kes in Star Trek Voyager) in Star Trek Voyager’s Neelix and Kes moonlight as fake holiday guests (Rousse)
- Chris Lilley in A comedian, lipstick on a hairbrush and a conference with rottweilers (Belle)
- Brian Limond (Limmy) in The Glasgow School of Spelling, David Bowie, Andy Warhol, Limmy, and a retirement home for celebrities (Rousse)
- Gary Lineker in A charmed life working for Gary Linker and sleeping with Hugh Grant (Rousse)
- Carl Linnaeus (Carl von Linné) in Graffiti vandal cites Linnaeus Species Plantarum (1753) as defence (Rousse)
- Anne Lister in Under attack from Gentleman Jack (Rousse)
- Blake Lively in Why Belle woke up tired
- David Lodge in Anti-terrorism procedures at the Shard (Rousse)
- Arthur Lowe in Arthur Lowe and the penis olympics (Belle)
- Lulu in Lulu and Morrissey in surprising duet (Belle); Lulu in London (Belle); A sauna with cigar-smoking footballers and a frightened Lulu (Belle)
- Sir Edwin Lutyens in in Ab Fab’s Patsy Stone meets Sir Edwin Lutyens (Rousse)
- Brendan Lynch in Redundancies at the Great British Bake Off (Belle)
- Dame Vera Lynn in Rousse marries
- Lady Claire Macdonald in Macdonald clan secrets (Rousse)
- Lord Godfrey Macdonald in Macdonald clan secrets (Rousse)
- Hugh MacLeod of MacLeod in An appointment on the Isle of Skye with Hugh MacLeod of MacLeod (Rousse)
- Ramsey MacMahon in Ramsey MacMahon and a whale (Rousse)
- Stuart Maconie in Mark Radcliffe missing, Stuart Maconie scared (Rousse); Bonding with Radcliffe and Maconie over the Farmer’s Boys and the BBC (Rousse); Stuart Maconie radio chef (Rousse); Rousse favours Stuart Maconie over Mark Radcliffe
- Madonna in Madonna’s lentil stores (Belle); Madonna in blue silk (Rousse)
- Eddie Mair in Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse)
- Nelson Mandela in Nelson Mandela a surprise breakfast guest (Belle)
- Peter Mandelson in Peter Mandelson and the Labour party lodge at Belle’s B&B; Katie Price is a patchwork of plastic surgery (Rousse)
- Barry Manilow in Stolen sausages and Barry Manilow (Belle); Barry Manilow keynote (Rousse)
- Marie Antoinette in Marie Antoinette world record attempt (Rousse)
- Meghan Markle in Meghan Markle mocks marriage (Belle)
- Bob Marley in A greedy wife (Rousse); Bob Marley plays with talent show hopeful (Rousse)
- Ramona Marquez in Ramona Marquez stars as Jordan in birthday biopic (Rousse)
- Guy Masterson in Guy Masterson and the Turkish conference groper (Rousse)
- Cerys Matthews in Cerys Matthews, fortune teller (Belle)
- Theresa May in Theresa May shares priority email address with complete stranger (Rousse); Theresa May’s penchant for red (Rousse); Mrs May thesis caretaker (Rousse)
- Rik Mayall in Rik Mayall and a metal spoon (Rousse)
- Brandon ‘Badger’ Mayhew in Breaking bad in Edinburgh (Rousse)
- Simon Mayo in Heavenly Chichester with Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode (Belle)
- Davina McCall in Poetry, romance and messy bathrooms (Belle); Davina McCall and a husband hunt (Rousse)
- Sir Paul McCartney in Twentieth century icons AJP Taylor and Paul McCartney keep Rousse amused; Sir Paul McCartney in stand-off with serial adulterer (Rousse); A missed appointment with Paul McCartney (Rousse); Sir Paul McCartney sings for the information science community (Rousse); Paul McCartney’s plastic surgeon (Rousse); The fifth Beatle (Rousse); Paul McCartney confesses nothing (Rousse); Paul McCartney and PS I love you (Rousse); Sir Paul McCartney pub quiz dunce (Rousse)
- Kevin McCloud in Kevin McCloud advises Rousse on housing law
- Vicky McClure in Professor Belle gets it on with Jason Statham and Vicky McClure
- Val McDermid in The work of Val McDermid: where to start (Rousse); Val McDermid in hidden class act (Rousse)
- Roddy McDowell in Hugh Bonneville stars in Dreamaticus
- Michael McIntyre in Sorry Michael McIntyre, never seen you (Rousse)
- Gillian McKeith in Simon Cowell, Cheryl Cole and Gillian McKeith disappoint (Rousse)
- Sir Ian McKellan in Stop distracting me, Sir Ian McKellan! (Belle)
- Malcolm McLaren in Malcolm McLaren dons eye patch at degree show (Rousse)
- Alex McLeish in Alex McLeish relishes driving role while Rousse prepares for her test and Rousse’s trip to Spain uncovers NHS zombie and Sir Alex Ferguson’s secret chateau
- Tom McNair in Tom McNair’s coffee morning werewolf competition (Rousse)
- Scott McNealy in Scott McNealy continues to charm (Rousse)
- George Melly in Improvised jazz George Melly style, and a nightie (Belle)
- Paul Merton in A scouse wedding – but not to Paul Merton (Belle)
- George Michael in A lack of stemware, a missing husband, and a woman obsessed with Wham! (Rousse); George Michael’s eyes (Rousse); Elton John and George Michael row in Danish sauna (Rousse)
- Kate Middleton (see also Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, above) in Belle’s bare bottom beauties; Kate Middleton – Belle’s new best friend; Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse); Secret military airbase at Edinburgh airport harbours unexpected relations (Rousse); Best friends of joker William and Kate (Rousse)
- Pippa Middleton in Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight
- Cesar Millan in Belle’s busy night
- Ed Milliband in Ed Milliband deposes David Cameron in commons revolt (Rousse)
- Sarah Millican in Rob Brydon and Sarah Millican top Rousse’s bill; Sarah Millican breeds the Beetles with Beethoven (Rousse)
- Spike Milligan in Grief counselling for pets with Spike Milligan (Belle)
- Kylie Minogue in Humping Hiddlestone (Belle); Chatting with Kylie Minogue and Melanie Sykes in make-up at the BBC (Rousse)
- Helen Mirren in Ronnie Corbett and Helen Mirren to star in Four weddings remake (Rousse); Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong are diamond geezers
- David Mitchell in An afternoon with David Mitchell (Rousse); David Mitchell’s photography one-upmanship lands university professor in trouble (Rousse); David Mitchell’s ancestors and Rabelais (Rousse); My lover David Mitchell (Rousse); Clubbing with David Mitchell (Rousse)
- Victoria Coren Mitchell in David Mitchell’s ancestors and Rabelais (Rousse)
- Molière in From Molière to Indiana Jones: the dramas of Rousse continue
- The Monkees in Belle holidays with the Monkees
- Marilyn Monroe in Marilyn Monroe’s foreknowledge of death (Rousse)
- Bob Monkhouse in Partying with Monkhouse and a monkey (Belle)
- The Moomins in Moomin office delight (Rousse); A double birthday surprise with Moomins (Rousse); Moomin stationery encounter (Rousse)
- Paul Morgan in Reflections of the Archers love triangle in real life (Rousse)
- David Morrisey in David Morrissey spreads gossip (Belle); Messy David Morrissey (Belle)
- Neil Morrissey in A scouse wedding – but not to Paul Merton (Belle)
- (Steven) Morrissey in Lulu and Morrissey in surprising duet (Belle); A mention of Morrissey and Rousse recruits another Facebook stalker; Disney millionnaire discovers rare Morrissey album in Stockton-on-Tees (Rousse); Morrissey ambition achieved (Rousse); Shopping for Morrissey records with Piers Brosnan (Belle); Nothern lads, guitars, drums, and witty lyrics (Rousse)
- Susan Morrison in A deadly bed and breakfast (Rousse)
- Jose Mourinho in An impromptu pedicure with Jose Mourinho (Belle)
- Minnie Mouse in Minnie Mouse insults for big-eared school girl (Rousse)
- Carey Mulligan in Carey Mulligan singalike goes incognito in Paisley (Rousse)
- Rupert Murdoch in Contempt for media mogul Rupert Murdoch (Rousse)
- Dermot Murnaghan in Sharing a cabin with Dermot Murnaghan (Rousse)
- Pete Murphy in Pete Murphy mistaken for Liam Neeson (Rousse)
- Bill Murray in Bill Murray boob man (Belle)
- Andy Murray in Andy Murray and his secret TV quiz show lover (Rousse)
- Kunal Nayyar in Recording artiste AND Big Bang Theory landlady (Belle)
- Neelix (Star Trek Voyager) in Star Trek Voyager’s Neelix and Kes moonlight as fake holiday guests (Rousse)
- Liam Neeson in Pete Murphy mistaken for Liam Neeson (Rousse)
- Olivia Newton-John in Stolen sausages and Barry Manilow (Belle); Tom Cruise seeks relationship advice and attempts to convert Rousse at restaurant
- Jack Nicholson in Mia Farrow generously shares Nicolas Cage and Jack Nicholson with Rousse; Sex, firemen and Jack Nicholson (Belle)
- Nick Nolte in Streisand marries Nolte – and Palin! (Belle)
- Peter Noone in Herman’s hermits’ secret identity (Rousse)
- Barack Obama in Tesco domination (Rousse); Belle goes Dutch with Obama; Obama announces spending freeze (Rousse); King Charles II and Cardinal Wolsey prime candidates for Obama replacement (Rousse); In the office with Barack Obama and Boris Johnson (Belle); Barack Obama’s winning smile and a bottle of whisky (Rousse); Bill Clinton, Barack Obama and bitcoins (Belle)
- Malia Obama in The Obamas admire Belle’s dog
- Michelle Obama in The Obamas admire Belle’s dog
- Sasha Obama in The Obamas admire Belle’s dog
- Tracy-Ann Oberman in Tracy-Ann Oberman offers too much choice in a sweet shop (Belle)
- Tom O’Connor in Tom O’Connor deplored (Rousse)
- Sandra Oh in An afternoon with Killing Eve star Sandra Oh (Rousse)
- Sir Laurence Olivier in Kenneth Branagh plays homage to Sir Laurence Olivier, Shakespeare and Henry V (Rousse)
- Ophelia in Treasures of Ophelia and the Brontë sisters (Rousse)
- George Orwell in George Orwell festival on the south bank (Belle)
- George Osbourne in Archbishop of Canterbury reigns over Wembley and David Cameron settles into Edinburgh pied-à-terre (Rousse)
- Richard Osman in Richard Osman: unrequired love, unwanted sprouts (Belle); Richard Osman and Alexander Armstrong are diamond geezers; Living with Richard Osman (Belle); Richard Osman’s understudy (Rousse)
- Chris Packham in Will Belle’s birds bring Chris Packham?; A disappointing kiss and book jacket design by nightmare (Belle); Chris Packham wanders the London Tube in police disguise (Rousse); Banter with Chris Packham and the deathbed wedding of a soap opera character (Belle)
- Paddington Bear in Paddington Bear wannabe is Prime Minister (Rousse)
- Jimmy Page in Simon le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion (Rousse)
- Michael Palin in Streisand marries Nolte – and Palin! (Belle)
- Rick Parfitt in Rick Parfitt top tipper (Rousse)
- Sarah Jessica Parker in Sarah Jessica Parker picks Belle’s pocket
- Andy Parsons in Andy Parsons turns to kids’ comedy at the Edinburgh Fringe (Rousse)
- Nicholas Parsons in Nicholas Parsons ruins rave (Belle)
- Dolly Parton in Dolly Parton and a Swiss rail travel mishap (Rousse); Dolly Parton and the unfaithful husband (Rousse)
- Patch in Blue Peter’s Patch lives! (Rousse)
- Bill Paterson in Actor Bill Paterson is Mr Diamond selling tea at the Gorilla Arboretum (Rousse)
- Ru Paul in Belle the drag queen
- John Peel in Death au John Peel (Rousse); John Peel returns (Rousse); John Peel, the Cure, and the B-52s (Rousse)
- Katy Perry in Katy Perry flies Edinburgh to Des Moines, Iowa with unintentional stowaway (Rousse)
- Pet Shop Boys in Pet Shops Boys lose their crown to brainy guitar duo (Rousse)
- Peppa Pig in Peppa Pig, toast, and extreme sports in the Hebrides
- Grayson Perry in Belle is an expert on sixties singers
- Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh in Queen and Duke of Edinburgh spend Christmas with commoners in Northumberland (Rousse); In conversation with the Princess Royal (Rousse)
- Ethan Phillips (as Neelix in Star Trek Voyager) in Star Trek Voyager’s Neelix and Kes moonlight as fake holiday guests (Rousse
- Miss Piggy in Miss Piggy’s magic stilletoes (Belle); Miss Piggy’s plastic surgery and GCHQ’s latest discovery (Rousse)
- Pink Floyd in Pink Floyd drives Rousse to work at home; Single bed shocker (Rousse)
- Jesse Pinkman in Breaking bad in Edinburgh (Rousse)
- Pip Pirrip in Meeting Pip Pirrip in real life (Belle)
- Oscar Pistorius in Prosthetic limbs, a party, and a professor (Rousse)
- Brad Pitt in Brad Pitt’s underpants (Belle); Brad Pitt’s summer secrets (Rousse); Brad Pitt tattoos his forehead in latest celebrity revelation (Rousse); Brad Pitt in the bedroom (Rousse)
- Robert Plant in Shall I stay or shall I go now? (Rousse)
- Plug in Pink-faced plug lookalike embarks on a spring clean (Rousse)
- Hercule Poirot in Poirot’s invisible sidekick (Belle)
- Demelza Poldark in Demelza Poldark tour guide (Rousse)
- The Police in Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse); Drunk Police fan and dead grandmother responsible for multiple car crashes (Rousse)
- Winnie the Pooh in Nigella Lawson versus Gordon Ramsey, and information retrieval with Winnie the Pooh (Rousse)
- Pope Benedict XVI in Mick Jagger tops celebrity guest list at Pope’s parade (Rousse)
- Mary Portas in Drug enforcer Belle
- Michael Portillo in Tussling with a drag queen and making Michael Portillo cry (Belle)
- Harry Potter in Harry Potter almost messes up Rousse’s travel plans to King’s Cross; Regrets of Mrs Harry Potter (Rousse); Harry Potter and the Black Knight (Rousse)
- Oscar Powell in Trapped underground with University Challenge contestant Oscar Powell (Rousse)
- Katie Price in Ramona Marquez stars as Jordan in birthday biopic (Rousse); Jordan spotted “snogging” mystery hunk (Rousse); Katie Price’s (aka Jordan) career on the conference circuit, and a life of crime in Australia (Rousse); Jordan heart attack scare (Rousse); Katie Price hunts for husband number 8 (Rousse); Katie Price takes to the water prior to speaking engagement in Liverpool (Rousse); Katie Price is a patchwork of plastic surgery (Rousse); Katie Price to marry again (Rousse); Big knickers for Katie Price and her pal (Rousse)
- Vincent Price in Vincent Price gun-play and spaghetti hoops (Belle); A fruity evening with Vincent Price (Belle)
- Libby Purves in Elvis Costello and Libby Purves forced to share scant office space at the BBC (Rousse)
- Daniel Radclifee in Daniel Radcliffe goes blond (Rousse); Poultry parkour, a strawberry queen and Harry Potter decoration (Belle)
- Mark Radcliffe in Radcliffe (but no Maconie), a land-based submarine, and an invitation to Disneyland (Rousse); Mark Radcliffe missing, Stuart Maconie scared (Rousse); Bonding with Radcliffe and Maconie over the Farmer’s Boys and the BBC (Rousse); Rousse favours Stuart Maconie over Mark Radcliffe
- Gordon Ramsey in Nigella Lawson versus Gordon Ramsey, and information retrieval with Winnie the Pooh (Rousse); Tackling mould with Gordon Ramsey (Belle)
- Ian Rankin in A day out with Ian Rankin (Rousse); Ian Rankin’s muse (Rousse); Ian Rankin environmentalist (Rousse); Ian Rankin lends a hand to highland housewarming party (Rousse)
- Steve Redgrave in Steve Redgrave takes to the stage, Benny Hill style (Rousse)
- Nick Rhodes in Simon le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion (Rousse); Kisser Nick Rhodes (Rousse)
- Griff Rhys Jones in In a stone maze with Griff Rhys Jones (Rousse)
- Cliff Richard in Cliff Richard love interest (Rousse)
- Gary Richardson in Gary Richardson guides Rousse home
- Sir Ralph Richardson in Christian Slater is a great rebel boyfriend (Belle)
- Alan Rickman in Alan Rickman – Great! Super! (Rousse)
- Andrew Ridgeley in A lack of stemware, a missing husband, and a woman obsessed with Wham! (Rousse)
- Angela Rippon in A visit to the Manchester United and BBC comb factory (Belle)
- Tom Robinson in A weight-busting walk to Tom Robinson’s Stokesley (Rousse)
- Winifred Robinson in Time travel by train and a deadly secret unveiled (Rousse)
- The Rolling Stones in Belle is an expert on sixties singers
- Wayne Rooney in Alien invasion includes Wayne Rooney (Rousse)
- Axl Rose in Guns, roses, a trouser press and trains (Rousse)
- Diana Ross in Bride dazzles congregation with a diamond-encrusted wedding dress, Diana Ross, and circus clowns (Rousse)
- Jonathan Ross in Jonathan Ross’ theatre date and a threat of war in Edinburgh (Rousse); The shame of Jonathan Ross’ brother’s criminal career (Rousse)
- JK Rowling in JK Rowling’s cot death charity competition and the Scottish slave trade (Rousse); JK Rowling extends her estate (Rousse); Lord Alan Sugar’s babysitter and JK Rowling’s secret (Rousse); JK Rowling’s new book (Rousse); JK Rowling bakes a mean meringue (Rousse); A personal invitation from JK Rowling to PotterLand (Rousse); Trapped inside JK Rowling’s tent (Rousse); Duchess of Cambridge travels incognito by public transport to Norwich (Rousse)
- Andre Royo in A sequel to The Wire with bonus Barbra Streisand (Belle)
- Salman Rushdie in Salman Rushdie goes back into hiding (Rousse)
- Willie Rushton in Lunch with Barry Cryer (Rousse)
- Alex Salmond in Dogs and dolphins to support Scottish independence bid (Rousse)
- Andy Samberg in A very short-lived relationship with Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (Belle)
- Julian Sands in Julian sands – “lady doctor” (Belle)
- Sarah, Duchess of York, in Hunting for Sarah, Duchess of York, in Rhyl, on a spacehopper (Rousse)
- Jimmy Savile in Jimmy Savile shocker (Rousse); Jimmy Savile in hibernation (Rousse); Jimmy Savile student beater (Rousse); Jimmy Savile back from the dead and on TV again (Rousse)
- Arnold Schwartzenegger in Arnold Schwartzenegger’s boring speech (Rousse)
- David Schwimmer in David Schwimmer orthopedic surgeon (Rousse)
- Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre in A bendy bus trip to Diagon Alley but Harry Potter is nowhere to be seen; Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet history lesson (Rousse); Selling tickets at the Fringe and shooting woodcock in the Borders (Rousse); A library, two socks, and a London bus (Rousse); Rousse makes her choice from the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppets, Ruby Wax, and Clive Anderson; Jonathan Ross’ theatre date and a threat of war in Edinburgh (Rousse); Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre to solve all our problems (Rousse); Selling hosiery with a difference (Rousse); Planning a party and pilfering pains au chocolat (Rousse); Stocking-masked criminal and canine sidekick despatched into the night (Rousse); Puppet maker passenger puts her trust in the professor (Rousse); Andrew Lawrence, the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre, a stranded bride, and the ruler of the universe (Rousse); A catering nightmare with Ambrosia Devon custard (Rousse); Family entertainment (Rousse); Sock adopts a deep voice for TV (Rousse); Nothern lads, guitars, drums, and witty lyrics (Rousse); A rival called Norman (Rousse); A private performance by the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre (Rousse)
- Natasha Scribbins in The Apprentice’s Natasha Scribbins vainly attempts to save Rousse from expenses claim hell
- Jane Seymour in Jane Seymour’s in-law (Belle)
- William Shakespeare in The book (section) thief (Rousse); Kenneth Branagh plays homage to Sir Laurence Olivier, Shakespeare and Henry V (Rousse); Shakespeare and astrophysics for lunch (Rousse)
- Ed Sheeran in Celebrity top trumps: Ed Sheeran versus Paul Weller (Rousse)
- John Simm in Kevin McCloud advises Rousse on housing law
- The Simpsons in A campus love affair rudely interrupted, and a seaside crime (Rousse); Mark Zuckerberg vents anger at Harvard in Simpsons episode (Rousse)
- Bart Simpson in Belle lives at the shops
- Siouxsie Sioux in How not to dress like Siouxsie Sioux (Rousse)
- Tom Skelton in Tom Skelton’s one man show, a dress from Woolworths, Dave Eggers, and icing penguins (Rousse)
- Claire Skinner in Sleeping with Claire Skinner (Rousse)
- Frank Skinner in David Baddiel and love (Rousse)
- Slade in Slade original line-up is back on the road again (Rousse)
- Christian Slater in Christian Slater is a great rebel boyfriend (Belle)
- The Smiths in Smiths fans reveal enthusiasm for music, whisky and roll-ups (Rousse); ‘Between the server’ dancing to the Smiths at Spotify HQ in Sweden (Rousse)
- Matt Smith in Matt Smith speaks at Aberdeen information science conference (Rousse)
- Dame Maggie Smith in Lamb stew, jelly sweets, and a yellow makeover (Belle)
- Kiell Smith-Bynoe in Kiell Smith-Bynoe is the star of Ghosts (Rousse)
- Tony Soprano in Sopranos and chips (Belle)
- Graeme Souness in Ae fond kiss and then we sever – with Graeme Souness (Rousse)
- Kevin Spacey in Kevin Spacey’s secret love (Rousse); Kevin Spacey’s ‘unusual’ hobbies (Rousse)
- Edmund Spenser in Faerie Queene revision strategy (Rousse)
- The Spice Girls in Traffic terror on the A1 and a reunion with the Spice Girls (Rousse)
- Bruce Springsteen in Bob Dylan’s secret muse (Rousse)
- Squeeze in Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse); Squeeze gig a hit at the Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh (Rousse)
- Patti Stanger in Belle the drag queen
- Jason Statham in Professor Belle gets it on with Jason Statham and Vicky McClure
- Gertrude Stein in Belle’s busy night
- Patrick Stewart in A new job at the University of East Anglia (Rousse)
- Rod Stewart in Richard Branson and Rod Stewart keep Rousse company in economy
- Sting in Good enough for Sting and Trudie, Jeremy and Sinéad, and even the Queen – but not good enough for Rousse; Sting serenades Belle (Rousse); Sting beats Mick Jagger in conversation competition (Rousse)
- Patsy Stone in Ab Fab’s Patsy Stone meets Sir Edwin Lutyens (Rousse)
- Barbra Streisand in A sequel to The Wire with bonus Barbra Streisand (Belle); Streisand marries Nolte – and Palin! (Belle)
- Nicola Sturgeon in Nicola Sturgeon to introduce friend tax (Rousse)
- Trudie Styler in Good enough for Sting and Trudie, Jeremy and Sinéad, and even the Queen – but not good enough for Rousse
- The Suffrajets in Suffrajet ban on the Isle of Man (Rousse)
- Lord Alan Sugar in Lord Sugar’s new apprentice discovers his more modest and softer side (Rousse); Lord Alan Sugar’s babysitter and JK Rowling’s secret (Rousse); Nick Hewer waves off candidate for china restoration and robot building roles (Rousse); Lord Sugar’s reassuring wink (Rousse); Alan Sugar’s son sews (Rousse)
- Suggs in Security enforcement with Charlie Drake and sliding with Suggs (Belle)
- Kev F Sutherland in Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet history lesson (Rousse); Selling tickets at the Fringe and shooting woodcock in the Borders (Rousse); A library, two socks, and a London bus (Rousse); Jonathan Ross’ theatre date and a threat of war in Edinburgh (Rousse); Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre to solve all our problems (Rousse); School reunion imposter unmasked in Yorkshire (Rousse); Andy Gray takes to the stage in Kev F Sutherland’s latest show (Rousse); A catering nightmare with Ambrosia Devon custard (Rousse); Tom Binns, Kev F Sutherland, a trip on the Titanic, and a disputed thesis (Rousse); A private performance by the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre (Rousse)
- Superman in Superman brings bouquet to beleaguered wife (Rousse)
- Gloria Swanson in Gloria Swanson and unnecessary help with a literature review (Rousse)
- Taylor Swift in Eminem’s fiancé (Belle)
- Melanie Sykes in Chatting with Kylie Minogue and Melanie Sykes in make-up at the BBC (Rousse)
- Take That in Walking in Glencoe bereft of map and boots, but with Take That (Rousse)
- AJP Taylor in Twentieth century icons AJP Taylor and Paul McCartney keep Rousse amused
- Elizabeth Taylor in Elizabeth Taylor’s multiple husbands not unique (Rousse)
- John Taylor in Simon le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion (Rousse)
- Roger Taylor in Queen drummer Roger Taylor plays the saw (Rousse)
- David Tennant in The Doctor will NOT be with Belle shortly; David Tennant returns as Dr Who (Rousse); David Tennant dons disguise for Dr Who day visits (Rousse); Between Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant: another Dr Who (Rousse); David Tennant leaves wife at home (Rousse); Quad on the Tyne – with David Tennant (Rousse); David Tennant depressed (Rousse); Detective David Tennant distracted by kittens (Belle); David Tennant and the global success of mini-Yorkshire puddings (Belle); Parrot breeding David Tennant (Rousse)
- Mrs Thatcher in Mrs Thatcher mystery solved (Rousse); Margaret Thatcher, Private Eye, and Julius Caesar (Rousse); Mrs Thatcher goes to the loo (Rousse); The Fringe, Finchley, and frightening fiction (Rousse)
- Louis Theroux in Louis Theroux in love (Rousse); Louis Theroux’s lover (Rousse)
- Helen Titchener in Belle and Helen Titchener’s dress (Rousse)
- Rob Titchener in Rob Titchener escapes hospital with firearm and an intent to kill (Rousse)
- JRR Tolkien in Lord Alan Sugar’s babysitter and JK Rowling’s secret (Rousse)
- Russell Tovey in Russell Tovey and the two-timing twizzler (Belle)
- Joey Tribbiani in Rachel wins Ross back – again (Rousse); Friends con and a pink fantasy fairytale princess (Rousse)
- Donald Trump in President Donald Trump fails to attract inauguration ceremony audience in tatty Victorian theatre (Rousse); A dancing Donald Trump (Rousse); A floppy disk photograph of Trump’s London parade (Rousse); Tea with President Trump (Rousse); Donald Trump the thief, Boris Johnson the fool (Rousse); New York times publishes coded message to run Trump out of town (Rousse); Bored by Donald Trump (Rousse); Donald Trump will run for President: exclusive interview from David Elstein’s offices (Rousse)
- Liz Truss in Liz Truss bores Welsh sports fans (Rousse)
- Mike Tucker in Belle takes a walk and slaves for a toddler
- Aidan Turner in Aidan Turner joins the family (Rousse); Aidan Turner signs autographs at the Edinburgh Fringe (Rousse)
- Sam Tyler in Kevin McCloud advises Rousse on housing law
- U2 in Belle does NOT like U2.
- Frank Underwood in Frank Underwood comments on flood conditions (Rousse)
- Grace van Cutsem in Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight
- Johnny Vegas in James Corden, Johnny Vegas, and a couple of neglected twins (Rousse)
- Jack Vettriano in A Jack Vettriano original (Rousse)
- Queen Victoria in Queen meets her great-great grandmother in holographic form (Rousse); Queen Victoria: stony history tutor (Rousse)
- Vera Wang in Crime by letters and Vera Wang (Rousse)
- Christopher Walken in Christopher Walken, dancer and time traveller (Belle)
- Dan Walker in Belle the drag queen
- Sir Mark Walport in Award talk with Sir Mark Walport (Rousse)
- Andy Warhol in The Glasgow School of Spelling, David Bowie, Andy Warhol, Limmy, and a retirement home for celebrities (Rousse); A fortune in apps, Mark Kermode and Andy Warhol (Belle)
- Raquel Watts in Banter with Chris Packham and the deathbed wedding of a soap opera character (Belle)
- Evelyn Waugh in Translating Evelyn Waugh (Rousse)
- Ruby Wax in Rousse makes her choice from the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppets, Ruby Wax, and Clive Anderson
- Arthur Weasley in Young “Arthur Weasley” assists in railway murder hunt (Rousse)
- Ron Weasley and his brothers in Time-travelling Rupert Grint (as Ron Weasley) greets Rousse in the Kingdom of Fife
- Paul Weller in An audience with Paul Weller (Rousse); Celebrity top trumps: Ed Sheeran versus Paul Weller (Rousse)
- Dominic West in Belle the economist, detective, and pornographer
- Kevin Whately in Recreational drugs, a sleep-over, and Kevin Whately (Rousse)
- Dr Who in Working hard with a sore arm and no iPod (Belle); Dr Who rescues Rousse; Dr Who trumps wedding plans (Rousse); New canoe-carrying Dr Who takes to the Tardis (Rousse); Between Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant: another Dr Who (Rousse); Dr Who companion travels back in time in vain attempt to stop Brexit (Rousse); Is Dr Who to blame for a shrinking world? (Rousse); A lizard intruder and Dr Who (Rousse)
- Ann Widdecombe in On the tiles with Sammy Davis Jr (Belle)
- Barbara Windsor in Barbara Windsor’s body hair (Rousse)
- Amy Winehouse in When Amy Winehouse came to stay (Rousse)
- Winnie the Pooh in Winnie the Pooh figurine: ideal garden ornament (Rousse)
- Prince William in Belle’s bare bottom beauties; Secrets of the royal bride-to-be (not Kate Middleton, but Rousse); Celebrities gather for the wedding of the three-way bride – with Prince William, the Charltons, and Elton John (Rousse); Grace van Cutsem at the royal wedding: Rousse sets the record straight; Postcards to Prince William, a rat in the office and in-flight washing facilities (Rousse); Changing of the bride at Buckingham Palace (Rousse); Prince William cliff jumps in Hastings (Rousse); Best friends of joker William and Kate (Rousse); Commoner with dodgy relations is second in line to the UK throne (Rousse); Princes Harry and William at the ice pageant (Belle); Royal family lookalike con (Rousse); Duke and Duchess of Cambridge play Settlers of Catan (Rousse); William and Harry join team to clean up and revitalise Leith docks (Rousse); Prince William caught in tatty blazer (Rousse)
- Mark Williams in Young “Arthur Weasley” assists in railway murder hunt (Rousse)
- Robbie Williams in A dismal pyjama performance (Rousse); Robbie Williams’ secret of song-writing success (Rousse)
- Richard Wilson in Richard Wilson, a Pharaoh, and the representation of women at the Royal Society of Edinburgh (Rousse)
- The Winklevoss twins in A failed attempt to win over the Winklevoss twins (Rousse)
- Norman Wisdom in Just an ordinary day walking the dog and calling in at the pub (Belle)
- Terry Wogan in Terry Wogan’s dog (Rousse)
- Cardinal Wolsey in King Charles II and Cardinal Wolsey prime candidates for Obama replacement (Rousse)
- The Wombles in A temporary loss of digits and dancing to the Wombles (Rousse)
- Tomsk Womble in Tomsk Womble halts divorce proceedings (Rousse)
- Stevie Wonder in Stevie Wonder misses his flight (Rousse)
- Virginia Woolf in Belle and the (bad) Woolf
- Peggy Woolley in Queen’s safety compromised by ‘sleepover break-in’ at Grey Gables (Rousse)
- Helen Worth in Coronation Street actress disposes of murder evidence (Rousse)
- Yes in Yes offers treats for tweeting (Rousse)
- Michael York in Stop distracting me, Sir Ian McKellan! (Belle)
- Will Young in Belle the heiress and a clumsy Will Young; Will Young entertains a convict (Rousse)
- Mark Zuckerberg in Mark Zuckerberg vents anger at Harvard in Simpsons episode (Rousse)
Dreamaticus 