When TPR cruelly divorced me, I was desperate to find a new partner. It soon became obvious that the gap in age between me and my first choice second husband (VJ’s son C) was too big to bridge, so I had to seek elsewhere.

I approached Susan Calman’s ex. To my astonishment she immediately accepted my proposal! We quickly married in a leather sofa-ed hotel lounge in front of a random set of witnesses: two nurses, my old boss JH, and gatecrashers RK and TMcE.

I soon wished that I had spent more time getting to know my new wife before taking her down the aisle. I was appalled when, straight after the wedding, I discovered that she was a smoker.