The Queen’s babies and David Beckham’s bikini line (Belle)

I had two new careers – and I was equally out of depth in both.

As the Queen’s midwife, I was uncomfortable with the sight of blood although delighted with how trim I looked in the uniform.

Later, despite my complete lack of experience, I was the owner of an exotic, tent-based, luxury beauty resort. In one of the white tents, David Beckham waited patiently for me to wax his bikini line. Horrified, I realised my lack of skills and knowledge was likely to be exposed to over a million of his Instagram followers.

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