I was cast as a ‘Greek Chorus’ type flatmate in a reality show. I would make strange entrances and exits and comment on what the contestants were up to.

My most famous entrance was via a black shiny helicopter equipped with large speakers. I flew over Tower Bridge with the Beastie Boys blasting out “No Sleep Till Brooklyn”. When I landed I joined two of the flatmates to display our pets to fans who were on the other side of a full-length window. Flatmate One displayed our pet bat, I displayed Oscar the black cat.

Even as I showed the cat’s tummy to the public, I was aware of just how much I was scraping the barrel of life.