Every cupboard I opened had a spectacular, kaleidoscopic mould growth. My colleagues were filthy pigs. I spent hours in rubber gloves scrubbing away.
In one cupboard I found a strange metal and glass object. At first, I thought it was a paste dress ring, but when I looked closer I saw it was a secret spy glass. When I held it to my eye, I could see what was happening in the next room. I slipped my new treasure in my pocket and went outside to stare at Gordon Ramsey’s railway arch. As I did so, he burst out of his door, taking part in a choreographed dance routine and holding a bottle of bleach.