Monthly Archives: April 2010

Desert and opera (Belle)

I went to see a tank graveyard in the desert, where all the parts looked like bits of Gene Hunt’s quattro. Then I attended a children’s Oliver directed by two fat dads who wrote Gilbert and Sullivanesque lyrics for themselves. … Continue reading

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The Chinese dictator and new house mates (Belle)

I bowed to a Chinese dictator (from the back row where they put the ugly people) and moved in with a man and a dog. ======= When living in a squat in Southwark I was approached by a big man … Continue reading

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Belle’s sister’s shoes

My fourth sister lived in between floors in a house so her feet dangled out the ceiling in StartRite shoes.

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Rousse removed from campus

There was no room at the inn for me when my Head of School realised that the only way that she would get an office herself was to deny me one on campus FOREVER.

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Mark Kermode does a runner (Belle)

Ron Jeremy was paid £20 to dance at a warehouse party but Mark Kermode disappeared without paying him.

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Dead grandmother tweets (Rousse)

I found my granny in a hidden room at parents’ house. When I asked how someone I thought was dead was still alive my mother told me that the French minister at Granny’s funeral had been bribed to hold a … Continue reading

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Belle wins trip to Disneyland

I was a contestant on a quiz show with two really stupid men. They couldn’t for the life of them get the answer ‘macarooned’ even though I gave them all the clues I could. I really didn’t want to win … Continue reading

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Rousse trapped once more

I got trapped to my waist in a newly-gravelled drive.

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Cat dissection (Belle)

I was in a spa/hotel where the cats were all split down the middle.

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Less than satisfactory Christmas dinner (Belle)

I was eating Christmas dinner with a hostess who loathed me and whose husband popped out to the garage to buy prawn cocktail flavour crisps for the starter. Then we walked into the teeny tiny house opposite and it was … Continue reading

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