Monthly Archives: April 2021

Short shorts on a fat body (Rousse)

Posted on April 29, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I’d grown so fat that I could only pull my turquoise shorts up as far as my thighs. It was extremely uncomfortable (as well as unsightly) to wander about dressed in this fashion. I needed to go clothes shopping – … Continue reading →

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Living art in plaster (Rousse)

Posted on April 20, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I plastered SS into the wall so that only her blinking left eye was visible. Next I would frame my living art creation. I planned to find a ready-made white frame at my mother’s house.

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Garden tools break the rules (Rousse)

Posted on April 18, 2021 by Dreamaticus

At the airport, my sister-in-law JLR carried the hoe, and her partner J the rake. It wasn’t until we were just about to board the flight that it occurred to us that the size and shape of these items contravened … Continue reading →

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Unqualified medical advice in Stockton-on-Tees (Rousse)

Posted on April 18, 2021 by Dreamaticus

My mother lived happily alone above a pharmacy in Stockton-on-Tees. Our only worry was that she was offering medical advice to her visitors. This was on account of her proximity to the drug dispensary. We told everyone to ignore her.

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A new job at the University of Nowhere (Rousse)

Posted on April 14, 2021 by Dreamaticus

My colleague called in sick, so I offered to take his class. My instructions were first to collect his teaching materials from the print room. These comprised: a selection of peer-reviewed journal articles, each in a buff folder; a special … Continue reading →

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Belle blasts Beastie Boys

Posted on April 12, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I was cast as a ‘Greek Chorus’ type flatmate in a reality show. I would make strange entrances and exits and comment on what the contestants were up to. My most famous entrance was via a black shiny helicopter equipped … Continue reading →

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Stephen Fry stalker (Rousse)

Posted on April 12, 2021 by Dreamaticus

‘Will you please get out of my line of sight?’ Stephen Fry barked from the podium. He had noticed me at last, but he still didn’t know that I was his stalker.

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Naked swimmer’s shame (Rousse)

Posted on April 11, 2021 by Dreamaticus

TPR was about to bring even more shame upon us. After our long swim downstream, he hauled himself out of the river in the middle of a densely populated American city, peeled off his wetsuit, and declared that it was … Continue reading →

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The draw of Guatemala (Rousse)

Posted on April 10, 2021 by Dreamaticus

The garden of my great-grandparents’ house was crammed with people I knew, from TPR’s sunbathing ex-colleagues to my board gaming PhD students. The latter group was my target. I promised them the full experience of the mess and quirkiness of … Continue reading →

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Portrait painting in the compost corner (Rousse)

Posted on April 10, 2021 by Dreamaticus

JLW had long dropped out of our friendship group, so what was she doing in my garden standing next to an easel in the area usually reserved for the compost bin? She was teaching techniques of portrait painting to a … Continue reading →

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