Monthly Archives: July 2010

Rousse solves all the problems of the NHS

Posted on July 31, 2010 by

The vast consulting room was packed since the Coalition government’s reform of the health service: all medical appointments take place at 1pm each day, so nobody forgets their appointment, and each patient is seen by six doctors at once to … Continue reading →

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Belle falls in love

Posted on July 30, 2010 by

I stayed in a country house with secret passages and wooden panels and met and fell in love with Tony Adams. We had a box brownie camera.

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Beckham rescues Rousse

Posted on July 25, 2010 by

Trapped up to my neck in a skip filled with washing powder, and with all vital organs approaching shutdown, David Beckham came to the rescue and hauled me out.

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The dark side of reality TV (Belle)

Posted on July 18, 2010 by

I was starring in this sub Glee-style reality show learning to be a rapper. We had to sing a musical number about a plane crash. We all rebelled when they gave us false back stories.

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Exotic trip to Korea (Belle)

Posted on July 15, 2010 by

I had to commute across a river in a large acorn that split apart like an Easter egg. The people who put me in cut my name out in Korean onto a leaf. There was also a fudge-flavoured lipstick named … Continue reading →

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Belle’s angry confusion

Posted on July 14, 2010 by

Why was my bed in the meeting room? Why was I swimming on my side and doing widths? I did scream at the top of my voice ‘I am not your f****** slave!’ which was very liberating.

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Belle’s crimes catch up with her (Rousse)

Posted on July 14, 2010 by

We were on a BA flight when suddenly a stewardess stood up and publicly identified Belle as an ex-convict. Her crime? Kidnapping ducks and selling them on to the Finns for animal experiments.

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