David Beckham’s tattooist lived with his family on the banks of the River Tweed. I discovered the artist’s identity the day that TPR drove us to the tiny riverside cottage in his new black sports car .

I admired the tattooist’s wife’s choice of décor, particularly the fabrics for the soft furnishings. Throughout the cottage there was heavy use of highly-patterned brightly coloured remnants from the 1970s.

We found David Beckham himself seated topless in the garden as the tattooist inked him in. Although I admired the artwork, I thought that it would look so much better on a canvas, rather than on the skin of a celebrity.

Then TPR took off his T shirt to reveal to me that he had two tattoos! On his right shoulder SL had attempted to draw some form of Celtic design. Meanwhile on the left my sister S’s friend A had hopefully scribbled her contact details. Much to my relief, neither ‘design’ was permanent.