A PhD plagiarist (Rousse)

My suspicions were raised when I spotted the phrase ‘this doctoral study’ in LC’s honours project submission. It did not take long to confirm that ‘her’ dissertation was, in fact, a patchwork of text stitched together from sections of an illegally downloaded PhD thesis.

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Red hat disease rife at academic conference (Rousse)

Over the course of the three-day conference I had been allocated three different bedrooms. This was so confusing that I couldn’t remember where I had left my yellow cycling helmet.

The situation was more complex now that graduate SG dropped his room key into my bag and mouthed the number 614.

‘When?’ I asked under my breath.

‘4pm’, he whispered in reply.

It was highly likely that other delegates had witnessed our close proximity over the past couple of days. This afternoon, for example, I had been leaning against him at the back of the hall rather than sitting in a seat. Anyone who caught the key drop would have a clear idea of our intentions.

However, I was not worried about accusations of marital infidelity. It was the risk of contracting Red Hat Disease from SG that really scared me.

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A Glasgow kiss (Rousse)

On the outskirts of Glasgow, in a field, en route to a football match, my companion wrapped me in a passionate embrace and pulled me to the ground. We rolled around in the grass for several minutes. It was only on hearing a familiar voice call out my name that I came to my senses and realised the error of my ways.

The man disgusted with my outrageous behaviour was TPR’s former colleague DJ. I chased after him in a hope that I could convince him that he had witnessed nothing but a friendly snog.

Of all the useless made-up explanations and excuses that I offered to account for my apparent dalliance only one seemed to persuade DJ that I was not cheating on my husband: I told him that my companion was gay.

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Croissant quality control (Belle)

I was unhappy with the quality of croissants in general. I had taken to marching into every cafe on Holborn Viaduct to tell the proprietors that their croissants were “too doughy”.   I didn’t even need to taste them to know this was the case.

Later I feel asleep on the Piccadilly line and ended up in a place in Zone 5 called Horton.

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1980s fashion fail (Rousse)

I travelled back in time to Queen Margaret College Edinburgh in the late 1980s. Here I found pasted to the walls of reception dozens of amateur black and white posters inviting students to join the Christian Union.

Then I spotted TM in a hairy bottle green jumper. It was covered in tiny badges that advertised hundreds of unknown bands. This was not a good look, even for the era in question.

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Cousin colouring comparison check (Rousse)

GT  stuck his ginger head through the kitchen window of the log cabin in rural Canada.

‘Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?!’ he demanded to know.

He had no idea that the ‘English squatters’ now resident in his parents’ holiday home were his cousins – at least not until I revealed myself and offered him the opportunity to conduct an identity check by comparing his colouring with mine.

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Don Draper, a dog and a dinosaur (Belle)

John Hamm and I were holding hands and looking for lunch under the railway arches. A massively muscular dog came wandering towards us. “That dog looks like a stegosaurus”, I said and John Hamm laughed as if this was the best thing any human had ever said.

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