Chinese to blame for Victorian train carriage catastrophe (Rousse)

We travelled in a tiny single red open Victorian train carriage. It was obvious that the modern station was not designed to welcome such an old-fashioned form of transport: there was a huge gap between the open carriage door and the platform. Nevertheless, I leapt out with my luggage all intact, hoping that the others would follow.

My sudden movement thrust the carriage forward with the rest of the passengers still on board, including TPR. It careered along the track at high speed straight into, then through, three stationary modern carriages.

‘Nobody could survive that impact’ I thought as all the passengers – TPR included – walked free of the wreckage.

Later, in the huge station lift, witnesses to the accident discussed its cause.

‘China is to blame’ claimed one. This was a bold move given that half the people in the lift at the time were Chinese.

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A bad day at the office (Rousse)

It was a great disappointment that my Auntie A failed to turn up as a guest speaker. I was sure that she would have had much say to my work colleagues in the city of London.

I had made such an effort with my look for the day too. Not only had I put on make-up (a rare occurrence), but I had also dressed in the latest retro fashion of a royal blue full length pleated Laura Ashley cotton skirt. I actually looked quite slim in it.

Later, on my way home, I struggled with the signage in the sparkling upgraded London Underground. I spent hours going up and down escalators and along endless passageways in my hopeless attempts to return home.

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Aunties identify adoptees (Rousse)

One sister led me away a short distance from the other. She was desperate to tell me her latest gossipy findings from the past.

From her rushed whispers, I learnt of a teenage pregnancy.  The baby put out for adoption all those years ago had now tracked us all down.

Could the child in question be the woman standing next to the fence, not far from our other sister?

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Alpine pig-snoring and the price of pork (Rousse)

I met my old university pals HVJ, JS, and SPL in the Alps for a short non-ski winter break. Our accommodation was a large room with four single beds, athough not quite large enough for me to pig-snore without waking my room-mates.

On the day that we were due to leave, I made the rash decision to ride high into the mountains on a ski lift – without first checking that there was a route back to the village for non-skiers.

I ended up stranded for hours at the top of the mountain. The ski lift staff had no interest in helping me as they dealt with hundreds of half-term holiday-makers. I fear that they misunderstood my request to be returned to the bottom of the piste to be a complaint about the price of pork.

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Missing Sussex child discovered captive in dirty bungalow (Rousse)

The child had been missing for months. So when TPR and I caught sight of him on a Sussex housing estate, we felt it our duty to follow him back to the dirty bungalow where he lived with his captors.

There a brute of a man claimed no knowledge of the boy and shooed us away. We were pretty sure that he had quickly stowed the child away in an attic as soon as he saw us walk up the drive.

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Work as a guerrilla gardener and clandestine cleaner (Rousse)

I sneaked up to the University of Edinburgh’s New College tugging my small trolley of gardening tools. There, out of sight of the few people who were around so early in the day, I tidied up a couple of shrubs. I also accidentally cut a red dahlia. I hid it in my bag to take home and pop into a vase on the kitchen table.

On the way back to my flat, I lingered on North Bridge for a spot of pruning. It amused me that a small tree planted beneath a statue of a deer had grown in such a way that the animal now sprouted an extra set of (twig) antlers.

My next contract was at the University of Birmingham. On a very quiet Sunday, I took the lift up to the third floor of the Muirhead Tower, then dragged my vacuum cleaner along to the big seminar room. It wasn’t until I plugged in the machine that I noticed the old man slumped on a sofa. Was he dead or alive?

I was relieved when the stranger stirred from his slumber. He explained that he was a former member of staff of the French department. The head of school had given him permission to use the seminar room at his leisure at weekends. Then ensued a conversation to identify mutual contacts.

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A pea-green tandem and pink counterpanes in South America (Rousse)

We rode our newly-acquired pea-green tandem in the scorching heat through the mountainous deserts of South America. When we took a tumble in the choking dust, we both remembered the advice to avoid injury and fell as if we were each holding a baby.

Meanwhile my sister J drove a battered old rickety coach along a nearby winding dirt track road. It was only with much begging that she was persuaded to stop the vehicle to collect three pink counterpanes strewn along the roadside. Nobody else knew that this precious bedding had travelled from Northumberland to land in South America. Our sister S would have been broken hearted had J not stopped to collect the counterpanes and carry them back home.

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Cold War cleaner (Belle)

I was an apartment cleaner in 1970s East Berlin. My speciality was moving all the heavy furniture to the edges of the room to make the spaces look larger.

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Older woman refuses to give up her younger man (Rousse)

My former student KW (aged 57) was initially very keen to develop our relationship. However, he changed his mind when it dawned on him that a 63-year-old could not bear him children. Now he was desperate to dump me.

KW persuaded his cousin-in-law to hide him from me in a hospital operating theatre overnight. Unfortunately for him, I easily tracked him down to his makeshift bed on the operating table. Now that my claws were well and truly embedded in him, he would never escape this ‘romance’.

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Swollen blue vein mystery (Rousse)

A swollen blue vein popped up on the back of my right calf. I showed it to the expert EF for a quick diagnosis, observed by PM.

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