Dead man disappoints in Finland’s top secret research facility (Rousse)

Posted on March 1, 2026 by Dreamaticus

Thanks to my membership of a high profile UK research council committee, I had been selected as a ‘bright young thing’ to participate in a secret research initiative with top scientists in the far north of Finland.

Our group’s first challenge was to reach the research institute across the snowy arctic wastes. The terrain was so difficult that I almost gave up and turned back. I only persevered due to peer pressure.

My first job on arrival at the lab was to lay out a man’s corpse in a makeshift morgue. This was not the ‘high level scientific research’ that I had been promised.

Furthermore, I later discovered from my university friend GG that we could have all easily reached the institute by car following a regularly snow-ploughed road.

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Rousse beheaded

Posted on February 26, 2026 by Dreamaticus

Cutting my own head off was easier than reattaching it.

TPR was furious when I asked him to accompany me to the hospital for professional help to sew it back on again. He had intended to go shopping that morning, presumably for my birthday present. Why should he abandon his plans to put right one of my stupid experiments?

My sister J was also appalled that I would do something so reckless as self-decapitation. She was convinced that I would now suffer permanent brain damage thanks to a whole day of oxygen deprivation.

Nevertheless, I was proud that I had proved my theory correct: even when the eyes in your head are detached from the rest of your body, you can still see.

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Man-swan down (Belle)

Posted on February 25, 2026 by Dreamaticus

A former colleague was driving me down a winding country lane when she accidentally ran over a man dressed in a swan costume. “STOP”, I screamed, “You’ve knocked over a man-swan”.

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Pink gin, white wellies, blood-soaked sheets, and a mystery mistress (Rousse)

Posted on February 24, 2026 by Dreamaticus

NP and I sat at the bar next to the cheese counter at the Edinburgh Larder, cocktail glasses in hand, downing pink gins. The sophistication of the drink, however, did not match our footwear choice of white wellies. We were looking forward to a ‘behind the scenes’ guided tour of the deli a little later.

We were unprepared for the arrival of WB and KA in the shop. They seemed just as surprised to see us as we them. Unsure as to whether or not they would be welcome to join us, they quietly paid for their drinks at the counter and then hesitated before wandering over to our table.

KA’s initial greeting was most bizarre. She fired two questions at me. First, how did I enjoy sleeping in blood-soaked sheets? Second, how was my husband’s mistress? I was very tempted to reply ‘And how did you lose your manners?’

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A thieving work placement student (Rousse)

Posted on February 22, 2026 by Dreamaticus

When TPR asked me about a mystery £1000 transaction that featured on our latest credit card statement, I thought back to the day when one of the students ‘kindly’ offered to use my card to make a minor purchase on my behalf. She must have recorded my card number at the same time.

At breakfast, I approached the supposed culprit and questioned her. Everyone at the table witnessed her confession. It seemed that this was not the first time that she had executed such a theft.

Next I headed off to campus to speak to the tutor responsible for the allocation of students to work placements. We could not let this girl loose on an organisation when we knew that she was dishonest.

In the corridor I spoke to my former colleagues JB, BR and SR. All denied involvement in the placement scheme. The staff in the school office couldn’t help me either.

It would appear that the placements had been organised by a part-time temporary admin who had since left the University, and that it was now too late to alter any of the arrangements. Needless to say, I was furious.

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Squandering an inheritance at the pub (Belle)

Posted on February 18, 2026 by Dreamaticus

I’d inherited some remarkable jewellery from an unknown American relative. The jewels were handed over to me in a white cotton pillowcase which I took to the pub. There I encouraged strangers to try on the best item – an enormous diamond tiara. Later when I looked in the pillowcase, most of the jewellery had disappeared and had been replaced by empty crisp packets and cigarette ends.

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Washed up robot Metal Mickey moves in with Belle

Posted on February 17, 2026 by Dreamaticus

My new housemate, the former TV star Metal Mickey was moving in with me. I was lying in bed, thinking about getting a spare key cut for him when I heard loud clanking outside my bedroom window. Metal Mickey did not need a key – he clambered up to the first floor window, broke in and tucked himself into my bed, forcing me to move over to the other side.

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Famous Indian spotting (Rousse)

Posted on February 17, 2026 by Dreamaticus

My sister J, brother-in-law M, TPR and I stepped into the lift to reach the exhibition on a high floor of the tower block.  Our plan was to scour the trade stands to snaffle as many free trinkets as possible. Our dress and demeanour would give the impression that we were serious punters – even TPR looked the part in a smart suit – but spending money on hi tech systems was the last thing on our minds.

I was rather uncomfortable in the lift, worrying about any outcomes of break-down. My overactive brain raced through failed rescue attempts, lack of access to food, and the temptations of cannibalism. Happily my fears were unfounded and we were soon freed to make our assault on the trade stands.

I had just started to build a fine collection of company-branded keyrings, notebooks, 2026 diaries, and miniature bottles of gin when two very tall men approached me. How wonderful to find DC and AC still on the trade exhibition circuit!

Then I recognised a small, handsome Indian in his early thirties. I hugged him warmly, hoping to encourage him to reveal his identity to me. As I did so, another visitor to the exhibition whispered in my ear that this man was a television star. When she named his show, this was no help to me at all: I had never seen that BBC drama. In any case, I believed that this man was famous for his brains rather than his acting skills. Hadn’t he once been a contestant on University Challenge?

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Handsome ‘terrorist’ threatens Mafia-run luxury hotel (Rousse)

Posted on February 15, 2026 by Dreamaticus

The Italian mafia in charge of the super expensive luxury hotel took an instant dislike to my beautiful new husband.

Could this be down to his stunning good looks: the dark olive skin and gorgeous green eyes inherited from his Iranian father and British mother? Or perhaps it was all simply because of his long black beard?

Perhaps they thought he was a terrorist? Whether or not he was about to bomb the hotel, he didn’t deserved to be shunned by his hosts.

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Discoveries in a snowy garden (Rousse)

Posted on February 15, 2026 by Dreamaticus

Two things annoyed me when I checked the weather outside to see if we could move some stones from the old rockery.

First, the ground was covered with six inches of snow. Second our neighbour had built a footpath from his garden all the way across our lawn.

I was also surprised to discover that we had acquired two extra ponds.

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