Brienne of Tarth’s ginger cat (Belle)

At last we were getting a cat. The dog was beside himself with excitement.  Brienne of Tarth was our new best friend and she needed a happy home for her flat-faced ginger cat (“Ginger”) while she was away fighting.  How proud we were as we paraded Brienne around the tower blocks we called home.

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Learning about Italians in Edinburgh (Rousse)

I was ashamed that I hadn’t finished reading the book that I had selected for our monthly meeting. However, and to my surprise, EH had not only reached the final page, but also enjoyed the story.

She urged me to continue with Dear Olivia to learn more about the history of Italians in Edinburgh.

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Bicycle thief Mr Almond’s attack (Rousse)

Every time that we returned to our house there was further evidence of attempted break-ins. We knew that it was only a matter of time before we would come home to a crime scene.

The day finally arrived when we found smashed glass on the ground outside our front door. The burglars had climbed up to the roof and broken in through an attic window to steal our bikes (but nothing else – not even a wad of £50 notes).

We assumed that they had left by the time that we returned home, but a fat middle-aged man holding a baby confronted me as I stepped inside. He announced himself as ‘Mr Almond’ and explained that he needed to avenge an insult that I had levelled at him in the 1980s.

I feared for my life as he lunged at me, while his dark-haired accomplice – in the same green spotty dress and black hat that I wore to W and R’s wedding in 1988 – looked on.

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Witty trading app to challenge eBay (Rousse)

SL designed a new online trading app. Like all other similar tools (e.g. eBay), you could use it to buy and sell goods (obviously). Its USP, however, was its extremely witty on-screen instructions.

The first time that I used it I almost choked to death laughing.

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Swimwear and disgraceful tattoos (Rousse)

I chose a new swimming costume. It was navy blue with white side panels, and leg pieces. It would be perfect for British waters, and could easily be worn under a wetsuit.

While I was trying it on for the first time I complained to my youngest sister-in-law about her mother’s tattoos. Even though they were somewhat disguised by her bruised arms, I still considered them a complete disgrace.

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Avoiding the hen man (Rousse)

Not long after I had accidentally broken a dozen eggs in a box, I spotted BEX cleaning out the chickens.

He called me over to request a meeting. I said that I would see him later, but I was lying.

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Inside a bottle of red wine in a wetsuit (Rousse)

I broke into H and RJ’s house (while they were on holiday) and used the bathroom. I thought that I had got away with this until I saw their sports car coming up the drive. R was leaning out of the driver’s window, smoking a cigarette.

As soon as H spotted me, she bundled me out of the house. It was imperative that RJ did not see me.

Mission accomplished, H put on her pale blue wetsuit and climbed into a bottle of red wine. We were both now ready to set off on our journey to reunite with SL.

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