Ranting, raging, decorating, and bathing at the White House (Rousse)

I stormed into my sister J’s bedroom at the White House where I knew that I would find my mother.

‘She’s done it again!’ I raged.

‘What now?’

‘She’s “redecorated” the room next to the bathroom in her own ridiculous style with brown paper and oddly shaped stick-on white lettering. Why does everything in this house have to fit with her preferences?’

My mother was about to put up a defence of S, but I was not prepared to listen to it. I left straight for the bathroom.

There I found my colleague HSX sitting naked in the basin while waiting for the bath to fill. He told me that it was easier to bathe in two stages due to his size.

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How to throw out a husband who will not leave (Rousse)

My school friend AL had been living for some time with her family in an old hotel. They had never bothered to convert the building, so there was still an institutional feel around the place.

When I first arrived, AL was being comforted by her sister A. She was wailing that she wanted to throw out her husband, but had no idea how to achieve this. Meanwhile he was refusing to budge.

‘Good luck’, I said. ‘It took my friend five years to get rid of hers’.

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Bare tummy snuggling (Rousse)

I’d never appreciated how much I loved my colleague BMX until the day that we lay on the grass and I snuggled up to his bare tummy.

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Fort William loch lift (Rousse)

We were expected to follow cousin LA’s Audi down the M6 on a long tour of England. When she went off-piste into the Scottish mountains we struggled to keep up with her.

I suggested that we ditch the car for the tandem. At first TPR was not so sure because the bike had not yet been serviced for the season. When I pointed out that we could wheel it to the side of the loch, hail a ferry, and hitch a lift all the way to Fort William, he began to like my idea.

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Mid-air knitter stalked by elderly couple on flight to the UK from Thailand (Rousse)

I must have broken several international laws on board the flight from Thailand back to the UK:

  • I carried a sharp three inch needle in my hand luggage
  • I looped the yarn from my ball of blue wool to the tail of the plane to make it easier for me to continue knitting during the journey
  • I sat outside the exit door in mid-air for a large part of the journey

As we came into land I struck up a conversation with an elderly couple and a young boy, who I took to be their grandson. They were on their way to Borth in Wales. I mentioned my friends H and R, who have a house there. The couple claimed that they knew H’s father and that he was coming to their house later that same week for lunch and a round of golf. I knew that they were lying when they named this man Charles (and also because H’s father had been dead for years). When they started talking about some other friends called H and T I started to worry about my safety. Had they been stalking me?

My anxiety increased when I could not reach TPR by phone from arrivals – and then ST turned up in his place.

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Sisters feast on chocolate breakfast diet (Rousse)

So this was why my sister was getting so fat. Every morning she ate an entire box of chocolates for her breakfast.

I vowed to help her out.

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Sandy spaniel sale (Rousse)

The two sandy spaniels were gorgeous.

‘I’ll take both the bitch and the puppy’ said SC.

I wondered where the dogs would live. And what would her SC’s husband T make of the new additions to the family? Would he be the one lumbered with their care?

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