Noël Coward’s sick sense of humour and fridges full of carcasses (Rousse)

The faster runners soon pulled away from me and in a short time a significant gap developed between us. At least I was managing to keep everyone else in sight. Fortunately for them, the others reached Royal Terrace before the joker had the chance to scatter the ground with sharp shards of broken green bottles. I was not so lucky. RG and BM heard my screams and ran back to my rescue. It was also they who identified that Noël Coward was responsible for the pavement ambush. Later in the day we observed the famous entertainer in person at home watching super 8 films of unfortunate drivers falling off cliff edges into the sea. Noël Coward really did have a sick sense of humour.

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My new role was as super au pair for a wealthy family that lived in a detached house in a beautiful Georgian square in central London. The mother was delighted when I offered to plan the menu for the week and then sort out the supermarket shopping. I first made a check of existing food stocks. In the small kitchen I was appalled to find three domestic fridges stuffed to the brim with carcasses, including pigs still complete with their heads. What was needed here was not an au pair, but a qualified butcher.

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The row at work was over a small yellow tub for collecting compost. I’d been away and all I wanted to know was where the tub had disappeared. CS thought I was criticising him for failing to collect compost. I really didn’t care. I just wanted my cute yellow tub back.

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