We were expected to follow cousin LA’s Audi down the M6 on a long tour of England. When she went off-piste into the Scottish mountains we struggled to keep up with her.
I suggested that we ditch the car for the tandem. At first TPR was not so sure because the bike had not yet been serviced for the season. When I pointed out that we could wheel it to the side of the loch, hail a ferry, and hitch a lift all the way to Fort William, he began to like my idea.
I must have broken several international laws on board the flight from Thailand back to the UK:
As we came into land I struck up a conversation with an elderly couple and a young boy, who I took to be their grandson. They were on their way to Borth in Wales. I mentioned my friends H and R, who have a house there. The couple claimed that they knew H’s father and that he was coming to their house later that same week for lunch and a round of golf. I knew that they were lying when they named this man Charles (and also because H’s father had been dead for years). When they started talking about some other friends called H and T I started to worry about my safety. Had they been stalking me?
My anxiety increased when I could not reach TPR by phone from arrivals – and then ST turned up in his place.
So this was why my sister was getting so fat. Every morning she ate an entire box of chocolates for her breakfast.
I vowed to help her out.
The two sandy spaniels were gorgeous.
‘I’ll take both the bitch and the puppy’ said SC.
I wondered where the dogs would live. And what would her SC’s husband T make of the new additions to the family? Would he be the one lumbered with their care?
I decided to return S’s huge diamond engagement ring on the day of her wedding to my cousin TB.
When I handed it over to her at the reception at the St James Hotel (Edinburgh) she told me that she had not missed it. I then regretted not keeping it for myself.
Although we loved one another very much, TPR and I found it very difficult to live together. After we sold our flat to a young couple, I continued to stay there with them, and TPR moved out. One evening I confided in the woman how sorry I was that TPR and I had been forced to live this way.
Not long afterwards Superman paid me a visit. He brought me a huge bouquet of flowers. I pretended not to notice that he was only a man in a red and blue dressing-up costume.
Teenagers spilled out into the middle of the busy road. It was inevitable that one would be struck by a car and killed.
The victim was a boy of about 19. DT took him out. Everyone was distraught.
I discovered that Daily Mail sub-editor RH was the secret writer of scores of award-winning television dramas. This was on the same day that I overheard him say that he hardly ever watched television.
It was my brother-in-law JS who tipped me off with this news in Stockton. We had all stopped off at the White House on our way home back to Edinburgh after a reunion weekend in Nottingham. It was the first time that I had been back for years. I walked through the remodelled rooms, tracing the old layout. Although it was over thirty years since we lived there, our presence lingered in a display of dolls that included one of ours, and a patchwork cloth made by one of my sisters.
We were invited into the drawing room. The residents were much younger than I expected. Indeed some were just a few years older than me. Just about everyone had a dog. There was even an enormous, sloppy St Bernard. I asked about cats, but learnt that they were banned due to the number of people who are allergic to them.
I was struggling to quash the rumours that I was raiding public funds to finance all-expenses paid trips around the globe. In reality all my travel and associated expenses were being covered by my hosts, and not my employer.
After another argument over my forthcoming trip to Brazil I stomped off into Stockbridge to let off steam. I rummaged around in a rubbish bin outside the Shelter shop to retrieve some belongings that I had left there earlier. As well as my own watch, I pulled out another. It looked rather cheap, but I suspected that it could have sentimental value for someone, so I decided to take it to the police.
The nearest police station was on one of the Georgian streets that lay behind Raeburn Place. I did my best to navigate the short cut to my destination, but I couldn’t manage both the steep steps and the concrete slope. I would just have to keep the extra watch.
The evening entertainment that followed the Brazilian research symposium was a little unconventional. I’d never before attended such a reception in a shopping mall.
I was also very disappointed that the music system didn’t work, despite our valiant efforts with both CD and vinyl.
Dreamaticus 