Author Archives: Dreamaticus

Home improvement – with sheep (Rousse)

Posted on October 6, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The house was a-buzz with DIY and related domestic projects. While my university friend SB hosed down the steps to our New Town basement, TPR dismantled the broken external door handle to take for repair by the locksmith. It was … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1990s, 1998, antique, antiques, basement, bin, bins, burglar, burglars, burglary, burgle, busy nostalgia, calendar, calendars, Cambridge, coffee, decorator, decorators, DIY, door, friend, handle, home improvement, hose, hosepipe, hosing, kitchen, landlady, lock, locksmith, London, metal, New Town, plumber, reliable, rob, robber, robbers, rubbish, sheep, sitting room, slow, statue, statues, steal, step, steps, tactics, tax, thief, thieves, TPR, underfloor heating, university | Leave a comment

Rousse the scone thief

Posted on October 5, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The serving staff tried to shoo us out of the dining room by telling us to come back when it opened for breakfast. We stood our ground, refusing to leave hungry. Eventually some cellophane-wrapped green taco shells were found for … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged breakfast, cellophane, cherry, dining room, escape, green, scone, scones, serving, sultana, table, taco, thief, waitress | Leave a comment

Streisand marries Nolte – and Palin! (Belle)

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Dreamaticus

I was awake all night. How fortunate then that a television set had mysteriously appeared at the foot of the bed. I was able to watch two full feature films. In the first, Barbra Streisand was married to Nick Nolte. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Barbra Streisand, bed, Boots the Chemist, DJ, Doris Day, embrace, films, in-laws, kiss, Michael Palin, music, Nick Nolte, record, reggae, shop, telephone, television | Leave a comment

Changing of the bride at Buckingham Palace (Rousse)

Posted on October 4, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The Duchess of Cambridge despatched, I took over at Prince William’s side. The arrangement allowed for TPR to accompany me in my new role as royal wife, and initially we made a very happy threesome. However serious problems started to … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged accusation, accusations, accuse, apartment, apartments, bride, Buckingham Palace, Catherine Middleton, changing, changing of, Duchess of Cambridge, footmen, Kate Middleton, Katherine Middleton, marry, money, party, Prince William, royal, royal family, servant, servants, threesome, TPR, trapped, wedding | Leave a comment

How to serve Chardonnay Australian-style (Rousse)

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Dreamaticus

This means of marketing alcohol was completely alien to me. In my home country of Scotland tourists learnt about whisky by following a guide around a distillery, with the prospect of a free sample at the end of a tour. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alcohol, audience, Australia, Chardonnay, distillery, household, machinery, marketing, metal, pipes, plumbing, sample, Scotland, seat, seats, theatre, vinyard, whisky, wine | Leave a comment

Babe in the bushes (Rousse)

Posted on October 3, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Something caught my eye as I peered out of the bathroom window. At first I thought it was a squirrel in the shrubbery, but when I opened the back door and stepped out into the garden I realised that the … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged adoption, babies, baby, bangle, barcode, bathroom, bush, child, girl, hospital, mother-in-law, NHS, shrubery, squirrel, window, wrist | Leave a comment

Jools Holland, Danny Baker and strange events in London (Belle)

Posted on October 2, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The car was so old it had a split windscreen and cracked leather seats. I had no idea where it had come from, but even so I attempted to drive it at break-neck speed while seated in the passenger seat. … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged boyfriend, car, cider, Conran, Danny Baker, driving, Grand Central Station, Islington, Jools Holland, London, parquet flooring, proposal, receptionist, revolving doors, statue, the City | Leave a comment

Murder in the machair (Rousse)

Posted on October 1, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Although I had no idea what I was doing here, I recognised the familiar Harris landscape: islands, hills and the single track road, the perfect combination for cycling holidays by tandem. The official pushed open the roadside gate and led … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged beach, bodies, body, cliff, confess, confession, death, gate, Harris, hills, holiday, holidays. official, interrogation, island, islands, machair, murder, Outer Hebrides, questioning, sea, Seilebost, shore, single-track, tandem, Western Isles | Leave a comment

Single women looking for men, and a new line in hot tubs (Rousse)

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

TPR and GJ were sewn into a two-man Black Watch tartan straight-jacket. Forced together so closely, the dancing tutor believed this would speed up the process of teaching them the moves for the forthcoming ball. Neither was particularly charmed by … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged Atlantic, Balck Watch, ball, cheek, dance, dancing, Edinburgh, female, goth, guest, guesthouse, host, hot tub. salesman, husband, Isle of Lewis, party, salesmen, sea, single, straight -jacket, tartan, tattoo, TPR, waves | Leave a comment

Commuting by ‘Fawlty Towers’ ocean liner (Belle)

Posted on September 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The ocean liner departure hall was overcrowded and really confusing, yet still I refused to ask for help. I only wanted to travel as far as Hatfield, but I didn’t know if my ship would be departing from the north- … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged accountant, bullet holes, crime scene, departure hall, exam, Fawlty Towers, Hatfield, ocean liner, photograph, platform, police, post-it, ship, stairs, steward, Terry the Chef | Leave a comment