Dreamaticus

I wondered whether a holiday in Scotland was sufficient entertainment for my two girlfriends. However, all my doubts evaporated on our last day when the skies cleared, the sun came out, and we stumbled upon a spectacular air display.

We had no advance notice that three massive American air force planes were about to fly overhead. Our first clue was the crowd of anoraked men and boys lined up along the riverbank, all holding binoculars and cameras up to the sky. I approached a man with his teenage son and asked what they were waiting for.

“Haven’t you heard?”, the father replied, appalled at my ignorance. “The three largest planes in the US air force are calling in here in a few minutes. They’re en route from the Humber Bridge in Hull, Yorkshire to the North Humber Bridge in Hull, Sutherland. They are going to perform a few loops in the sky and then land nose-first in a pit. We’re all here to take photos.”

I was a bit confused to hear that there was a second Humber Bridge, as well as another town called Hull in the far north of Scotland. Nevertheless, this display sounded well worth watching so I shouted over to my friends that we should all get our cameras out and take position. We found a good vantage point away from the main crowd and hunted for our cameras. Mine was at the bottom of my bag and in the rush to find it I ended up scattering a whole load of my possessions all over the grass. As the roar of the planes on approach could be heard overhead I thought I had discovered my camera, but then realised that I had mistaken the pouch for my waterproof trousers for the camera case. It was too late for me to hunt any longer. I hoped that my friends would capture some good shots that they would be willing to share with me.

The three planes completed their loops in the sky and it now looked like they were preparing to head off again to the far north. “Well, that was fun” I thought, climbing down a grassy bank to pick up my belongings from the rectangular dip into which they had fallen.

Then I heard the roar of the planes’ engines again. I glanced sky-wards and saw that the plane at the front of the formation was heading straight towards me. I had forgotten that the man said that the planes were going to land nose-first in a pit.

I was in the pit. The plane was coming straight for me. The crowd screamed at me to get out of the way – not for my safety, but because I would ruin their photographs. I froze as the plane nose-planted with an enormous thud just inches away from me and the belongings that I had not yet had a chance to retrieve. How I survived the impact, I have no idea. It was a miracle.