Pens lost and found (Rousse)

PT interrupted F’s PhD supervision with a question.

“Are these pens yours?” he asked me. “Did you leave them behind when you moved offices?”

There were three pens in total: a beautiful dark blue-marbled fountain pen; the striped wooden roller ball that OC had given me as a present in the late 1980s; and a boring biro. I could tell that PT was hoping that I’d say that the first two weren’t mine.

“You can keep the biro if you like” I replied. The look on his face revealed his deep disappointment in my answer.

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Seal invasion (Rousse)

A couple seated a few tables away from us across the hotel dining room appeared to be sharing exciting news. I couldn’t resist interrupting my meal to run over to them and find out what was going on.

“Look out the window”, they instructed me. “We’re suffering a seal invasion. Nobody dare set foot on the beach”.

I pushed back the dining room curtains to see what all the fuss was about. Not an inch of sand could be seen under the writhing bodies of hundreds of overweight shiny black seals making their way up the beach from the shoreline. The bay was brimming with others coming into land. It was a truly spectacular – and frightening – sight.

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War Horse is “rubbish” (Rousse)

The first act of War Horse was tedious beyond belief. Why had we forked out fifty quid each to watch such a load of rubbish?

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Coronation Street actress disposes of murder evidence (Rousse)

I knew all about the murder, so when the police came to investigate it someone “kindly” shut me up by knocking me out with a stun gun. This silenced me for a while. However, it still didn’t deal with the fact that I knew (a) that the victim was killed in his bed, and (b) that Coronation Street’s Helen Worth was about dispose of the last scrap of evidence by sending the bed frame to the dump.

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A novel solution (Rousse)

Somehow we had to squeeze yet another desk into our crowded office. The obvious solution was for me to unpack the bookcase and take all my novels home.

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Unicycle motorbiking in the Scottish Highlands (Rousse)

I sped round Pitlochry on a unicycle motorbike. This was just as difficult as it sounds.

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The almost bigamist bride (Rousse)

At a workshop organised by JS, and attended by many of my friends (including JM), AC proposed to MSB. To everyone’s complete surprise, she accepted.

The next morning at breakfast AC refused his usual steaming cup of coffee for a pot of lukewarm herbal tea. It was as if drinking the pale purple liquid was a way of paying penance for his hastiness in inviting MSB to be his bride. He confessed that he didn’t want to marry her after all.

I volunteered to track down MSB to pass on the news. I suspected that she would be found at the Virgin Active gym at Edinburgh’s Omni Centre. I waited for her in reception. The gym staff regarded me with suspicion. Had I come to spy on their paperwork?

MSB emerged from her work-out and followed me out on to the street. As we walked along Queen Street (and before I had summoned up the courage to break AC’s bad news) MSB revealed that she deeply regretted agreeing to become AC’s wife. This made my job much easier. It was entirely sensible that the wedding now be called off, especially given that MSB was already married.

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Mislabelled marmalade crisis (Rousse)

I sat down to breakfast at my parents’ mansion. I was finally beginning to warm to the place now that I understood it layout, and was accustomed to the tourists who peered in to observe us every day.

When I put the slice of toast to my mouth I almost choked on the vile taste of marmalade.

“This jar says honey!” I protested.

“Oh dear, that would be your mother’s labelling” said one of the two servants hovering over me, as she whipped my plate away.

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Couple helpless as Royal Bank of Scotland head office goes up in flames (Rousse)

I was sitting on the concrete floor at Waverley Station, leaning against a plate glass window, when X approached me.

“What are you doing here?” I demanded to know. “Shouldn’t you be at a conference in Norfolk?”

X lifted me from the ground and attempted to give me a weak hug. His body felt very bony under his ghastly red chenille jumper.

“I had to escape from my nagging wife”, he replied. “I’ve always loved Edinburgh, so here I am.”

We stepped out from the railway station and walked up to George Street. At the far end of St Andrew Square we noticed an orange glare.

“Is that the Queen’s Hall on fire?” asked X.

“No, the Queen’s Hall is at the other end of town. That’s the Royal Bank of Scotland”, I replied.

We had nothing to offer the fire service so we headed out of town to spend the rest of the day in the sunshine on a beautiful two mile long sandy beach.

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A call for a highlands home (Rousse)

Normally JG would be the last one to pack up the island house at the end of the season, but this year it was me.

“You’ll need to have your cases ready by 13:00”, he instructed.

I reached over to put some cheery music on the CD player, then delayed the task of packing further by wandering over to the window. A small flock of oyster catchers span in the air, flashing black, white and red against the blue late summer sky.

It was sights like this view from the window that caused me so much pain. Why couldn’t we move to the highlands? Even Oban would be an acceptable compromise.

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