A disgraceful dip in the pool (Rousse)

It was a full hour before I was due to chair the presentation at Edinburgh University. I persuaded a couple of others that we had time to call in at the dancing conference on the way.

We entered a long hall where a Strip the willow as in full swing. Then I passed through a room where a woman was makin dancing shoes from soft, pale, leather. Finally I saw the swimming pool – and fell into it.

I had some difficulty getting out of the water with my flimsy linen trousers and top now transparent and my underwear on show. I was also worried that the beautiful shoes (bought brown, now dyed blue) from Nantes were ruined forever. Then there was the shame of having contaminated the pool.

I was now the most unpopular woman in Edinburgh – with precisely 40 minutes to get dry before my next gig along the road.

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Simon Le Bon and Duran Duran play Birmingham University reunion

I sat next to Simon Le Bon – and opposite Nick Rhodes and John Taylor – in a club with other former classmates following Duran Duran’s performance at our University reunion. Simon feigned attention in my tale about a friend of a friend who used to boast that the pop star student used sit on MH’s girlfriend’s radiator and complain about his spots. However, I could tell that he was much more interested in the other Birminghmam University graduate to his left: Women’s Hour presenter Jane Garvey. Even so, I was impressed that Simon was polite enough to listen to this tired campus legend, and that he asked me to explain my job title.

I wondered how we had managed to secure a world-famous pop band to play at our reunion. Could this be something to do with Jimmy Page and his relationship with another friend from our hall of residence? Whatever the reason, it had been a fun evening, but now it was time for me to head back to my hotel. Simon paid the bill for the table and led the ‘in’ crowd off to the next club. I was happy to find my very elderly friend and make arrangements for us to return to our accommodation.

It took a while to get my friend out of the club because she wanted to donate to charity some very expensive clothes that she had worn just once that evening. I was particularly taken by a light cardigan in pale yellow silk. Couldn’t she just give it to me? Apparently this was not the done thing: if it was valuable it should be given away to raise money for the poor and needy.

On our way back to the hotel we competed in a 10k race. I walked most of the course around the campus of the University of Birmingham. I did part of it with my old tutor EXX, who pushed his grandchild along the route in a buggy.

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Rwandan driver leads travellers a merry dance over the sand dunes of Holy Island with a horse (Rousse)

After an enormous breakfast of smoked salmon and roast potatoes – some of which I had to put back in the fridge because I simply couldn’t manage it all – I caught the train south. My travelling companions were TPR, a teenage Perthshire schoolgirl and her 5 year old sister heading for Heathrow airport with a sack of potatoes and several large bottles of milk, and a tall Rwandan man in his early twenties.

I had met the Rwandan before when we had shared a commentating job at a recent sports event. I was pleased to see him again. Indeed TPR and I got on with him so well that when we reached Berwick-upon-Tweed TPR and I left the train to take up of his offer of a lift for the rest of the journey south. At the time we didn’t appreciate that his mode of transport was horse and carriage, nor that we would be stopping off at every tourist attraction along the route to London.

The first destination was the Holy Island of Lindisfarne. It was bad enough that we would be interrupting our journey to cross the causeway and see the sights. Worse still, our driver felt obliged to access the island on foot. He unhitched the beautiful black horse from the carriage and led it over the sand dunes. TPR and I followed, carrying all our belongings for fear that they would be stolen from the carriage if it were left unguarded. Our driver walked at a terrific pace, and we soon lost him. Poor TPR struggled even to keep up with me due to blisters from his new shoes.

By the time we reached the island, and its new visitor centre which charged for access to the village, our driver had disappeared completely. His horse was tethered to a tree in the distance, but he was gone forever.

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An ousted father and an ice cream (Rousse)

We found the children dredging the canal in their back garden. Their mother was nowhere to be seen, apparently at work. When they fell silent we looked up and saw their father at the gate.

‘We are not allowed to speak to him’, the elder girl explained.

There were no rules governing the actions of me and TPR, so we were free to leave the girls and engage with their father. He gave me an over-long kiss, then led us along the road. He told us that he liked his new flat, and he knew where the three of us could find a nice ice cream.

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Monk’s bench fortune (Rousse)

I discovered three canvas bags stuffed with money. Two were orange and one was blue. I stuffed them into a monk’s bench while I considered what to do with ‘my’ recently acquired fortune.

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Caliper freedom (Rousse)

Holidaying with KA’s family was more fun than I anticipated, especially given the beautiful weather.

As we returned to the house after another fun day, we discussed plans for dinner. My idea of a barbecue was very popular. We also talked about KA’s blue calipers. She was pleased to report that they would be coming off her legs in about a month.

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A salmon sandwich (Rousse)

Every lunchtime RK bought a big slab of fish from the mobile shop at the railway station, not far from the office. He kept his purchase in the fridge in the office in the afternoon, then took it home in the evening for his supper.

I fancied a salmon sandwich for my lunch, so joined RK in the queue for the shop. When it came to paying, I couldn’t find my purse. However, RK kindly lent me £2.13 for my purchase, which included the VAT, calculated separately.

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Axe-wielding trespasser is not a thief (Rousse)

The still-warm blue overalls slung over a chair proved that someone else had been using ‘my’ dressing room – most likely one of the gardeners. I glanced out the window and saw him in action, swaying through the trees on a rope with an axe.

I was grateful that he had not touched any of my belongings while borrowing my space. Two lacy bras, a couple of heirloom rings, and a tiny silver seal ornament were all still sitting on the tall dresser where I had left them.

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A Tartan Pole (Rousse)

The first person that I came across upstairs at the White House was a sulky half-naked teenage Polish friend of my nephew. I was appalled that she barely greeted me when we passed one another in the upstairs hall.

When I heard that she was refusing to wear the outfit that my nephew had specially selected for her after much effort hunting through the local charity shops I felt obliged to confront her. I first accused her of being arrogant, then instructed her to wear the silk tartan waistcoat, tie and jacket – or else.

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Killer whale identification (Rousse)

‘Oh, and there are a couple of killer whales’ I said, pointing out to sea.

‘No they’re not’ my companion corrected me. ‘They’re just black seabirds close to the shore’.

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