Ghost walking with Steve Pemberton (Belle)

Posted on September 9, 2023 by Dreamaticus

My life was now the plot of a 1970s thriller. As yet unknown enemies had sunk my small boat in the harbour and I was back on land, attempting to blend in with the customers of an organised ghost walk in Borough Market. The leader of the walk turned around and waved an umbrella at a derelict-looking front door, saying “Now, there’s a story to be told here”. Realising our guide was Steve Pemberton, I said to myself “Uh-oh, this is NOT going to end well”.

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Hospitality industry staffing shortages (Rousse)

Posted on September 4, 2023 by Dreamaticus

I overheard TPR intimating that we would be more than willing to look after our landlady’s guest house on the Saturday of our week’s stay. Then he gave this stranger a detailed analysis of our financial standing. It appeared that she had judged our status on the basis of our tiny second hand car.

TPR had completely forgotten that our entire visit was built around a wedding that we were attending on Saturday (and we certainly had no need to earn any extra cash). There was no way that I was taking on the temporary role of chamber maid and bar maid to please anyone.

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Misplaced Midlands towns (Rousse)

Posted on September 3, 2023 by Dreamaticus

After delivering my lecture on the management of book groups, I met my old school mates for another of our ad hoc reunions.

The location of the venue was meant to be a surprise. When I opened my eyes I saw that I was standing next to a Dunlop factory on the edge of a new housing estate, with a small town visible in the distance.

The others asked me to guess where I was. They congratulated me on my suggestion of the Midlands, then held up postage stamps that commemorated the 150th anniversary of the Stockton to Darlington railway in 1975. This was rather confusing: Stockton and Darlington are not in the Midlands. Could they think (incorrectly) that York – with its railway museum – was?

My school mates deemed York a very poor guess. They announced the right answer (inexplicably) as Durham.

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Donating rhubarb to the Dutch (Rousse)

Posted on August 31, 2023 by Dreamaticus

My efforts exceeded all expectations.

Not only did I donate two of the plumpest rhubarb stalks to the war effort, I also led others to the Dutch embassy next to Buckingham Palace to ensure that they also made their own mandated contributions.

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Top pilates dancer breaks bones in Australian well accident (Rousse)

Posted on August 30, 2023 by Dreamaticus

While I had been away on holiday, the gym had undergone a massive transformation. Pilates classes were now taking place in a huge gym hall, with three instructors simultaneously leading sessions. The two instructors on the lower level favoured ‘traditional’ pilates. I was more interested in the activities on the mezzanine, where the focus was on dance moves.

I had travelled to the gym by car with PM, intending to join the same class as her. However, when my colleague BP rushed up to me to invite me to partner him in the dance pilates class, I abandoned my friend. We struggled at first with headphones and ear pieces, but not long afterwards BP and I were soon dancing our hearts out. What a blast!

The next day I learnt that BP had fallen down a well at his sister’s house in Australia. My dance partner had survived his fall, but broken many bones.

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A bus driver’s intuition (Rousse)

Posted on August 29, 2023 by Dreamaticus

My skills as a bus driver were called into question when I offered an apologetic explanation for poor stop management.

‘I saw that there was a stationary bus in front of me, and another behind, which I guessed was also hoping to pull in. I used intuition to determine my manoeuvres.’

‘Intuition is irrelevant to insurance claims’, said the other driver.

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Secret sister blogger (Rousse)

Posted on August 27, 2023 by Dreamaticus

My sister S snapped down the lid of her laptop when she noticed that I had been observing her editing a blog post. When had she learnt this skill, I wondered?

Under the impression that I could not have possibly had time to clock the URL of her site, she boasted that I would never discover her innermost thoughts, whether online or elsewhere.

Of course she was wrong. I couldn’t wait to scurry back to the privacy of my bedroom to download all the posts tagged ‘sistas’.

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Golden retriever rescue and rejoin (Rousse)

Posted on August 26, 2023 by Dreamaticus

My sisters and I came up with a novel way of releasing the golden retriever that had become tightly tangled up in its lead next to a metal fence.

We would chop the dog’s body in half with a chainsaw. Then we would take the two portions to somewhere where there was a bit more space. Here we would join everything back together again.

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Sister shoplifter (Rousse)

Posted on August 24, 2023 by Dreamaticus

When my sister S ‘accidentally’ dropped an ornament into her bulging handbag, my other sister J exclaimed ‘So what else from this shop have you dropped in there?!’

It was a mistake to speak so loudly within earshot of the store manager. She marched over and demanded that S empty her bag – and tip out a hefty stash of stolen treasures.

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