In a change to usual practice, all doctoral degree candidates now defended their theses in a classroom in front of the whole school.

When it was XX’s turn, the chair realised that he had a conflict of interest with the candidate.

‘Never mind’, he said ‘The student can chair himself’.

I objected to this, telling him that a PhD student doesn’t toil for 3+ years to this high point of the doctoral journey only to find that the staff are not taking the examination seriously.

I approached audience member GR to ask him to take over as chair. He agreed, then immediately passed the role on to SC. With all the arrangements now in place, XX took to the stage and I popped to the loo.

As I walked back to the classroom, I could hear whoops, cheers, and laughter as XX entertained his enthralled audience. When he stepped down from the stage with an admission that he hadn’t looked at his thesis in years, we all thought that the show was over. We were wrong.

XX’s PowerPoint slides switched to footage of him in pair of red underpants embracing an older man. His figure then leapt out of the screen, pursued by a different old man wearing a brown leather dress. The pair of them engaged in a mock fight Star Wars sabre style between sections of the audience. If XX’s thesis has been excellent, his final act brought the house down.