Time-travelling Rupert Grint (as Ron Weasley) greets Rousse in the Kingdom of Fife

This was one of the most interesting research seminars that I had ever attended: it was just like a circus performance. My favourite act was the set of extremely flexible women gymnasts. They all started off in crab position, tightly packed together. When they stood up straight again nearly all the members of the troupe had managed to switch body parts so that every top was matched with the bottom of someone else. If they could work on the last few disconnected pairs of legs and torsos that were left floundering on the stage, this act would surely take the world by storm.

As I was packing up afterwards, and struggling to untangle my vest from my shirt, ED dished out advice on social media. I assured her that I knew exactly what I was doing with my multiple Twitter accounts, and that she should not worry about my professional reputation (such as it was).

My plan was to travel home by bike. I didn’t have a map, but I was confident that I would find my way by following signposts to Edinburgh. My confidence was misguided – there was no signage – and before long I became completely lost. Then my bike started falling apart. By the time I reached the next village instead of the bike carrying me, I was forced to walk carrying bits of bike frame in my arms.

But I loved it here! It could have been just another of those drab, pebble-dashed Scottish border towns. However, the townspeople clearly had great pride in their high street, and every house was painted white or a pale pastel colour, and festooned with flowers. Beside the river there were signs for walking trails and bike tracks. Then I bumped into some people I knew: all the boys from the Weasley family. Ron looked about 13, so now I knew that I’d actually travelled back in time too. I vowed to come back here with TPR and the tandem in the present. I just needed to know the name of the place.

This, ladies and gentlemen, was new-look Aberdour!

Read more about Rupert Grint in Chasing Rupert Grint in the dark (Rousse).

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Working at home with red wine, Indians, a blind man, and hairy legs (Rousse)

I spent a morning with AB and WB “working at home” at their Edinburgh flat. RL was also a day-time regular at the B residence thanks to generous time off in lieu arrangements that he had negotiated with his gullible boss. His practice was to arrive mid-morning just as the red wine was served.

AB and WB conducted all their business transactions with Indians in an identical flat to theirs, two doors down the road. There I was introduced to a man with the softest hands. I wondered what kind of work he did. When he explained that he was a professional Braille reader I was embarrassed that I hadn’t already noticed that he was blind.

During her lunch break SL came to visit us all. I was surprised that she wanted to spend the whole hour talking about body hair. She was particularly interested in my legs. I looked down and saw what she meant. Beneath the knee I appeared to have grown a winter plumage worthy of an Irish Setter.

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Beach beauty tips (Rousse)

Even though it was still winter, I packed my pink swimming costume for our trip to the beach. I almost threw a bottle of shampoo into the bag too, but then had second thoughts. Washing my hair in the grey waves of the north sea would probably not be the “great, time-saving idea” initially envisaged.

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Fusion cooking goes wrong (Belle)

The roast turkey was carried into a room at shoulder height by three or four waiters. As the platter was lowered I noted that the chef had stuck a badger’s head where the turkey’s should have been.

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Flatmate shoot-out (Belle)

I didn’t know what I had done to upset my flatmate but she was not taking it at all well.

The gunfire had been going on for at least ten minutes and I was fortunate that my swivel chair was deflecting the bullets. I wondered why the neighbours hadn’t called the police. Was this normal behaviour in Birmingham in the 1980s? Eventually, after a scuffle, I grabbed the gun and threatened to shoot my assailant’s shoes off. The threat immediately pacified her.

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YouTube family secrets (Rousse)

I was going to be auntie to a new nephew in the summer. My family was adopting him from a doctor couple who had recently found that they could not cope with a third child. By the time he reached us he would be a one year-old. I discovered all this from a lengthy video that my sister-in-law had posted to YouTube.

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Tried and tested techniques for keeping young, travelling free of charge on the M1, and repelling criminals (Rousse)

Have you ever wondered how to keep young, which is the cheapest form of travel between Leeds and London, and how can you best avoid the attention of burglars? If so, read on…

How to keep young
I was under the impression that KB had retired but, in fact, she’d been sneaking into work for the past three years on Mondays and Wednesdays. I’d missed this completely because these were the days that I was usually out of the office. On the day that I finally caught up with her she looked great. The secret of her youthful good looks was simple: (1) only work two days a week; (2) undertake nothing more strenuous than a spot of PhD supervision.

The cheapest way to travel from Leeds to London
A complete stranger said that if I followed him, I’d uncover the best kept secret in British motorway travel. There’s a “free” coach that runs from Leeds to London at fifteen minutes past every hour. In reality, it’s not free, but if you just jump on and say that you are staff, nobody bothers to check whether or not you have paid the fare.

The best way to avoid burglary
My father-in-law lived on his own with very few belongings in small metal cage. I asked him why he had given up just about every comfort to last out his final days. He responded “This is the safest way to live. I now own absolutely nothing worth burgling.”

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New York’s finest and cream slices (Belle)

My secondment to the New York Police Department was nearly over and yet the NYPD officers were still taking every opportunity to laugh at me.

They thought my slow meander to the driver’s window of a stopped car was laughable. By the time I was ready to ask the driver for his licence, they had removed him from his vehicle, handcuffed him, searched him and the interior of his vehicle. Any respect they had ever had for British policing was rapidly being eroded by my amateurishness.

When it was time for me to fly back to the UK, my American colleagues gave me a box of three cream cakes to take back to my superiors. However, as I boarded, I stood too close to the front of the plane. The cakes floated up into the air and were sucked into the engines. I couldn’t even carry cakes properly.

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Dog and duck a worldwide hit (Belle)

My dog was an overnight YouTube sensation. It seemed the compilation of clips, documenting his friendship with a duckling, had really touched a nerve. In particular, the final scene, showing him riding around on the (now fully grown) duck’s back like a small jockey on a horse had people around the world roaring with laughter.

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Bob Dylan’s secret muse (Rousse)

Bob Dylan paused mid-song, stepped to the edge of the stage, and glanced down at a girl in the audience about three rows back. It was rather like the scene in Dancing in the dark where Bruce Springsteen pulls an unknown girl (Courtney Cox in the video) up on stage. However, in Bob’s case he knew exactly who he was seeking. He smiled broadly at his secret muse: me!

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