I landed in Wales for a holiday with my in-laws. Amongst the others first to arrive at the vast hotel were TPR, his sister JLR, and his mother and step-father. I detected a strange atmosphere, particularly around my mother-in-law and sister-in-law. Something was up!

My suspicions were raised further when I witnessed JLR trying to sneak into the bathroom with a bundle in her arms. From the doorway I watched her place a toddler in the bath. This couldn’t possibly be JLR’s child, even though the little girl bore a striking resemblance to her. When I confronted JLR, she was forced to admit that this was her younger sister’s secret baby, born just before she fell pregnant with her second son. The only other family member who knew about the toddler was my mother-in-law. I promised to keep this information to myself.

The following day we had the option of travelling into town to see the traditional tourist attractions such as the prom, the botanic gardens, and the fairground rides. I hoped that TPR would accompany me, but he opted to stay at the hotel and program instead. JLR, however, set off with everyone else and I was looking forward to chatting with her as we explored the resort. As soon as we stepped off the bus, I realised that she had other ideas. She popped in her earbuds and strode off, leaving me to my own devices. I was furious. Why had this family invited me to join them on holiday when they did not want to spend any time with me?

Back at the hotel once more, I caught sight of TPR heading along a corridor. ‘The F family is here!’ he shouted. I followed him up a staircase.

Sure enough, in a room on the fourth floor, L, T and their daughter K were there, lying pale and still in bed. I thought that they were all dead until T whipped off a soft plastic death mask, delighted to have fooled us with his prank.