The latest in ceiling decorating ideas: carpet (Rousse)

My father invited us all to choose our rooms in the new family mansion. My nephew P suggested that I bag the room next door to my enormous bedroom so that I could use it as a lab. I was more interested in the den off this second room (and, in any case, it looked like someone else was already setting it up the room next door as a dormitory for eight people).

What attracted me most to the den was its decor. The walls were covered in Air Force blue paper decorated with gold markings, and the ceiling was bordered with a beautiful white cornice. It was a shame though that the ceiling itself was covered in artex from the 1980s.

My nephew P had done much of the work on this room, helped by my uncle. What they hadn’t touched was the decoration of the store room off the den. Its vaulted ceiling was covered in carpet samples still attached to the rectangles of cardboard that gave their descriptions. It would have been a criminal act to change something so cool.

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JK Rowling’s new book (Rousse)

JK Rowling and I were enjoying a quiet day out together in Edinburgh. To begin with we got away with wandering around town without attracting any attention. However, when Jo put on her fur coat and started prancing around with an extremely expensive handbag on her arm, we were no longer inconspicuous.

A little girl came over to us and asked for Jo’s autograph. I really thought that Jo would tell her to get lost, especially given that she no longer responds to such requests. On this occasion, though, Jo was all charm.

As the famous author wrote her signature I felt extremely proud to be her friend. I also revelled in the knowledge that I had a rare signed first edition of Jo’s secret new book safely tucked up in my bag.

JK Rowling features on Dreamaticus quite frequently. You’ll also find her here:

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Terry Wogan’s dog (Rousse)

I bumped into Terry Wogan walking his white west highland terrier in the woods. At the time I was carrying a sleek black cat (sneakily kidnapped in the Midlands).

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Unwelcome distraction at the British Library (Rousse)

It was a huge commitment to travel from Edinburgh to London by train every Saturday to study medieval manuscripts in the British Library. This is why I objected so much to the shopping concession in the Humanities Reading Room and the rather large shop assistant who practised her dance moves to loud music throughout her shift.

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Battle of Flodden commemorations preview (Rousse)

We were stuck in an ill-equipped classroom several miles out of town away from the excellent resources of our main campus. Somehow I had to entertain this small class of postgrad students with no access to the online materials that I had prepared.

Then I struck upon an idea. One of the girls hinted that she came from a tiny place in north Northumberland. I took the chance that this was Branxton. I astonished Louise (the student in question) and all her friends with my encyclopaedic knowledge of the village, as well as the forthcoming commemorations of the 500th anniversary of the Battle of Flodden, planned for September 2013.

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Thirsty Queen congratulates academic on latest leg of jubilee tour (Rousse)

For security reasons the date of the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee visit to campus had been kept a closely guarded secret. It was a complete coincidence that I happened to come into the office on that particular day at the height of the summer vacation.

However, my dress for the occasion was completely unsuitable. I was ashamed to be wearing my “jupe des taches”, last seen circa 1982 when I looked after D and RM as their jeune fille au pair in France. Fortunately KT came to the rescue and was able to supply me with a formal Black Watch tartan kilt. Her own outfit comprised a cotton dress also in Black Watch, finished off with a tight black bow at the collar, so we now matched one another nicely. Meanwhile LC was adamant that she would not change out of the mini-skirt that she had discovered amongst my pile of sixth form cast-offs. She was welcome to it. That particular item of clothing would certainly never fit me again.

When the Queen eventually arrived I jostled with BP for a good position to photograph her. We stood together at the front as a University dignitary took the Queen through a PowerPoint presentation that listed staff achievements. When a slide popped up describing all my recent triumphs the royal guest turned round to congratulate me in person. Then she took a sip of water from a glass.

I took this opportunity to pass on some important advice. Anyone on the move as much as the Queen would be much better off carrying a sports water bottle to quench her thirst at regular intervals. She seemed to like this idea, but how would she manage to carry a sports bottle when she was already lumbered with all those bouquets of flowers?

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Vegetable gardening failure (Belle)

While potting on the seedlings, I had a sudden crisis of confidence. Why had I thought it a good idea to plant tomatoes on the dog’s back?

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Trip to fishing tackle shop trumps rapids ride (Rousse)

For all this time my parents had believed that they couldn’t walk very far, yet here they were heading home to England from Poitiers in France by foot. My mother even managed to carry a heavy shopping bag in one hand and my father’s sheepskin jacket in the other as she followed the route.

We almost stopped off on the way to ride the rapids in a small holiday resort, but when my father spotted the Hardy fishing tackle shop across the road, we changed our plans.

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Ménage à trois shocker (Rousse)

RG was executor of ECM’s will. Finally there was someone who could explain the controversy over my school friend’s lifestyle. Apparently everyone disapproved of E and her husband P’s domestic set-up in which their housekeeper Jane was counted as one of the “couple”.

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George Clooney autograph bonanza (Rousse)

George Clooney was here!

I saw him leaning against the wall, dressed in a lightweight beige linen suit, watching everyone. Nobody else seemed to have noticed him. This was an opportunity too good to miss.

I raced over with a pen and paper and requested an autograph. He asked which one I wanted. This was a puzzling question, but soon made sense when George explained that he used a variety of writing styles. I quite liked the looped signature, but greed got the better of me and I asked for a sample of every single style in George’s written repertoire.

Happily he obliged and soon set to work filling every page of my notebook.

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