Snogging a smoker (Rousse)

TPR thought that he was dreaming when KT climbed into bed with us and leant over to kiss him. I nudged him in the ribs and told him to stop. He’d regret it in the morning. He told me later in the bathroom (where we were trying to find some privacy ourselves) that snogging a smoker was not a pleasant experience.

The next day we set off along the Rue de Rivoli to meet VJ at a new friend’s house. The street was so crowded that I lost TPR almost as soon as we left. Once again I was extremely annoyed that he refused to carry his mobile phone on him at all times.

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Sating a stationery obsession (Rousse)

In the summer we would walk over the hills to the beach on the other side. We could even take bikes, so long as we were prepared to carry them part of the way. For the time being while it was still winter, however, we would head in the other direction and visit the industrial relics of the region.

The machinery at the factory was dated 1984, although the technology on which it was based was much older. It produced A5 sized metal letters. If you looked carefully on the ground, you could find ancient examples littered around the site. I set to work looking for the letters of my name.

Inside the factory there were drawers and drawers of stationery. I helped myself to piles of notebooks and post-its. IA questioned my greed for all things paper: was this really necessary? I explained that I was obliged to make the most of this opportunity now that we could no longer harvest stationery supplies on an annual basis at the (now defunct) Online conference.

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Insensitive weekend drug dealers (Rousse)

I spent the working day at my portable desk on pavement on the north side of Princes Street. It had a convenient storage slot where I kept a big supply of bottled water.

One Friday a bunch of ruffians offered me ‘something to help celebrate the weekend’. I took one look at their supply of tablets and screamed at their insensitivity. Then TPR leapt into action and chased them away.

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A wedding called off (Rousse)

I kept my promise and arrived at the French Registry office at 3pm on 11th July as agreed. A did the same.

‘Do you really want to go through with this?’ he asked.

‘Of course not’, I replied. (I couldn’t stand this man. In any case I was already married, as was he.)

We turned to the registrar and made our apologies. The wedding was off.

The only person to be disappointed was P. He had laid a bet of £10 that I would go through with the ceremony.

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A pink kitchen mural (Rousse)

The F family painted a pink mural which stretched across the whole length of their kitchen wall.

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An electric blue race to the airport (Rousse)

I wasn’t ready when TF met me to share a taxi to the airport. I hadn’t even ordered a car.

TPR volunteered to take us in the electric blue super-charged Rover. He was, however, concerned about the timescales – especially since TF said that there were other people to collect.

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A new study at the White House (Rousse)

By clearing the landing at the White House a lot of extra space was made available. My mother told me that a new room would be built there.

I begged for this to be a bedroom for me. I was sick of sharing with my sisters. I discovered (with grave disappointment) that it was going to be a study instead.

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Heirloom locket giveaway (Rousse)

The old lady’s handwriting said it all. She’d forgotten my name, but since we were such good friends online she wanted me to give me her precious heirlooms. These included a locket that contained an ancient black and white photograph of her parents.

I was surprised that BC, who actually knew GG in person, had not pointed out the folly of sending personal treasures to a near-stranger.

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A course in Corbridge – with popsicles (Rousse)

The venue for the course was the sitting room of my (dead) grandmother’s house in Corbridge. It was exactly as it was the last time that I had last visited it in the 1980s. The brown curtains still hung at the window, the ornaments above the television had not moved, and the photographs of me, my sisters, and our cousins were still fixed to the walls. I decided to take away some of the more precious artefacts such as the nineteenth century cameos and gold jewellery. I left behind the freemason’s rings embedded in the wall.

The syllabus of the course was unclear, but I did enjoy the skateboarding. It was so much easier than I remembered it. Apparently this was due to the new independent back wheel mechanism. It felt like I was hover-boarding as I moved along.

WB was also on the course. She led some of the other participants in the baking of popsicle cakes. I missed the opportunity to photograph them when the birthday candles were added.

There were a couple of unexpected course participants. MS had taken the decision to ‘just call in’ and an escaped mental hospital patient chased me along the street outside as I was waving a couple off home again after their full day of training.

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Radiation transforms terrier into reptile (Rousse)

Over the summer I used Branxton as my base, and popped into Berwick High School periodically to use the facilities there for completing my project. The house was still full of interesting artefacts associated with my maternal ancestors, including trophies that marked the astonishing achievements of my grandfather.

F was there too. My cousins had granted her permission to bring her pets to stay so she had her small black terrier cross with her. I petted it for a couple of minutes, then it turned into a long yellow lizard.

BB explained the transformation as a consequence of stepping into a pool of radiation. TPR volunteered to take a quick trip back in time to see when the dog had suffered such exposure (even though F insisted that she didn’t mind that she was now the owner of a reptile rather than a pooch).

Afterwards we all took a trip on my cousin’s bus. He drove the number 1 along the west coast of the isles of Lewis and Harris. The local passengers were particularly excited that we ‘strangers’ were using the service.

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