Angry driver destroys degree show display (Rousse)

Posted on May 20, 2016 by Dreamaticus

We queued for the degree show. This year it was held in the middle lane of a very busy highway. The traffic was forced to a standstill and the drivers were becoming increasingly frustrated.

For one enough was enough. He drew out of the queue and charged straight down the middle lane. He narrowly avoided the students and exhibit visitors, but destroyed the entire display. The students were distraught.

Afterwards I took a taxi with TPR and LM to a meeting with BP. I couldn’t find my work clothes so instead wore a ridiculous red gingham dress with plain black Ecco shoes.

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Jackpot Jack and the Beanstalk (Belle)

Posted on May 19, 2016 by Dreamaticus

JB, AL and I were off to the pantomime in Catford. We took in a pre-show drink in the beautiful red velvet bar. It all seemed odd. The show was meant to start 30 minutes ago, and where were the screaming children? Instead the bar was full of German football tourists, one of them wearing a silver sequinned shirt with his football scarf. JB was half-heartedly playing the fruit machine, ice clinking in her drink. I wasn’t paying much attention and was shocked with the manageress came to us stating “There isn’t enough money in Catford to pay your prize”.

At that point the principal boy began to sing on stage.

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An unconsummated marriage and home delivery comfort food (Rousse)

Posted on May 19, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I wed BB around ten years ago, but we never got round to consummating our marriage – which was just a well because we both had ‘real’ spouses of our own. An occasional quick hug and chat was all that we expected of one another.

I last saw BB on the day that XY ordered in a big plate of home delivery pork to cheer her up over her awkward doctoral supervision arrangements. She ordered the same for me, and a duck breast. The delivery man lingered for some time in expectation of a tip that never materialised.

After the meal we discussed weight and diets with my cousin EV at a table inside a big white marquee.

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Princess Anne’s trip to Jenners (Rousse)

Posted on May 18, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I bumped into my old pal Princess Anne (the Princess Royal) in Jenners. TPR and I were there (having arrived by helterskelter slide) to purchase some large electrical goods. The Princess was rather confused by the layout of the shop, so I agreed to show her around.

Most other customers in the shop gave my royal friend a wide berth. However, a couple of over-excited teenagers could not contain themselves. One stuck her mobile phone in the princess’ face in an attempt to take a close-up photograph.

‘Please stop that. She’s not an animal in the zoo!’ I shouted.

The princess herself was very polite. She was full of apologies when she accidentally bumped into a woman in a wheelchair . I wondered whether this was because she had suffered a reputation for rudeness in the past, and wanted to be sure that no such stories ever reached the press again.

I left the princess on the ground floor of the shop so that I could return to TPR. I glanced back to check that she was OK and saw that she was deep in conversation with a short Asian man. I was astonished that she appeared to know XY quite intimately, and wondered what terrible things he might be telling her about me.

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A wife denies an affair (Rousse)

Posted on May 16, 2016 by Dreamaticus

My boss took me to one side. He didn’t believe me when I told him I knew what he was going to ask me, but I was right.

I responded that I did not have an affair with BT in the 1990s. There were three main reasons for this:

  1. My husband
  2. His body
  3. The fact that he tracked my every move
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Lottery winners on a plane (Rousse)

Posted on May 15, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I was extremely lucky to have two seats to myself on the long flight across the Atlantic. I even managed to get some sleep in the first couple of hours of the journey.

However, I was very curious about the couple at the front of the plane. They were seated in a very comfortable cabin all to themselves.

Scruffy and loud, they didn’t look like typical first class passengers. I wondered if they were lottery winners.

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Will Young entertains a convict (Rousse)

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Dreamaticus

The bride had somehow managed to escape the bail house and make a trip to London.

Dressed in her long, white bridal gown, she took advantage of her rediscovered freedom to accompany her husband to a Will Young concert.

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The extraordinary habits of men (Rousse)

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Dreamaticus

As a guest of the convent I was let into an astonishing secret: at least half the sisters were really brothers!

Grey-bearded men applied in great numbers to undergo the transformation. Each entered a blue and white striped tent as a regular bloke in trousers, then reemerged as a nun under a long grey habit. Nobody on the outside ever saw through their disguise.

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Maddening Microsoft Word download (Rousse)

Posted on May 14, 2016 by Dreamaticus

The new update for Word was driving me insane. Now that Microsoft had made keyboards redundant I struggled whenever I started a new document.

I couldn’t understand why they thought that touching small three dimensional plastic icons that represented words would save time typing. I looked down in despair at my current choice of ‘text’: a tiny purple teapot with matching cup and saucer. How on earth could I compose a sensible paragraph with that?

Later E explained to me that I had probably downloaded the preschool version of the program.

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Hanky panky with a young project manager (Rousse)

Posted on May 13, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I got off with Stuart, a young friend of TPR’s former colleague MS.

Stuart worked as a project manager. This was useful for PS’s Masters project. He also drove a fast car.

But this romance would never work. For a start Stuart was frightened of my University pals JG and RA. More importantly, I was far too old for him.

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