How not to chair a meeting (Rousse)

All eyes were on me as the chair of the meeting. This made me very uncomfortable. It didn’t help that everyone had (unusually) turned up on this occasion so the room was packed with (mainly) men in suits (as well as a couple in kilts), all keen to show off their knowledge and undermine my authority.

I should have been better prepared and paid closer attention to the agenda and order of papers. Instead I just looked a fool when I told a psychologist that her idea of investing in research into the information behaviours and use of various demographic groups was pointless given the body of work on this theme in the Library and Information Science literature. A grey-haired man at the other side of the table made a patronising remark that meant ‘Stop boring us with your pointless conversation and take control of this meeting, you hopeless woman’.

When I finally steered everyone to the end of the business another grey-haired man flounced up to me and cruelly declared ‘Well, that didn’t go very well, did it?’ I looked around for support, but there was nobody prepared to provide any.

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Squeeze gig a hit at the Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh (Rousse)

TPR carried me on his back over the Hebridean beaches to our final destination of the Queen’s Hall, Edinburgh.

Here everyone was having the time of their lives at a Squeeze reunion gig. Across the dance floor we spotted K. She took a break from dancing to open her shirt and show us her scar.

After the gig I watched IH as she completed a paper feedback form to say how much she had enjoyed herself. How I wished that we had seen the whole show ourselves.

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Confusion over raw steak and murder victim body parts (Rousse)

I asked my sister-in-law J where I should store the raw steak. I didn’t want to put it anywhere near the butchered corpse in case it was mistaken for part of J’s murder victim. J suggested that I put it in the boot of one of the cars, but I didn’t know which one she meant. This was because she named an unfamilier model of 1950s American car. (She couldn’t specify the car by colour because we’d all travelled independently to the meeting spot in pale blue vehicles.)

While J was interviewed by a rather inept police detective I took a wander around John Lewis. It was late in the day and they were busy moving the displays around the store. I eventually ended up in the stationery section where a musician was fund-raising for charity by entertaining the shoppers.

MSB sidled up to me and urged me to donate. I was glad that I had bumped into her because I had intended to invite her out for supper on Tuesday. This provided the perfect opportunity to ask her out in person.

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Interview nerves (Rousse)

I had a part in so many research projects I was getting them all mixed up, and now they all merged into one.

I had to conduct an interview in the next five minutes and I had not even had sight of the interview schedule. I couldn’t remember if someone had passed this on to me. I blamed my time away in Manchester (twice up and down the M6 in the past week), and endless meetings (so long that you couldn’t recall eating the lunch provided).

Then I questioned why I was involved in this at all. Wasn’t it the responsibility of the PhD students to gather their data by themselves?

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iPhone dropped in water (Rousse)

I told him that this was a terrible idea, but TPR made me jump over the stream – and my iPhone fell out of my hand straight into the water.

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Yellow cherry tomatoes, red peppers and Settlers of Catan (Rousse)

I was busy sorting out the contents of the Settlers of Catan box so that everything would be in order the next time that we played. I’m glad I did so because inside the box JS found some yellow cherry tomatoes and I uncovered some slices of red pepper. These would make a rather sticky mess if we left them in there until the next time that we played.

Then I packed my suitcase and waited for newly-blonde ET while she popped to the loo. I didn’t envy her journey all the way to Canada, and was relieved that I was not travelling with her (partly because of the length of the journey, but mainly because I wasn’t very fond of her).

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From drama to dental school in California (Rousse)

I was in California on business for two weeks. TPR and my niece B accompanied me. B was about to start drama school there as an international student. We thought it important to check out her new university, not least because of the high cost of the fees.

The university building was very plush, its architecture ancient in style with heavy oak doors. Inside the rich decor included the deepest, thickest carpets. This did not feel like a drama school at all.

Then we discovered why. We had stumbled into the dental department. Extremely strict male lecturers looked down their noses at us and told us off for walking along the wrong side of the corridors.

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Falling for the charms of a lady lady killer (Rousse)

I agreed to take a photo of the huge group of people who had gate-crashed our party for their own celebrations. If only they could gather everyone together in the same room at the same time, this would be possible. While I waited for the group to assemble I took the opportunity to suggest to TPR that we convert the blue room into a sitting room by reinstating the fire-place.

Then I saw MLX – tall, dark, beautiful and ready to gather me into her arms. She admitted that she had already had two liaisons that evening, including a strategic encounter for the purposes of career progression with a woman called Juliet.

I hoped that MLX’s interest in me was genuine. Then, with barely a thought for her husband and her track record of other conquests, I acquiesced to her amorous advance.

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Intimate grape ritual (Rousse)

I hand-fed CQX grapes one by one, just as he liked it. I hoped that none of my colleagues across the room were paying attention to this intimate ritual.

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Child criminal caught red-handed at Paris airport (Rousse)

We had just landed in Paris on a flight from Copenhagen when I noticed that my red rucksack had gone missing. Then I saw it, in the hands of a small French girl. I knew that it was mine because I had attached a rare Sun Microsystems Sunrise club label to the handle. The little girl claimed that it was hers because she had scribbled her name on it.

I grabbed the bag and tipped it out – only to find that it contained the child’s dirty clothing. Even if the bag was mine, clearly its contents were not. So what had become of all my belongings?

Another passenger caught up with me, pulled an unusually shaped portable video camera out of his pocket, and displayed some footage on a nearby screen. This showed the child stealing my bag in Copenhagen. Now we had the evidence to prosecute her – and/or her father (who, conveniently, was sitting well out of the way, working on his laptop).

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