A lost watch in Edinburgh’s Stockbridge (Rousse)

I was struggling to quash the rumours that I was raiding public funds to finance all-expenses paid trips around the globe. In reality all my travel and associated expenses were being covered by my hosts, and not my employer.

After another argument over my forthcoming trip to Brazil I stomped off into Stockbridge to let off steam. I rummaged around in a rubbish bin outside the Shelter shop to retrieve some belongings that I had left there earlier. As well as my own watch, I pulled out another. It looked rather cheap, but I suspected that it could have sentimental value for someone, so I decided to take it to the police.

The nearest police station was on one of the Georgian streets that lay behind Raeburn Place. I did my best to navigate the short cut to my destination, but I couldn’t manage both the steep steps and the concrete slope. I would just have to keep the extra watch.

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An unconventional Brazilian research symposium (Rousse)

The evening entertainment that followed the Brazilian research symposium was a little unconventional. I’d never before attended such a reception in a shopping mall.

I was also very disappointed that the music system didn’t work, despite our valiant efforts with both CD and vinyl.

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Twin quad quandary (Rousse)

Were there two, three of four of them? Why did they all look so similar? In the end I asked the nearest one.

‘Oh, we’re just two sets of identical twin sisters’ came the explanation.

‘But you all look so alike!’

‘That’s because we are also quads.’

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David Cassidy steals Belle’s heart – and shoes

After the party I checked on the health of my rhubarb (good) and my damson tree (not so good). Had people been swinging on it? Then I set off across the city on various forms of public transport.

On the old fashioned DLR train, I realised my travelling companion was David Cassidy. The sparks flew! We attempted to pour out our life stories to each other, explaining what had brought each of us to this special moment. Then other passengers began to cheer – around us enormous mechanical Lego dinosaurs were rising up out of the lake. It was a spectacular sight.

David and I went to the Olympic Stadium where some sort of variety/sport hybrid show was taking place. As we wandered around back stage two different women approached David.  Each had met him after a concert and had spent one magical, falling-in-love evening with him and wanted to reminisce. I smiled to myself.  None of them had what we had now.  But then I realised I couldn’t find David.  I had lost him in the maze of corridors and studios. And then I realised that he had my coat. And my bag. And my shoes. He stole my heart.  And my things.

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Lost luggage in Chicago (Rousse)

I accidentally left my small suitcase on the plane when we were required to disembark en route to a connecting service in Chicago. It didn’t matter though because I was not due to arrive at my final destination for another couple of days. The airline staff would find my case in the overhead locker, check the label, and send it on.

Then I remembered that my hand luggage was not tagged. Now I was in trouble.

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Things to do in Dumfries and Galloway (Rousse)

Just over the brow of the hill we would reach the beach with the enormous waves. I screamed at TPR to slow down – otherwise we risked being engulfed in sea water as soon as we hit the sand. I was right to warn him. The tide was so high that the water came all the way up the sand dunes and spilled onto the road.

We turned away from the water’s edge and drove into the Dumfries and Galloway market town. I had forgotten (if I had ever known) its old fashioned narrow medieval streets. We spotted the children coming out of school, including twin sisters with long red hair.

Another child in uniform grabbed my hand and invited me on a guided tour of the school during the lunch break while the impressive school orchestra was practising. Afterwards I heard this girl tell another pupil that I was a more interesting guest than the last one.

I intended afterwards to catch a bus back into town with RR and PR, but when I saw BP and EH in the revolving door EH offered me a lift. I was tempted to accept because this would give me some extra time to catch up with work. EH then told me about her early days in the job when colleagues used to disappear for hours on mysterious ‘placement visits’.

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Dull conversation with the disorganised (Rousse)

The young lad who had been telling us about his eastern European Jewish heritage skipped ahead along Bruntsfield Place and stopped at a fast food outlet where he ordered a doner kebab. When we reached him TPR thought about asking for a portion of chips.

At the bus stop outside the shop we noticed a group of familiar faces from University days: HP, KP, GW, EW, PW and his girlfriend. GW told us that they had just tried to find us at our flat so it was a stroke of luck that we had all bumped into one another at the other side of town. I couldn’t understand why they hadn’t let us know in advance that they had plans to visit Edinburgh.

We took them to a pub just off the High Street. It was hardly a great night out. The conversation was very dull.

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Unholy sex and snogging (Rousse)

TPR was on Holy Island with LBX when he should have been on holiday with me.

I snogged PS to balance things up. It was years since I had last seen him, but he was as good looking as I remembered, and still in excellent physical health.

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Broken-legged Belle stars in selfie videos (Rousse)

Belle and I squeezed into the revolving door, then sat side-by-side on the bench, taking care with the positioning of Belle’s broken leg. Then I took out my iPhone. For the next half hour or so we went round and round filming hysterical selfie videos.

CM, who went through the door just once to exit at the other side, was furious that we forced him to wait so long for us. He couldn’t care less about our filming exploits.

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Couple squanders a million on five star city break to New York (Rousse)

With each meal costing almost £400 a shot, and accommodation at £700 per person a night, this holiday did not come cheap – even if the expenses were partially covered by TPR’s employers as an incentive trip.

Although we loved the five star hotel and access to the cruise liner on the quayside, we knew that we would bankrupt ourselves if we didn’t head home soon.

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