Late for a placement visit in Kilkenny (Rousse)

My first placement visit in the Republic of Ireland was in Kilkenny so I took the opportunity to call in on the G family in Thomastown. There I found BG mid-morning sitting in bed in a pink nylon nightie reading a trashy novel while JG was out at work. FG was also in the house, but he had no idea who I was. He simply winked at me as I passed him on the staircase.

I was running late for my appointment so BG suggested that she give me a lift to the station. She dressed, then led me to the family vehicle. This was not a car, but a mechanised open crate on wheels that could carry six family members (and a flock of sheep, if required). It was incredibly difficult to manoeuvre, especially when we took it underground to the fake tunnels.

When I reached the venue for my appointment I was rather late and completely unprepared for the meeting.

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Wooing by old rowing boat (Rousse)

I remembered IK best from hogmanay parties in the late 1980s.

It came as something of a surprise when he popped up in my life again, super-keen to win me over as his next romantic conquest by showing off his battered old rowing boat.

(TPR was not amused.)

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Louis Theroux in love (Rousse)

I hoped to slip out of the conference hall unnoticed when I heard JK mention my name. I had no option but to return to the round table and discover what she was saying about me.

‘I was just talking about your relationship with Louis Theroux’ she explained. ‘The others would love to hear how you got together when film-making’. I groaned inside. Did I really have to go through all this again?

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Contempt for media mogul Rupert Murdoch (Rousse)

When Rupert Murdoch was announced as the keynote speaker only three of the newly-appointed staff stayed in the room. The rest marched out in protest, displaying their utter contempt for the media mogul.

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Flying on Air Force One – but not sleeping with the president (Rousse)

I flew the international skies on Air Force One as a member of the US president’s core team. Unlike LM, however, I was not also sleeping with the leader of the free world.

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Vertical paragliding (Rousse)

My neighbour’s AS’s hobby was vertical paragliding. He’d come back from work, attach his rainbow silks, and shoot into the sky above our building.

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Early for the bus (Rousse)

I put on my long black cashmere coat, hoisted my rucksack over my shoulders, and headed out of the door to the bus stop. I could see a number 11 coming down the hill, but didn’t manage to reach it in time because an elderly couple was blocking the pavement.

I waited a long time at the bus stop in the cold. Thank goodness for the pair of the gloves that I found buried in my coat pockets. It was only when I checked my watch did I discover why there was so little traffic on the road. I’d left the house far too early for work: it was only 3:00am.

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Balderdash, chocolate buttons and Amelia Earhart (Rousse)

I had to interrupt this ridiculous game of Balderdash. Why did anyone ever get the impression that it was a straight general knowledge quiz?

So what if Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic? More interesting would be alternative explanations for her fame read out loud, followed by a vote.

I organised everyone around the table for a practice round, with Cadbury dairy milk chocolate buttons served as an alternative to breakfast.

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The black-haired fake Beatle (Rousse)

My sisters-in-law had given my husband a make-over. His hair was now dyed jet black and flopped over his ears Beatle-style. He looked ridiculous, but nobody was allowed to say so out loud.

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Building fake pillar boxes for reasons unknown (Belle)

My mission was to place four red pillar boxes around the local area in a way that they would attract no attention at all. Using a mouthful of screws and two tiny screwdrivers I completed the task but realised later that I had positioned one as if it was waiting at a bus-stop.  Knowing that the crime of ‘messing with the Royal Post Office’ was taken very seriously, I set out to undo all my good work.

I evaded my assassin by becoming French as soon as I ran through the fire doors.

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