Pugs, police and a miniature sports car (Belle)

I developed an internet search training course for pugs and their owners and left my colleague in charge.

Meanwhile, I set out to buy some ribbons but ended up as the passenger in a chrome and burgundy sports car. It was a thing of great beauty that couldn’t be properly secured when we parked it on the high street.  While we were away hundreds of strangers queued up to climb into the car and take selfies. Angry I complained to a police officer who jumped into the car and took me on a terrifying joy ride. This included driving at roadwork barriers (“I’m a police officer darling, trust me”) and – for a horrifying minute – cutting his toenails with one hand and steering the car with the other.

When I returned to work, the bunk beds were unmade and the training room was full of dachshunds and not pugs.  Something  had gone wrong.

 

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Deep coffin digging (Rousse)

JM dug a huge trench just the right size for a coffin – but very, very deep.

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Princess Diana reunites with Prince Charles (Rousse)

Princess Diana returned from the dead to reunite with her former husband, Prince Charles, Prince of Wales.

Prince Charles also informed me of the death of his steward, Andy Lamb.

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Angelina Ballerina fans interviewed by Rolf Harris (Belle)

My friend JB and I were on one of her famous ‘pantomime crawls’. We arrived at the theatre in time for the Angelina Ballerina curtain call.  Small children were screaming with delight as a hippopotamus in a tutu took a curtsey.

Rolf Harris was interviewing audience members via a big screen. I thought – “this seems a bit inappropriate”.

Later I fell in love with a student and pursued him for years.

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A dancing Donald Trump (Rousse)

It was only midday when I registered for the event, but already most of the delegates – including Donald Trump – were dancing in the auditorium.

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Bare bottom disgrace (Rousse)

Princes Street was brimming with brides in town for wedding shows. Fortunately none paid any attention to me, struggling to cover my bare bottom with a pair of big white pants. There was, however, one person who was rude to me. She called out that I was a ‘disgrace to humanity’.

From Princes Street I caught the bus to Corstorphine, intent on arriving in time for a meeting at Queen Margaret College. It was only after some time wandering the streets of this Edinburgh suburb that I remembered that the campus had switched to Musselburgh in 2004.

On the other side of town, BM – who I thought was a lecturer – spent his days on campus behind a reception desk fielding queries fired at him by undergraduate students.

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Return of the red Peugeot 205 (Rousse)

So everyone was right. We had only survived a couple of months without a car.

Worse still, our ‘new’ vehicle was actually a very old one: my 1988 red Peugeot 205.

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Border crossings and spy work (Belle)

Although I had joined the stationery warehouse as an office junior, I was actually working with Dame Judi Dench for a spy network based in London in 1944. We had an enemy in our midst and I was tasked with befriending her and escorting her to the tube station.  As we chatted, one of my colleagues shoved the woman onto the tracks and under the train.  I was shocked – no-one had warned me this was about to happen.

Later, I went out for a stroll with the dog and with GH.  We walked across a long bridge and he turned to me and said, “Well, I’m crossing over to Canada now.  Bye”. This left me in an awkward position.  I had no passport, yet somehow I  had managed to leave the USA. The border guards took me to their staff room and I teased them about how badly Americans make tea.  I couldn’t tell if they were flirting with me or interrogating me.

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The work of Val McDermid: where to start (Rousse)

Val McDermid and I chatted on the top deck of the bus.

‘I am embarrassed to admit that I have never read any of your books’, I confessed. ‘It’s just that everyone says that they are so gory and that I’ll hate them.’

‘Don’t listen to these idiots’, Val advised. ‘Read just one and you’ll be a fan.’

‘Where should I start?’ I asked.

‘Anywhere’ came the reply.

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Miniature schnauzer makes a hopeless guard dog (Rousse)

The burglar worked his way around our room helping himself to bits and pieces from the dressing table and cupboards. Meanwhile our miniature schnauzer lay happily on our bed with his legs in the air, willing us to tickle him.

‘He’s got to go’ I said to TPR. ‘He’s hopeless as a guard dog.’

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