Category Archives: Uncategorized

Front half Volvo dumping (Rousse)

Posted on May 8, 2021 by Dreamaticus

We shouldn’t have invited our posh friends round for drinks in our yard when pandemic restrictions were still in force. Ignoring all the rules, they decided to stay overnight inside our flat afterwards. In the morning I found a bunch … Continue reading →

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Mobility scooter road hog emigrates to Canada (Rousse)

Posted on May 6, 2021 by Dreamaticus

TPR finally confessed that he had been unfaithful to me for years, having slept with numerous women from the very start of his career. I was not entirely surprised, but it was a real shock that he was leaving me … Continue reading →

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A free tube ticket (Rousse)

Posted on May 4, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I travelled to London Heathrow by plane with no ID, no money, and no phone. I did not go through arrivals after I disembarked the plane. Instead I crossed the tarmac to the Thames and followed the cobbled path along … Continue reading →

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Escape from the giant drag queen monster (Rousse)

Posted on May 2, 2021 by Dreamaticus

TPR scooped me up into his arms to carry me and run for our lives. Eventually there was sufficient distance between us and the monster: an eight foot, heavily made up, bald, drag queen with red flashing eyes primed to … Continue reading →

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Short shorts on a fat body (Rousse)

Posted on April 29, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I’d grown so fat that I could only pull my turquoise shorts up as far as my thighs. It was extremely uncomfortable (as well as unsightly) to wander about dressed in this fashion. I needed to go clothes shopping – … Continue reading →

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Living art in plaster (Rousse)

Posted on April 20, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I plastered SS into the wall so that only her blinking left eye was visible. Next I would frame my living art creation. I planned to find a ready-made white frame at my mother’s house.

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Garden tools break the rules (Rousse)

Posted on April 18, 2021 by Dreamaticus

At the airport, my sister-in-law JLR carried the hoe, and her partner J the rake. It wasn’t until we were just about to board the flight that it occurred to us that the size and shape of these items contravened … Continue reading →

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Unqualified medical advice in Stockton-on-Tees (Rousse)

Posted on April 18, 2021 by Dreamaticus

My mother lived happily alone above a pharmacy in Stockton-on-Tees. Our only worry was that she was offering medical advice to her visitors. This was on account of her proximity to the drug dispensary. We told everyone to ignore her.

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A new job at the University of Nowhere (Rousse)

Posted on April 14, 2021 by Dreamaticus

My colleague called in sick, so I offered to take his class. My instructions were first to collect his teaching materials from the print room. These comprised: a selection of peer-reviewed journal articles, each in a buff folder; a special … Continue reading →

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Belle blasts Beastie Boys

Posted on April 12, 2021 by Dreamaticus

I was cast as a ‘Greek Chorus’ type flatmate in a reality show. I would make strange entrances and exits and comment on what the contestants were up to. My most famous entrance was via a black shiny helicopter equipped … Continue reading →

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