Even though I vowed to him that I would never stray from the arms of TPR, my father’s cousin did his clumsy best to seduce me.
His attachment to a thin ornamental walking cane – supposedly a support for his weak wrist – was enough to put anyone off. Add to this dry kisses in his shabby brown Birmingham bedsit and it was obvious that this would never be the start of a passionate love affair.
His whole mission fell apart when railway hospitality staff started popping in and out of his bedroom to collect glasses for the evening service on trains leaving New Street station. By the time his flatmate turned up I was dressed in a yellow summer 2019 season retro cotton sundress from C&A and fawn ankle boots, ready to make my escape for a night on the town with an overweight bottle blonde friend from Newcastle.