Tag Archives: surgery

When breasts head south (Rousse)

I hadn’t expected to bump into London-based SW in the Outer Hebrides. Yet here she was, as large as life, all aglow in a bright orange, and very clingy, T shirt dress, lounging lazily on the seat of a bus … Continue reading

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Scar incision treatment protects against exploding breasts (Rousse)

The hospital staff recalled me for a puzzling procedure called ‘scar excision’. I had no idea that this was part of my long-term treatment, and was rather reluctant to go through with this notoriously painful operation. By now my scar … Continue reading

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Katie Price is a patchwork of plastic surgery (Rousse)

I joined Katie Price and Peter Mandelson as an extra on a film set in Edinburgh. Up close Katie Price looked terrible. Her face was a patchwork of plastic surgery and the reconstruction of her teeth barely disguised.

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A cosmetic surgery suspect (Rousse)

I was pretty sure that TDX had undergone cosmetic surgery. Her front teeth were now a set of neat white pearls set in gummy pink plastic. I also harboured suspicions regarding her lips.

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A day trip by train to Plymouth (Rousse)

I was disappointed that TPR would not join me on my day trip by train to Plymouth. It was such a beautiful summer’s day, and he would have enjoyed the ride (even if the train was packed, especially in the … Continue reading

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Murderer serves lunch to transsexual surprise guest feet away from victim’s remains in biscuit tin (Rousse)

I planned X’s murder to coincide with his holiday. That way nobody would miss him when he didn’t turn up to work. While I deliberated over where to dump his body parts, I kept them in a small round red … Continue reading

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Katie Price returns to work as earnings drop (Rousse)

Katie Price (AKA Jordan) was offering her services as a beautician at Edinburgh Royal Infirmary. “Why would anyone with your wealth be waxing other people’s legs?” I asked her. “I only earn £300,000 a year”, she replied as she called … Continue reading

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BBC employee discovers drug den in Edinburgh’s Stockbridge (Rousse)

My high-powered job on Radio 4 required regular trips to London for meetings. Because I needed to be up early the next morning to catch the 05:40 train, I had to consider my sleeping options carefully. The first possibility was … Continue reading

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Chat cures all in medical practice staffed by volunteer “doctor” (Rousse)

There was a staff shortage at the doctor’s surgery so TPR stepped in to help (even though he had no medical qualifications whatsoever). When I asked how he was getting on he assured me that all was fine. Apparently most … Continue reading

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Miss Piggy’s plastic surgery and GCHQ’s latest discovery (Rousse)

“Miss Piggy was the first animal to go under the knife”, said I, the renowned expert on plastic surgery for pets. The conversation continued as we hobbled along the country lane that ran alongside the M5. The tramp was good … Continue reading

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