Detention for a naughty school girl (Rousse)

GW and I sat up at the front of the minibus next to the driver – a 15 year-old blonde girl dressed in her pale blue school uniform. While I fiddled with my camera settings in an attempt to keep the body on “adult DLSR” (rather than switch to a white plastic child’s model), our driver chatted away at us incessantly. She hoped very much that we were enjoying our “holiday in Europe”, completely oblivious of our status as senior academics travelling on university business.

A warning light illuminated on the minibus dashboard to indicate an obstruction ahead. In the middle of the road about half a mile further on we encountered the child-driver’s gym teacher, his arms outstretched. He was furious with his pupil for sleeping with a dark-haired Olympic swimmer in the school swimming pool changing room. As punishment he had come to collect her and put her in detention.

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A new reality TV star (Belle)

My friend JB had become the unlikely star of a new reality TV show.

Cameras at a supermarket car-park filmed members of the public attempting to park their vehicles in bays that were slightly too small.

JB had won over the jaded British public with her ability to remain calm and for coining the country’s latest catchphrase – “Am I in yet?”

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Rousse reveals a mean streak

J was surrounded by a mess of papers and five pound notes. On closer inspection I discovered that the papers were newspaper cuttings about all her former triumphs, and it dawned on me that what she was doing was waiting for someone to read them. I thought it would be really funny to see what would happen if I gathered them up and put them on the fire – just to test her reaction, of course…

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Burnt breakfast and a wet trip to Edinburgh Zoo (Rousse)

All the ingredients were laid out in the kitchen so I made a start on breakfast: one slice of bacon and a fried egg for me in one pan; three fried eggs for TPR in another. While all this was cooking I mixed up pepper slices (orange), raw green beans, chopped tomatoes, with five or six varieties of cheese (including feta and Stilton). When TPR emerged from the bedroom he was appalled to discover the bacon and eggs burnt to a crisp, and announced that he did not find my “salad” appetising.

Breakfast abandoned, we set off for Edinburgh Zoo. We had to pay extra to get through the gates at dawn, but it was worth it for the view of the three suns rising over the North Sea to the east. Our photographs would be good, even though we had forgotten to bring our DSLR camera.

Then it started to pour with rain. Neither of us had packed a coat for our day out. We were idiots.

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A wasted trip to the University of Birmingham’s Muirhead Tower (Rousse)

I found my timetable on a scrunched up piece of brown paper in the bottom of my handbag. I’d looked at it so infrequently that I was unsure as to which way it read: were those the hours across the top of the sheet or down the side? There were several classes listed here that I had never attended over the course of the year.

I turned to SPC (now SL) and asked whether she’d ever been to something called “Project Management”. She replied that she had, and she advised me to get along to the class and find out about the course work before it was too late. If I failed this module, I would surely be forced to leave the University of Birmingham without a qualification.

I stuffed the timetable back into my bag and set off for the Muirhead Tower. Here I hoped to find a friendly tutor. The building had a changed somewhat since the 1980s, and I was sorry to see that the paternoster lifts had gone. When I reached the third floor I checked the staff lists to see which of the tutors knew me well enough to sympathise with my plight. None of the names were recognisable. I was on my own now, and would almost certainly fail my degree.

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A relationship break-up and a reunion (Rousse)

My husband and I separated. He got to keep the flat and I moved in with a woman who had also just suffered a similar relationship break-up.

I survived just one night without TPR. I missed him so much, just as he missed me. Although it would cost a fortune to get me out of the leasing agreement on my new place, I was definitely coming home.

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The bicycle rack thief (Rousse)

Petty theft in the Scottish highlands was at an all-time high. We came out of our bed and breakfast one sunny morning to discover that someone had stolen the bike rack from the roof of our car. Strangely the yellow tandem was left intact.

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Mafia threat over late PhD (Rousse)

The Mafia boss grabbed both my wrists, pulled me within inches of his ugly mug, and spat out his threat:

“If you don’t finish that PhD soon, I’ll sue you for the sponsorship money”.

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Student presentation overload (Rousse)

This was going to take forever. Every student that I had ever taught was lined up to give a 5-minute presentation. I most pitied those at the back of the queue. What a wait it would be for them!

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A bad job interview soon forgotten (Rousse)

I’d been drafted in to help recruit some new research staff for Sunderland University.

The panel members compared their notes after the interviews. We agreed that one of the candidates was hopeless. The chairman also noted woefully that it would be a tricky job providing feedback to someone who failed the task in just about every respect.

Then I looked up from my papers. Who was that extra person in the room, nodding in agreement? How embarrassing: it was the hopeless candidate herself! What was worse, she didn’t seem to realise that we were talking about her.

I soon forgot all about this when SM asked me about my “double cheek”. He was one of the few people who knew me well enough to have spotted my tiny facial scar – and I loved him all the more for asking.

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