Looking for a lighter (Rousse)

‘Dressed’ only in a white hand towel, I had locked myself out of my room. Regardless I joined the others at the disco where my playlist was keeping everyone well entertained. NP led the singing, as usual. Towards the end SMcC’s partner AS revealed that he was a smoker and asked me to find him a lighter. Accommodating as ever, I set off on this new mission.

I knew that if I could find XY, he would have a lighter. I thought I spotted him in Waterstones, but soon noticed that everyone was wearing black and yellow bandanas, and they couldn’t all be him. A better bet for lighter supplies would be one of two male friends from school – MG and ST – both of whom told me independently that they were about to open competing newsagent businesses.

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Loyal husband cuckolded by crofter – again (Rousse)

Falling back into G’s arms seemed so natural. All thought of TPR evaporated – until KA spotted me sneaking out of the croft gate the next morning. Would she tell on me, I wondered?

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Moomin stationery encounter (Rousse)

I met the author of a relatively well-known academic web site in a shop that sold Moomin stationery. I was disappointed that she had never heard of me, even when I told her my Twitter handle.

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Adding a second floor to a bungalow (Rousse)

‘We need to get this car fixed’ I said to TPR as it juddered up Burnland Terrace in Hexham. I was embarrassed that SM was a passenger in our old Fiat Stilo, and witness to its poor performance.

The problems with the car were forgotten when we turned into Broadway Gardens. L, T and family had moved into number 6 (now renumbered 22) following some renovations. They joined the house to the garage, installed bank-grade security doors, raised the roof, created an upstairs floor, added five bedrooms, and landscaped the back garden. This was no longer a bungalow for the retired, but a mansion and estate that would take some looking after. For a start the F family now needed three gardeners just to keep on top of the weeding.

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Confusion on Edinburgh’s 47 bus route – in Liverpool (Rousse)

TPR checked the bus routes online. We needed a 47. We jumped on the bus and it took us so far beyond the city limits that we did not recognise our surroundings.

When we asked the South African traffic warden where we were it dawned on us that we had bought bus tickets for a service in Liverpool, and not Edinburgh.

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A disputed opinion of Brooke – and another lost suitcase (Rousse)

It was probably just as well that I was leaving town. The last few meals with NP, GB and JLW had been rather awkward. Somehow I kept saying the wrong thing. The last straw came when one of the others started talking enthusiastically about a school friend called Brooke. I was sure that I had taught this woman in my last job. My assessment of her did not match with this glowing report, but it would have been impolite to say so.

The problem with my departure, however, was that (once again) I had lost the suitcase that I had purchased with my Tesco vouchers. This time I left it on the train at Haymarket Station.

TPR eventually came to the rescue. As well as finding my suitcase, he brought the pair of black trousers that I had forgotten to pack. It was a pity that he hadn’t also had time to create the PowerPoint file I needed for the conference the next day. Although I had the full presentation written out in long-hand, I had no slides. I just hoped that my slot would be programmed late enough in the day so that I would have time to create some slides before I was due on stage.

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Elton John and George Michael row in Danish sauna (Rousse)

Elton John screamed at George Michael to grow up. Then he flung the upholstered waste paper basket at him. It missed, and landed at my feet. George then came over to moan at me about his relationship with Elton John.

Listening to complaining pop stars was not on my list of things to do while on holiday. Indeed it had come as a complete surprise to find these two in residence at the Danish sauna that we were renting from MSB over Easter.

I had no idea that MSB mixed in such circles, nor that she regularly lent out her holiday home to her rich and famous friends.

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A demanding bride and the perils of a Tesco suitcase (Rousse)

Due to the flood, a quick decision was made to switch the venue of the wedding. Instead of a small parish church in Broadway in the Cotswolds, the venue was now a massive Catholic cathedral in the City of London. (The bride had recently converted.)

With the change of location, and a requirement from the demanding bride that all guests provide proof of (1) a minimum income band and (2) strong academic qualifications, many were now unable to attend the nuptials. Fortunately I held the prerequisites for participation. It didn’t matter at all that I was not wearing shoes.

Afterwards I intended to fly home from Heathrow with LF. My plans fell apart when I lost my suitcase on the tube to the airport. I was sure that I had left it on a luggage rack, but now it was gone.

I forced the man who had stolen my iPhone to pull each case from the rack to see if it were mine. Although many were very similar, my own was still missing. I could only conclude that mistakenly picking up, as well as losing, suitcases was the price we all now have to pay for everyone simultaneously buying suitcases with their Tesco vouchers.

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New Zealand rugby team visit (Rousse)

I was busy making arrangements for K, S, E and R to get into the bar at the local gym over the Easter holiday. Meanwhile GG was looking forward to the New Zealand rugby team using the same facilities.

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Tsunami photograph (Rousse)

TPR photographed the tsunami against the sunset with his iPad. I wanted to take over because he kept missing the peak of the wave. We both feared for the lives of those swimming in the bay.

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