People carrier test drive disaster (Rousse)

‘Mr F!’ I exclaimed when I saw TF in casual dress in the corridor at work. I wasn’t expecting to see him, so this was a lovely surprise.

However, I was not the reason for his visit. He had come to ‘discuss business’ with SS. As she showed him into her office I suggested that he come and see me after their meeting, if he had time.

About half an hour later TF found me in the car park. I was about to test drive my new vehicle – a metallic blue people carrier. I opened the back door and invited TF in. (I had to shove the hairy black dog out of the way a little to make some room.)

TF climbed over the seats to the front of the car, then wasted no time in turning the key and pressing his foot down on the accelerator. Without my permission he put the car into reverse – and smashed into someone else. He didn’t care. Within 10 minutes we’d damaged four other vehicles.

I found the emergency alarm button on the dashboard and pressed it as hard as I could. A police car and ambulance raced over to us.

I hoped that everyone would recognise that I was not the destructive force at the wheel of the metallic blue people carrier. This was all TF’s responsibility.

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A foolhardy show-off sailor (Rousse)

‘Don’t worry about me!’ I called cheerfully as I inched along a long thin metal strut suspended high above the main deck of the boat. It stuck out over the sea like an enormous tuning fork lying on its side.

‘I’ll easily get back’, I added, just in case anyone doubted my balancing skills. I genuinely believed I could reach the other end, turn myself around, and work my way back again.

Then I looked down and saw just how far it was all the way down to the dark waves below. I froze. The only way I would ever move from here would be with the help of a coastguard helicopter rescue team.

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Newsagent exploits his neighbours (Rousse)

I was staying in the tiny estate house that belonged to the family of my school friend KM. They lived next door to a newsagent.

I looked out of the window and asked who cared for the patch of green next to the house. KM explained that the newsagent’s newspaper delivery customers took it in turns to mow the grass. She implied that her parents were part of this arrangement.

I thought that this was ridiculous. Why would you pay to have your papers delivered when you lived so close to the shop?

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A near gobbling (Rousse)

We were on a road trip across the US with my cousins N and D. We stopped at a ranch where an old farmer showed us his stock. TPR took it upon himself to see if he could out-run the new-born cattle.

He chose a weak-looking bullock to chase. This was a terrible idea. He narrowly avoided being gobbled alive by the angry animal.

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Danish avant garde drama disappoints Manchester audiences (Rousse)

We’d heard that the play was set in a railway carriage so TPR thought that the best place to sit would be the back of the stage. KA and I soon put him right, arguing that we didn’t want to spend three hours staring at the actors’ backs. We refused to sit in the seats that he had saved for us and moved elsewhere. We soon switched places again when an enormous man took a seat in front of us, and again for a third time when we realised that if you were too close to the stage you couldn’t see all the action.

All this was pointless, however, because we found that the Danish avant garde production in Manchester was not to our taste at all. Before long it was obvious that most of the audience agreed, and started vacating the theatre. I wandered away from my seat for a while and when I came back I accidentally ended up on the ‘set’ which had now moved into the audience space. The only interesting part of the whole production came when KA’s daughter R was invited onto the stage to dance.

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Woman gives birth to seal (Rousse)

My friend showed off her beautiful new baby daughter. She was a tiny glossy silver-coated seal. I had never seen a sweeter face with such appealing dark, near-black eyes.

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A huge hairy monster, a pickpocket, and promises of staff socials (Rousse)

‘There’s a huge hairy monster making a terrible racket in room C44!’ I screamed down the phone to security. What I didn’t tell them was that this was a monster of our own making. We’d created it using a graphics package on the PC in my office.

Soon afterwards, at the far end of the corridor, I met our new dean of school. She said that under her leadership there would be many staff socials. ‘You’ll be lucky to round everyone up at once’, I muttered under my breath as I stepped into the school office. There I picked up some instructions for leading a couple of sessions with staff later in term. I checked my calendar to see if I was free on the dates selected. By some miracle I was.

Later I sneaked out to the shops with the other research centre directors. The sales were on and there were bargains to be had. Unfortunately I was pickpocketed within a couple of minutes of walking into the main street.

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Nifty Land Rover reverse manoeuvres (Rousse)

KNX impressed me once again. He jumped up into the off-white Land Rover, popped it into reverse, and backed it neatly into a spot closer to the house, thus giving space for the other vehicles to move. He’d also been clever with his camera earlier in the day.

Meanwhile one of the others had regressed to toddlerhood. She was digging randomly in the allotment mud.

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Daniel Radcliffe goes blond (Rousse)

Daniel Radcliffe looked up as I approached him. I couldn’t be sure that he recognised me.

‘My, how you’ve grown up,’ I said, a little uncertain as to whether or not I approved of his new hairstyle. Peroxide blond was probably not his colour.

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Marking dispute easily solved (Rousse)

I eagerly awaited the return of my knowledge management essay. When I first saw it, I was pleased with my mark of 85% – but then I heard that another student was awarded 98%!

I told the temporary tutor that I’d changed my mind about her leading the class this term, and that I urgently needed to moderate all the marks for this particular assignment.

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