Social media scam targets patients (Rousse)

A tall, thin, grey-haired man approached me as I walked along the Old Edinburgh Road with TPR. When he addressed me as ‘Miss’ I knew that this was some kind of scam. He wanted to know about my last encounter with my GP.

This was a different tack from the well-known ‘You have been involved in a road traffic accident’ approach. I pointed out that I knew that he was trying to fool me into parting with my money, and warned that he himself was probably being set up by someone else. He agreed.

I then asked him how I had become a target for this particular campaign. The man opened up his laptop and demonstrated how a range of social media profiles had led him to me – including a number that I didn’t recognise at all.

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Hairy-legged daughter of schizophrenic dances in the tropics to hits from the 1980s (Rousse)

I managed to reach my father by phone from overseas. He chatted happily about his schizophrenia as if I had always known about his condition. In fact, this was all news to me.

Then I joined TPR at the bar for the last night of our holiday. A once-famous band from the 1980s played songs familiar to us from our student days. We were delighted when others led us to the dance floor (JB included).

The next day we had difficulties identifying facilities for printing out my boarding pass for our return journey. We were told that we would be assisted just as soon as a particular member of staff returned from some trip to the countryside.

In the meantime I compared my skin with a local. While our skin tones were completely different, we both had very hairy legs.

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Tight black underwear and the most unpopular woman north of Aberdeen (Rousse)

TPR and I bought an enormous country pile just north of Aberdeen. Granted it was right next to a massive housing scheme (thanks to my mother for pointing this out), but it would make a fantastic venue for our forthcoming 30th wedding anniversary party.

The old owners – a very learned but extremely talkative overweight nurse and her partner – and their friends struggled to understand that the house was now ours. I was sick of coming home and finding odd people in our bed, and others ‘just popping in’ to ask our servants for food and drink. Even other people’s laundered underwear would appear in our drawers. This explained why I felt so uncomfortable in my underwear one day. The size 6 black M&S knickers I’d put on that morning weren’t mine.

There was only one thing for it: to change the locks and risk becoming the most unpopular woman north of Aberdeen.

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Belle and the Bikers

I had unwillingly become part of the Hairy Biker Tourist Team.  We were enjoying looking at great works of art in a sunlit cathedral, but kept getting interrupted by footage of the Hairy Bikers wearing mankinis on the beaches of Brazil.

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Talking donkeys (Rousse)

I had a quick conversation with some donkeys in a field about my forthcoming presentation (as yet unprepared).

Meanwhile TPR was in trouble because (a) it had rained so heavily that water had come through the ceiling of our flat and was now knee deep in our yard, and (b) since we came back from holiday he had been ignoring me in favour of his niece.

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Bathing with a blue bath bomb (Rousse)

EH recommended the spa bath. I didn’t understand its attraction until I added the blue bath bomb to the water.

I was annoyed, however, to discover that I was under observation while I was meant to be relaxing.

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PhD students excel at motor cross conference (Rousse)

My PhD students were at a conference that combined academic studies with motor cross. They had made friends with some of the practitioners with whom I’d had a lot of contact in the past, and taken to the racing track with enthusiasm.

IB called me over just as FR was about to take the wheel.

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Belle’s secret husband (Rousse)

Nobody had ever told me that Belle was once married to my friend NS.

It had only been for a very short time, but from the video of the pair of them dancing at their wedding they both looked very much in love. Whatever happened?

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In the office with Barack Obama and Boris Johnson (Belle)

This new job certainly had its contrasts.  Yes, I was sharing the office with a branch of Marks and Spencer Simply Food that specialised in apricot Danish pastries – hooray.  Yes, Barack Obama had a desk on the other side of the room.  But how could I not be brought down by the fact that Boris Johnson was also sharing my office?   He spent most of his days loudly proclaiming how common I was to anyone who would listen.

One morning I was mistakenly accused of shoplifting my apricot Danish.  Naturally Boris Johnson, failed to step in – despite the fact that I had the receipt in my hand and the CCTV footage clearly showed me paying.  When Barack Obama stepped in to defend me, Johnson performed a ‘joke’ Nazi salute.  Later I received a small card that said “Well I like you, Belle”.  It was signed POTUS.  I debated whether I should post a photo of the card onto Facebook and my story about Boris to Twitter, but decided against both.

Later, while sitting outside in the courtyard, I witnessed a gang of thieves wearing silver New Romantic face-paint dump their shoes behind a bush.  This could be a clue!

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Intern adventures include Lord of the Rings team-building exercise on horseback #LOTR

I started my placement at an office that was just a five minute walk from my flat. I wasn’t the only intern: three pupils from Drummond High School had also been taken on by the firm. I found these children to be very lazy. One of the fathers transported them to and from work in a taxi.

MLX was also employed by the firm, apparently as a full-time consultant. She confided in me that she had given up her studies. I couldn’t be certain that she had informed ZCY of this bold move.

I found it quite difficult to work in the open plan office because it was so noisy. In addition, it seemed that most employees weren’t very interested in their work. Instead they preferred to sit about and eat biscuits.

On my first afternoon there was a team-building exercise on horseback. The activity was based on trekking scenes from Lord of the Rings. I made it known that I was not happy with this arrangement when there was so much work to do back at the office. Nevertheless, I still participated, and did particularly well in a mock fight with one of the others.

When the weekend came I resisted the temptation to slope off with the man that I fancied at my new workplace. Instead I stayed at home to watch GW deliver lectures in Swedish (with subtitles).

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