Things to do in Orkney (with Maltesers) (Rousse)

Posted on July 23, 2017 by Dreamaticus

The weather was fabulous in Orkney.

At the county show I bought the most enormous beef burger.

In Kirkwall we watched a parade of emergency services vehicles and ate free Maltesers in the art gallery.

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The shame of the husband who shames his wife in public (Rousse)

Posted on July 23, 2017 by Dreamaticus

TPR had fallen into the habit of shaming me in public. For example, he made lewd remarks about his choice of life-partner to our widowed bed and breakfast host. Then I caught him laying bets on the outcome of Wimbledon 2017 with my old colleague MM.

When I said to him ‘The headmistress will see you in the study’, he knew that he was in trouble.

I also vowed to take more interest in our joint finances when we returned home.

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Stop distracting me, Sir Ian McKellan! (Belle)

Posted on July 23, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Three weeks into my mathematics degree I still hadn’t made it to a single class.  Every time I tried to make my way to the classroom, I would be waylaid by Sir Ian McKellan and Michael York offering me small bottles of champagne to drink.  I loved hanging out with those guys! Other distractions included the public red phone box located in my bedroom. Although I was compensated for the inconvenience with a massively reduced rent, men were wandering into my room at all hours to use it as urinal.

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A chase through the British Library (Rousse)

Posted on July 22, 2017 by Dreamaticus

AM and I chased a man through the British Library demanding to know why he had done nothing to update the Library and Information Science Research Coalition web site since 2009.

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An undeserved PhD (Rousse)

Posted on July 21, 2017 by Dreamaticus

In a meeting chaired by ED I heard that JM had submitted his PhD thesis five months early, yet I had not seen a draft of the tome.

Another academic at the meeting, who had nothing to do with this work, said that it was rather pro-technical.

I concluded that it was bound to be referred – until someone else said that the viva had taken place and JM had passed with minor corrections.

ED and I shared a glance. What must have been the quality of the examination team?

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Middle-aged errant husband enjoys ‘space’ in the arms of a 21 year old student (Rousse)

Posted on July 21, 2017 by Dreamaticus

TPR announced that he needed some ‘space’ so he moved out of our marital home and into a shared flat in Bruntsfield with a bunch of undergrads and some young professionals (one of whom had just been offered a lectureship in Psychology at the University of Cambridge).

One year later, after a cycling holiday together, I begged TPR to come back home.

However, I made a nasty discovery. I withdrew my offer when he confessed that he had been sleeping with a 21 year-old student called Isabel Peters (and not Sonya as I feared). I was heartbroken – and also worried about STDs.

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Academic Abba lookalike (Rousse)

Posted on July 19, 2017 by Dreamaticus

My Finnish friend GW looked like she had just stepped off-stage having performed with Abba. I admired her yellow patent leather mini-skirt and high heels.

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Heavenly Chichester with Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode (Belle)

Posted on July 19, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I wasn’t sure how I had been invited to the ‘writing retreat’ home shared by Simon Mayo and Mark Kermode but I knew enough to remove my shoes before I stepped inside.

In one office, Simon was typing his latest novel.  The French windows were open and I was astonished by the beauty of the view – a tropical sunset and a Cornish cove.  Who knew Chichester was this beautiful?

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Katie Price to marry again (Rousse)

Posted on July 18, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Katie Price (AKA Jordan) was marrying for the fifth (or was it sixth?) time, and I was the guest of honour at her celebrations at the Bristol hotel – much to the annoyance of her tarty chief bridesmaid.

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Settlers of Catan in San Francisco (Rousse)

Posted on July 16, 2017 by Dreamaticus

As the coach pulled into San Francisco nobody could doubt that we were in free and easy California. From the window I saw pastel painted houses, rainbow flags, and hippies in the street.

I checked into the same hotel as TPR. However, I didn’t really want to be with him so I crossed the road to the Sheraton. Here I found some of my belongings scattered in an abandoned bedroom, and a bunch of my colleagues from HR in the bar.

My colleagues were excited that IBM was holding a corporate event nearby with a famous band as that evening’s entertainment.

‘That’s nothing’, I boasted, ‘TPR and I once saw the B-52s in Las Vegas’.

Then a message came through to me from the hotel reception. Could I pleased respond to a media request to give an interview on vaccination and herd immunity. I was happy to oblige, but first there was a game of Settlers of Catan to complete. I was doing well with eight orange cities and a new mega settlement on the board. Surely I would win, if only TPR and my nephew PMF would let me.

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