My new boyfriend was an almost humanised version of Stan Smith from American Dad. 

At his workplace I was presented with a gift and went onto the stage to make an impromptu speech. I said thank you and then said “Don’t you wish YOUR mistress was hot like me?”.  Stan came running up to me waving his arms.  “I told them you were my BANKER!”  Whoops.

My sister was cooking me a meatloaf while we were queuing at the Marks and Spencer tills.  She said, “I am so lucky to have been at the cutting edge of the swimsuit design industry for so many years.”