Fracas at conference dinner (Rousse)

Posted on November 6, 2017 by Dreamaticus

As I eavesdropped on the conference conversation at the top table I could sense PB’s increasing frustration at the ignorant pronouncements of the American.

‘What’s the main message of your keynote anyway?’ the American drawled.

‘There’s little point in trying to explaining it to you’ replied PB, ‘You wouldn’t understand’.

The American leapt out of his seat, marched over to PB at the other end of the dinner table, and struck him on the head.

I raced over to comfort PB, and announced in my loudest voice that I would  be reporting the assault to the police.

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Sharing a cabin with Dermot Murnaghan (Rousse)

Posted on November 5, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I sat next to television news presenter Dermot Murnaghan in the passenger cabin of the tiny plane.

Keen not to embarrass him by making it obvious that I recognised him, I engaged him in conversation about Scottish stereotypes (e.g. short, stocky, ginger men).

My travelling companion failed to hide his relief when the air steward came over to us and asked me to change seat.

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Decomposing body parts left to rot in domestic plumbing system (Rousse)

Posted on November 5, 2017 by Dreamaticus

The trickiest job of a murderer is disposing of the body and covering the tracks.

My innocent-looking accomplice told me that she had flushed the dismembered body parts through the domestic plumbing system from the bathroom basin. She’d done a good job: there was nothing to be seen in the room.

However, our flat was located high up in the building and we worried that the body would get stuck in the system. Only time would tell.

In the meantime we needed to deep clean every room to remove all possible forensic evidence that could attach us to the crime.

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Ski-ing in the Philippines (Rousse)

Posted on November 4, 2017 by Dreamaticus

NP marshalled everyone to spend over £1000 each on a ski-ing holiday – in the Philippines.

I travelled out with TPR but soon lost him in the transfer between the airport and city centre hotel. He had all the details of our accommodation so I was at a loss to know where to find him again.

Eventually I discovered from staff on a service desk that we were in room 475, and that my route there would be by a shaking metal lift and bus. I wondered whether the very tall man (easily over eight feet in height) next to me in the queue would be heading into town too. (Another woman in the queue said that she could easily fit inside this man whole. I corrected her and said that there was room for both of us.)

I found myself surrounded by friends on the bus ride into town. My former student MJ, sitting next to FK, spoke in Malay to the driver (who was in tears for most of the journey). Some school friends were there too (including JC).

However, the party mainly comprised TPR’s former work colleagues. They were under the impression that this trip was an incentive holiday. I was hoping that this was not the case, not least because the bus ride was so long and I was concerned that we risked repeating our experience of a visit to Rome two decades earlier, not so fondly remembered as ‘view from a coach’.

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Disco dancing in only one shoe (Rousse)

Posted on November 3, 2017 by Dreamaticus

A huge mix of people came to the end of term disco. Many were my current work colleagues (e.g. KT and AD), and amongst them were friends from undergraduate days (e.g. JG, GW).

I found the whole set-up rather uncomfortable. I was especially bothered by the bar tender who gave you more in change than you had paid for your drink, the lack of organisation for the advertised pub quiz, and the state of the equipment at the venue.

My brother-in-law RH refused to dance with me so I grabbed someone who had already agreed to accompany me to the Manor Ball. I argued that we needed the practice. I managed the steps quite well considering that I was only wearing one shoe, having lost my other one in the snow.

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Mistaken for a Harvard academic (Rousse)

Posted on November 3, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I trundled across the playing field of the University of Edinburgh by shopping trolley and suitcase on wheels. It was difficult to balance myself when lying prone on my two vehicles, but manageable so long as there was a slope.

At one point two young women blocked my way. When I asked them to move they looked directly at me. Even though her eyes were obscured by sunglasses, I could tell that one of them recognised me. She piped up ‘I know that you’re really busy having just returned from Harvard, and that you are going back soon, but could I possibly arrange to meet you next week?’

I expressed my regret that this was not possible, without bothering to correct her misassumptions. I had absolutely nothing to do with Harvard and she was obviously mixing me up with someone else.

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A drifting sea horse (Rousse)

Posted on October 30, 2017 by Dreamaticus

The horse stood patiently on the red deck that was tethered to the end of the pier. Meanwhile, the horse’s owner struck up a conversation with us.

Then came a gust of wind and the deck’s mooring broke loose. Within a couple of seconds the horse was sailing out to the open sea with the tether trailing in the water behind him.

The owner first looked on in horror. He then recruited me, TPR and our nephew PMcC to haul the ropes, and the poor creature, back to base.

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Doing the dirty work for HR (Rousse)

Posted on October 29, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I was the toast of our HR department. WT congratulated me on having persuaded a hopeless colleague to give up a role for which he was clearly unsuited.

It now looked like I was going to be asked to complete another couple of challenges. However, I was slightly nervous when I noticed the name of a former flatmates (SB) in the hand-written notes carried by one of WT’s colleagues.

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A gossipping wheelchair user (Rousse)

Posted on October 29, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Now going by the name ‘Mandy’, LM drew me aside me to discuss an exam paper. We were just about to consider the questions when my school friend AR (was AH) approached us. She was clearly primed for a good gossip.

This was not the time and place for such a conversation, so I should have shooed AR away. However, she was in a wheelchair, and curiosity got the better of me.

The response to my question about AR’s mobility was disappointing. She had no idea why she was now a wheelchair user.

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Novel marketing ploy from Nandos (Rousse)

Posted on October 29, 2017 by Dreamaticus

When I returned to my cabin mid-morning I found two members of staff still there, tidying up the bedroom and cleaning the bathroom. They hurried away, indicating in broken English that they would come back later. It was only when they had left that I noticed the delivery on the chest of drawers.

Nandos had sent me a whole, hot, cooked chicken and several packets of nachos. Was this an attempt at encouraging me to eat in this restaurant (which I had never visited before)? I also faced a practical problem: I was due to catch a train to Newcastle in the next half hour. Should I eat the chicken before I set off, or carry it with me down the East Coast line?

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