A pop art philanderer (Rousse)

Posted on February 18, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I had arranged to meet SC for a drink after work at 6:30pm, and it was already 6:35pm. I really couldn’t afford to be any later for our appointment so I abandoned the mess on my desk and headed out the door.

SC herself was late. We actually found one another outside Tesco at Holy Corner rather than in the bar. She was accompanied by TPR, who looked fabulous. Under a smart black coat he was wearing dark formal trousers and an amazing shirt that was decorated with a rows of multi-coloured pop art versions of the 1951 photograph of Einstein sticking out his tongue. SC herself looked pretty good too, in a long, flowing, burgundy dress.

I later discovered that SC had paid for TPR’s new look. This prompted me to wonder whether he had been up to his old tricks again. It was not long before he confessed to yet another marital infidelity.

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Fat woman in White Stuff tunic dress is reckless on the roads (Rousse)

Posted on February 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

When they heard our news, my elderly parents drove all the way (all on their own) to visit us at our new house in East Lothian.  They stopped off at White Stuff in Edinburgh city centre on the way. There they bought me a beautiful new season tunic dress. I loved the cream material decorated with tiny line drawings of raspberry red flowers.

I hoped that the parents would manage the narrow staircase in our house. Each time I climbed it I worried that I was too fat to safely make it round the turn. One day I would get stuck and that would be the end of me!

My driving skills, however, posed an even greater danger. I’d bought back our old car (much to TPR’s annoyance) and forgotten the basics of how to handle any vehicle, let alone one that was a write-off off six months ago. Nobody on the roads was safe when I took to my new (old) wheels.

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Free panda performance at Edinburgh zoo (Rousse)

Posted on February 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

From the sitting room window of our  flat we could see the animal performance area at Edinburgh zoo next door.

I was excited to watch workmen pasting up a huge panda banner to the right of the main stage. We would have so much fun watching the new panda show, all free of charge from the comfort of our own home.

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Settlers of Catan for all ages (Rousse)

Posted on February 15, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I wondered whether it would be too great a challenge to teach the rules of Settlers of Catan to an eight year-old and her six-year old sister.

Then I remembered that these were the grandchildren of BC. They would soon work everything out (and start beating the rest of us).

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Back to the old house for BBC Radio 4’s Any Questions? (Rousse)

Posted on February 15, 2018 by Dreamaticus

The venue for this week’s BBC Radio 4 Any questions was Stockton-on-Tees or – more precisely – the childhood bedroom that I shared with my sisters at the White House, Hartburn.

The room had been cleared of bedroom furniture to make space for armchairs and provide seating for the audience. In the event, only a couple of people turned up so I had my choice of seat. I selected a small chair upholstered in red velvet and waited for the broadcast to begin.

I positioned my seat in the location of my childhood bed from where I looked around the room. Most impressive was the new marble fireplace. However, it didn’t match the shabby cream vinyl wallpaper, which was already old when my sisters and I slept and played in here. It must have been up for over half a century.

Then a man started talking to me, reminiscing about the old days. He gave the impression that he used to know my mother very well. He found it hard to reconcile the glamorous 1970s dolly bird with the little old lady that he had spotted from a distance earlier that day.

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A pee-pee peeper (Belle)

Posted on February 13, 2018 by Dreamaticus

As I was using the bathroom at Macy’s in New York, the person in the next cubicle slid their head under the partition to look at me.  I stamped on the person’s hand – hard.

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Dealing with workplace bullies (Rousse)

Posted on February 13, 2018 by Dreamaticus

When I congratulated Captain C on his thirty years of service at the University, he introduced me to his brother Martin. Although I had known Captain C for decades, until this point I had no idea of the existence of this older sibling.

‘He’s here to sort out the bullying’, Captain C explained. I sympathised, keenly aware that Captain C would be an easy office target.

‘That’s terrible’, contributed KB from across the table. I looked up and glared at her. What a cheek! She’d witnessed my suffering for years, but never once intervened to support me.

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Sisters, a husband, and parents on holiday (Rousse)

Posted on February 13, 2018 by Dreamaticus

It seemed inappropriate that two little blonde sisters aged six and eight wearing white shift dresses would be showing tourists around a World War I theme park.

It was also rather odd that TPR was not staying in the plush hotel with me for the duration of our wet holiday. He’d set up  camp in a small Polish boarding house in town (although on the day that I travelled by tummy skateboard to visit him there, they told me that he was in the pub).

Perhaps I’d be better off with my parents, in the car, driving south through the US, expressing our astonishment at the plate glass modernity of all the cities that we passed, and dreading the long journey back north again.

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Advances in book design (Rousse)

Posted on February 12, 2018 by Dreamaticus

BEX showed me the beautiful line drawings of a crowd that would be used for the cover of his new book. He was delighted when I said him that I loved the design, and took great pleasure in telling me that it was the work of his wife.

‘Well, it’s a vast improvement on her last attempt at art work’, I muttered under my breath.

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A new campus romance (Rousse)

Posted on February 11, 2018 by Dreamaticus

CQX was anxious to start the presentations, but I was still struggling to prevent the huge water cooler bottles from toppling over at the top of the staged auditorium. Eventually I took my seat and the event was underway.

In the breakout session CQX and I were meant to address the requirements of a set exercise. Instead we found a shaded spot under a deckchair on the terrace where I complained about the difficulties of conducting qualitative research with human subjects. ‘Programming and modelling is so much easier!’ I declared. My companion seemed less interested in the conversation and more interested in me.

Meanwhile I had an inkling that we were being observed. There were faces at the window of the main house.  By the time we returned to work there would be rumours of a new romantic relationship all over campus.

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