Canal dipping off the cycle path (Rousse)

Posted on August 19, 2018 by Dreamaticus

TPR and I were enjoying ourselves on the cycle path when my little sister interrupted our fun – again. She did not understand that her behaviour was inappropriate. TPR suggested that I should make it clear to her that I was famous, and perhaps she would then realise that I needed to be left in peace.

We ran away from her towards the canal, hoping to cross it by bridge. However, the only way to reach the other side was to swim. We both leapt in, thrashed our way through the brackish water, and emerged at the other side where (handily) there was a public swimming pool that offered showers to canal dippers.

There we also spotted CMcL, chewing on a cigar.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The lost and a linguist in Toronto (Rousse)

Posted on August 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

TPR and my cousin N both left the shopping mall before I had a chance to put my change into my purse and gather my bags. When I eventually followed them out into the Toronto streets I could no longer see them. The plan was that we were heading home, but was the mode of transport by bus or on foot?

I started walking towards the apartment, then changed my mind. It was more likely that they would have decided to take the bus, so I turned around and headed for the bus stop instead. There I found N, but TPR was missing because he had disappeared to hunt for me. As usual, he did not have his mobile phone on him, so we had no way of letting him know that I was safe.

At the bus stop I also found SPL and JD (with whom I worked in the late 1980s). SPL had been brought in by a bunch of holiday-makers to translate a supposedly impenetrable Spanish seafood menu into English. This was a piece of cake for my recently qualified linguist friend.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A PhD plagiarist (Rousse)

Posted on August 14, 2018 by Dreamaticus

My suspicions were raised when I spotted the phrase ‘this doctoral study’ in LC’s honours project submission. It did not take long to confirm that ‘her’ dissertation was, in fact, a patchwork of text stitched together from sections of an illegally downloaded PhD thesis.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Red hat disease rife at academic conference (Rousse)

Posted on August 10, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Over the course of the three-day conference I had been allocated three different bedrooms. This was so confusing that I couldn’t remember where I had left my yellow cycling helmet.

The situation was more complex now that graduate SG dropped his room key into my bag and mouthed the number 614.

‘When?’ I asked under my breath.

‘4pm’, he whispered in reply.

It was highly likely that other delegates had witnessed our close proximity over the past couple of days. This afternoon, for example, I had been leaning against him at the back of the hall rather than sitting in a seat. Anyone who caught the key drop would have a clear idea of our intentions.

However, I was not worried about accusations of marital infidelity. It was the risk of contracting Red Hat Disease from SG that really scared me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Glasgow kiss (Rousse)

Posted on August 9, 2018 by Dreamaticus

On the outskirts of Glasgow, in a field, en route to a football match, my companion wrapped me in a passionate embrace and pulled me to the ground. We rolled around in the grass for several minutes. It was only on hearing a familiar voice call out my name that I came to my senses and realised the error of my ways.

The man disgusted with my outrageous behaviour was TPR’s former colleague DJ. I chased after him in a hope that I could convince him that he had witnessed nothing but a friendly snog.

Of all the useless made-up explanations and excuses that I offered to account for my apparent dalliance only one seemed to persuade DJ that I was not cheating on my husband: I told him that my companion was gay.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Croissant quality control (Belle)

Posted on August 7, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I was unhappy with the quality of croissants in general. I had taken to marching into every cafe on Holborn Viaduct to tell the proprietors that their croissants were “too doughy”.   I didn’t even need to taste them to know this was the case.

Later I feel asleep on the Piccadilly line and ended up in a place in Zone 5 called Horton.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

1980s fashion fail (Rousse)

Posted on August 7, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I travelled back in time to Queen Margaret College Edinburgh in the late 1980s. Here I found pasted to the walls of reception dozens of amateur black and white posters inviting students to join the Christian Union.

Then I spotted TM in a hairy bottle green jumper. It was covered in tiny badges that advertised hundreds of unknown bands. This was not a good look, even for the era in question.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Cousin colouring comparison check (Rousse)

Posted on August 2, 2018 by Dreamaticus

GT  stuck his ginger head through the kitchen window of the log cabin in rural Canada.

‘Who the hell are you, and what are you doing here?!’ he demanded to know.

He had no idea that the ‘English squatters’ now resident in his parents’ holiday home were his cousins – at least not until I revealed myself and offered him the opportunity to conduct an identity check by comparing his colouring with mine.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Don Draper, a dog and a dinosaur (Belle)

Posted on July 31, 2018 by Dreamaticus

John Hamm and I were holding hands and looking for lunch under the railway arches. A massively muscular dog came wandering towards us. “That dog looks like a stegosaurus”, I said and John Hamm laughed as if this was the best thing any human had ever said.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bacon roll threesome plot a murder (Rousse)

Posted on July 31, 2018 by Dreamaticus

QDX, CSX, GSX and I were so pally that we had taken to meeting for a bacon roll in Crombies each morning, then returning to bed together for a cosy lie-in.

We also plotted a murder. Careful to protect ourselves, we persuaded Harry to do the deed itself. The execution would take place in the white bathroom, then Harry would dispose of the body and all other evidence.

However, I was now having cold feet. Everyone would suspect our tight-knit threesome, and forensic science would easily get the better of us if anyone thought to sift through the contents of the lavatory bowl.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment