My preparations for the World War II commemoration competition was going well. I had already produced a two page A4 document using a selection of inks in a rainbow of colours and my beautiful handwriting, I was confident that I had a good chance of a win.

To make this more of a certainty, I needed to accessorise the envelope for my entry. Where could I buy patriotic stickers or commemorative stamps?

When I entered the post office, I interrupted the two postmistresses mid-conversation in their native language. They were happy to sell me some stamps, but when it came to pay  I realised that I had no cash on me.

‘Not to worry’ said the older of the two middle-aged grey-haired lesbian Swedes. ‘I’ll just make a record that you will come back later with payment’.

To do so, she whipped out a wooden spoon, a jar of orangey syrup, and a fine brush. Then she painted an image of my face on the broad part of the spoon, complete with long sticky strands of syrup down the edges to depict my long hair. I promised to return as soon as I had found my purse.