Facebook time-waster ruins picnic (Rousse)

We took a break from packing up all our belongings for the big house move to join S and K for a Sunday picnic. With the children away on some kind of outdoor adventure weekend, this was the first time in ages that just the four of us met.

The afternoon started with high-spirited horseplay as TPR chased S around the grounds, tugging on his denim shorts whenever he could catch him. The mood turned, however, when the men came back to the rug and sat down. S was not pleased to see that K was logged on to Facebook, chatting to her first year students. This Sunday afternoon was supposed to be dedicated to entertaining old friends, and not frittered away at the laptop on time-wasting trivia disguised as work.

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School reunions: beware the ex (Rousse)

It was difficult to establish my role at this reunion. For example, when KP and I disappeared to the ladies for an hour we felt terribly guilty, believing that we would be missed. However, when we emerged again afterwards, nobody seemed to have noticed our absence. In fact, very few people were interested in me at all. Just one of the teachers went through the motions of politely asking how I was keeping, and the single classmate who bothered to strike up a conversation with me only did so when she realised that I was one of the few there who would appreciate her job role at the University of Oxford.

Life wasn’t any easier with the men in my life. Now that TPR was out of the way, GB (a fellow Birmingham University graduate and ex-husband of my school friend JT) sped onto the scene like a budding actor desperate for the vacant part. Following an audition in the tiny terraced house that I shared with four other girls, he left to travel south in his car and I headed for the Hoppings on Newcastle Town Moor. Within minutes, however, GB had turned round and driven back again with the news that he couldn’t live without me.

This was all getting far too complicated, so I set off to seek the advice of JM. I found him dressed in a pale green cashmere jumper watching a film in an open-air auditorium. I approached him from behind and called “Guess who?” over his shoulder. He was delighted to see me, as was everyone else. Nobody cared that I had interrupted the performance. On the contrary, all welcomed my arrival. It must have been a terribly dull film.

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A lack of stemware, a missing husband, and a woman obsessed with Wham! (Rousse)

I was so proud that I was able to host the conference at my parents’ house, especially when the delegates demonstrated their appreciation of the venue by taking photos of the grand rooms and the huge ornate staircase. However, the choice of location was not without its challenges, the first of which was dealing with a shortage of sherry glasses for serving drinks before dinner.

Another problem was the disappearance of TPR. He got left behind when we set off for an optional excursion to a world where digital music had not yet been invented. The analogue recording devices exhibited here stirred much interest amongst the men. All that JG wanted to do, for example, was display and boast about his reel-to-reel tape recorder.

Later I discovered TPR again, enjoying himself miles away in a massive water park. Amongst the extensive slide systems was his favourite hiding place: a huge pool fed by water from an artificial wave machine. I would fetch him home again just as soon as I could rid myself of the woman who kept asking me how I rated the musical repertoire of Wham!

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Dealing with dogfish mess (Rousse)

“Quick, look at this!” I called, pointing to the seals playing in the bay just outside our bedroom window. Then I also spotted the enormous dogfish in the water, all long, black and slimy. When the huge wave then crashed against the house, several were churned up on our green bedroom carpet. How would I ever clear up the mess?

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Cowboy computer salesmen fail the assignment (Rousse)

I volunteered to assess some third year presentations. The students’ assignment was to sell me a computer system. These lads – all mature students well into their forties – exhibited some sense of humour, turning up to perform their pitch in cowboy costumes. They started well, but lost the plot when I asked what kind of discount I might expect on any purchase. It was obvious that they had not considered that haggling over price was a crucial part of the repertoire of any computer sales professional.

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Where to place your white goods (Rousse)

At the time I thought it entirely sensible to site the new freezer in the spare bedroom. Later I was forced to admit that I was wrong.

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Where modern architecture and knowledge management meet (Rousse)

I thought it was an act of genius to challenge the final year students to write an essay that tied Corble’s take on modern architecture with the practice of knowledge management. However, when I discovered the whole class fighting over the library’s one and only copy of Corble’s biography, I realised my mistake. It I didn’t intervene quickly, I would soon be marking 25 scripts on the planning, design and construction of buildings, none of which would feature a single mention of knowledge management.

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The book (section) thief (Rousse)

I’d run into the students on the bus, and it was then that they invited me to meet them later on the beach. From there we could travel together to their graduation dinner. I hadn’t confirmed this arrangement, so it was with some relief that I spotted them walking up the shore from my vantage point on the sand dunes.

I joined the only two girls in the group as we headed towards Hanover Street. They were not happy with the choice of restaurant. They moaned that Tex-Mex was downmarket and too laddish. These complaints were mild, however, in comparison to their accusation about a fellow student. Martin was a book thief!

The girls explained that on an earlier trip to a library in Warwick Martin had added to his growing collection of stolen rare book sections. Here he cut several pages out of a unique manuscript in the hand of William Shakespeare and pocketed them before innocently returning the book to the shelf. Two thoughts ran through my mind: (1) this library really needed to improve its security measures; (2) Martin should never expect a job reference from me.

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Seaside Special shambles (Belle)

My new boyfriend was appearing on the stage at a Seaside Special. His stand-up act was the least funny thing I had ever seen and I was glad I hadn’t told anyone I knew him. The auditorium was full of ‘celebs’ who spent most of the time chatting to each other and acting up for the cameras. What a shambles.

Meanwhile, the middle aged couple I was travelling with were delighted with the mystery tour. The show might not have been up to much but the wife told me that every time they travelled by bus her husband liked them to travel on the top deck where they could snog. They had been doing this for 30 years.

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David Bowie’s alter ego commutes with child (Belle)

I sat on the tube train and began to shuffle the 7″ singles on my lap. They all looked pristine and I was delighted that they had clear plastic sleeves to keep them that way. Sitting next to me was a young child who stared open mouthed at the cover of David Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes. “I suppose he has no idea what these even are”, I said to child’s father sitting on the other side of the boy. Only when I looked up did I realise his father was dressed exactly like the ‘clown’ on the front of the record sleeve.

Later, fighter jets flew overhead and made the oil rig platform wobble.

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