Parking in Newcastle and the mean streets of Jesmond (Rousse)

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Dreamaticus

There was no way that I would pay £45 to leave my car for a single day in a Newcastle multi-storey car park.

Instead, we took our chances and hunted for a free space on the mean streets of Jesmond.

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Christian falls in love with atheist (Rousse)

Posted on February 14, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I stood at the back of the church, aghast that the worshippers fell for all this nonsense. When they started the ritual of removing the notices from the boards on the right hand wall, I helpfully stood up and made a start on the boards on the left.

The church elders panicked, ran over, grabbed me by the shoulders, and hauled me out of the building. One of them volunteered to march me out of town.

On the way, my captor explained that he too was a graduate of the University of Birmingham. As proof, he proudly recited the title of the dissertation that he wrote for his undergraduate degree in biomedical sciences. I exhibited an extensive knowledge of microbiology in my response.

From the look on his face I could tell that he was (a) surprised and (b) falling in love.

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Sexy black lacy basque spices up annual sex date (Rousse)

Posted on February 14, 2024 by Dreamaticus

ECM proudly showed off her sexy black lacy basque. She had saved it for 12 months to parade in front of PW at their next ‘annual bedroom appointment’.

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A gatecrasher ghost (Rousse)

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

My mother was enjoying her party so much that she took out her Northumbrian pipes and played a few tunes with her old friends.

I was therefore furious when my father’s sepia ghost put in an appearance. I pushed him in the direction of the kitchen with the instruction to keep out of the way. He could chat with his son-in-law if he wanted, but he was forbidden to go anywhere near his widow.

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Beats, betrayals and a bizarre beast (Belle)

Posted on February 8, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I had a long commute to the rave – a flight followed by a coach. When I arrived the venue was full of former friends and acquaintances. One of them (‘C’) had stolen my live in boyfriend many years ago, and, remembering I owed a mutual friend of ours £20, I asked her to pass it on. She immediately began denying that I had given her the money and made quite a scene. I was torn – should I just kill her now, or rise above her pettish behaviour? Later, I apparently played a DJ set although I couldn’t remember doing so. I saw it on TikTok.

Later, on the return coach journey I saw a pony-dog hybrid walking to a summer fair.

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Kung fu in the newsroom (Belle)

Posted on February 6, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was looking at an intriguing double-page photograph in a broadsheet newspaper. Dating from the 1970s, it featured a tableau of an ‘American news desk editorial meeting’.

In the background a punch was being thrown and was landing on a chin, a secretary was throwing paper into the air, someone else was ‘kung fu fighting’, phones were being answered while cups of coffee were dropped onto the carpet. The clothes were amazing and the hair was big.

At the centre of the picture, two glamourous women were seemingly engaged in a normal conversation, apparently immune to the chaos around them. I couldn’t understand this image. Was it a true photograph from the 1970s, a clever work of art, or had it been created by Netflix to advertise a documentary?

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Frenchie the bulldog is a rebel (Belle)

Posted on February 6, 2024 by Dreamaticus

It was the middle of summer and I was walking a French bulldog whose history was unknown to me. We were walking with a pack of humans and dogs and Frenchie was angry about everything. I thought I heard him mutter “Losers” as he wandered off ahead. When I couldn’t find him I had to involve ‘park administrators’ to assist in the search.

When I arrived home he was sitting at the kitchen table, wearing glasses and reading a magazine.

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Business information sources book recommendation (Rousse)

Posted on February 6, 2024 by Dreamaticus

The trade stand was piled high with all the goods that I remembered from conference exhibitions of the past. There were branded Moleskine notebooks, pencils, rubbers, pencil sharpeners, and desk toys, as well as the usual promotional literature to describe the company’s product range and pricing.

A company rep stood behind the table. However, she was obviously not in the mood to engage with customers, especially those who were puzzled by a display that appeared to have flown in from the 1990s. When a potential client asked about the business that she represented, she pointed at me and instructed ‘Ask her. She’s the one who wrote a book about business information sources’.

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Jonathan Ross lover boy (Rousse)

Posted on February 5, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Jonathan Ross was a surprise celebrity guest at RC-I’s London flat, where I was staying for a couple of nights. How bizarre to find myself standing next to the star at the bathroom sink, cleaning our teeth together, dressed in just our underwear!

Even stranger was Ross’ determination to follow me all the way back home. We travelled north by train with RJH, his entire body wrapped up in bandages mummy-style following serious weight-loss surgery.

On arrival in Edinburgh, we headed straight up Calton Hill. Looking over the roof tops of the New Town and out to the Firth of Forth, Ross declared his undying love for me.

‘What on earth is TPR going make of all this?’ I asked myself.

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Trapped in the underground (Rousse)

Posted on February 2, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was up to my usual tricks of travelling across town along secret underground passages in a wheeled crate.

However, one day I noticed that a lock had been added to the door at one of the main entry points to the passage. I couldn’t ever take another by crate trip now that there was a risk of being locked underground with no means of escape.

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