Applause at the pool (Rousse)

Posted on January 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

When the aquafit class was held up yet again by the squeals of the short, fat, ginger woman, I could stand it no more. I climbed straight out of the pool. Then, dripping wet, I announced that I was speaking on behalf of everyone in the class who had caring duties.

I explained that our limited ‘leisure’ time at the pool was very precious. We wanted to spend it exercising, not listening to her whinging.

For this short speech, I won a round of applause.

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Academic promotion criteria (Rousse)

Posted on January 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

My excitement at seeing DM again was wiped off my face when she told me that she hadn’t appreciated my contributions to online conversations about academic promotion criteria.

Whatever was I thinking, ransacking a dialogue that was obviously none of my business?

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Fragile fingernails – and fame (Belle)

Posted on January 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I turned to a stranger on the bus and jokingly said “every time I simply look at my fingers, another nail breaks off”.

What followed was a whirlwind. Within a week, my fingernails were the front page story of the British tabloids and I was interviewed on a BBC TV consumer affairs programme by Esther Rantzen.

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A Thai girl trandem threesome (Rousse)

Posted on January 9, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I had lost all interest in graduation by the time we reached the fifth day of the proceedings, so I retreated to my office to get on with some (real) work. However, when I spotted my Thai student outside struggling to walk in her national costume of tight white satin robe and enormous lemon yellow silk conical headdress, I saw the opportunity for a great photograph.

I ran downstairs and across the street to the graduation hall. There in the foyer, several people were helping the student to steady the ludicrous six feet high hat on the student’s head. I hoped to snap a photo and leave, but felt obliged to stay until the student managed to enter the hall to be awarded her degree. While waiting, I suggested a bike ride on our three-person tandem (trandem) and a picnic to celebrate her success.

The next day the Thai student looked horrified when TPR and I turned up at her flat with the trandem and a rucksack of goodies for lunch. She had, however, obviously prepared for a day out and was already dressed in her T shirt and shorts.

We had only ridden a short way up a hill when I asked to stop to change into lighter clothes. In the time that it took for us all to dismount and for me to put on a pair of shorts, the Thai student had grabbed the bike and sped back downhill again to her flat. When we reached her on foot, we found two of her friends comforting her.

This threesome had expected a loan of our bike – with picnic provided free of charge – for a day out together on their own. They believed that we had just attempted to kidnap the Thai student for the day. Added to this, they accused me of being personally responsible for the current conflict in Gaza.

We magnanimously handed over the trandem and gave up the picnic – although I did ‘steal’ a couple of chocolate truffles before we left the Thai student and her two friends for their day of threesome fun.

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A play, a pie, a pint, and passion (Rousse)

Posted on January 7, 2024 by Dreamaticus

A play, a pie, and a pint was so heavily advertised that all Edinburgh seemed to have gathered at the Festival Theatre for the first performance of the season. I feared that TPR and I would lose one another in the huge crowd.

I was right to be concerned. I was ages in the ladies – partly due to the length of the queue, partly due to a battle with the shower attachment in the disabled cubicle. The audience numbers had grown so large in this time that I couldn’t see TPR at our agreed meeting spot afterwards. It was impossible to use our mobile phones to locate one another because there was no signal in the building.

I didn’t feel like battling the hordes to find my seat in the auditorium, so instead I headed home. Along the way I met TF. He too had lost his partner LF in the crush. We were so delighted to have found a friend (if not our partners) that we shared our relief in the most passionate of embraces.

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Black and white bearded ballerina (Rousse)

Posted on January 6, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was astonished at the beauty of the framed black and white photograph. It depicted a bearded ballerina in the foetal position, arms wrapped around his knees, his long feet shod in ribboned pointes.

KD (recently deceased) had put a lot of thought into this highly appropriate present for BR.

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Pussy willow berry style (Rousse)

Posted on January 4, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I made a radical change to my hairstyle by chopping off all my locks and replacing them with a single homemade top-knot to hang over my forehead. My creation comprised fluffy grey pussy willow, dried blueberries painted red, and some unidentifiable white berries.

My new look was admired by all, especially ET-S.

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Homeless photographer takes a trip to Japan (Rousse)

Posted on January 4, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I packed away the white bed sheet that I slept in each night at the doorway of the Bethany shop on Leith Walk, Edinburgh. Then I set off to join the family reunion in Japan.

As a reunion venue, a train in transit was rather impractical. It was difficult for family members to locate one another and hold meaningful conversations across a string of moving carriages, and there was absolute chaos whenever we entered a railway station to change service.

The good news, however, was that at one stop I managed to take some beautiful photographs of the Japanese landscape and industrial architecture. I climbed to the top of a sand and shell midden heap for the best views.

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A swim, a drink, and passion in the public library (Rousse)

Posted on December 29, 2023 by Dreamaticus

Even in the pool of a luxury hotel, £30 for expensive for a swim. However, this was a rare opportunity to spend precious time with NP, so I grabbed it. The charge included use of a romantic bedroom and access to the beach, so you could argue that overall it represented value for money.

By lunchtime NP was gone, replaced by LM. Between us, we downed a bottle of white wine with a light salad for our lunch.

I had intended to return straight home immediately after the meal, but just as I was about to climb into my car it occurred to me that I was over the legal alcohol limit for driving. I rang TPR to say that I would stay in the hotel room for the rest of the afternoon. I had plenty of work to keep me busy on my laptop. Once the drink was out of my system, I would set off home again.

It was difficult to relay this message to TPR because he was in a state of distress having just received a voicemail from PC. In this, PC sounded both drugged and suicidal. I offered to investigate.

First I telephoned Falkirk Public library, a favoured location of PC’s when ‘working at home’. The member of library staff who answered my call was so familiar with PC that I wondered if she was having an affair with him.

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