Apples, camping gear, and a cardigan (Rousse)

JC and I volunteered to help set up the pitch at the outdoor festival. First of all we had to collect the stock for the stall. The young woman in charge drove our Land Rover to the depot. There we loaded the first batch that we found into the trailer and set off for the venue.

It was pouring down by the time that we turned into the field. I realised that I was unsuitably dressed for a cold, wet afternoon in the open. All I had on under my blue Berghaus anorak was a thin white T shirt. Still, we had made a commitment to the organisers, so we parked next to a huge Bank of Scotland blow-up display and started unloading.

Our client at the site had expected a delivery of apples, so she was rather surprised to see that we were unpacking camping equipment. This was not “batch 18” as specified in her order. She demanded that we return to the depot. This was good news: as well as collecting the required goods, on the way back I’d also be able to pick up a cardigan.

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Husband regrets land speed record attempt (Rousse)

I was still alive. Yes, I was definitely alive – but what was all that wailing?

TPR was beside himself with grief. I struggled to force out the words “It’s OK, I’m still here” while trying to make sense of TPR’s sobbed confession.

When nobody was looking he had used my body to test the maximum land speed record of a human being. Of course, with hindsight, he deeply regretted experimenting on his wife.

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Poirot’s invisible sidekick (Belle)

It was a warm weekend in Bournemouth and I was Hercule Poirot’s new sidekick. 

While he was an honoured guest for the ‘murder weekend’, I remained unsure of my own role.  Sometimes I was completely invisible and able to listen in on the ‘private’ conversations of the many guests/suspects.  This seemed like rather a dishonest plot device to me but my invisibility later proved invaluable when, as could be predicted, a real murder happened as the sun set on the beach.  

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Promises, promises (Rousse)

The High Street on the Royal Mile by Brendan MacNeill

The High Street on the Royal Mile by Brendan MacNeill

TPR was well ahead of us up the High Street so I reckoned that it was safe to grab X for another quick snog just as we came out of the arcade onto Cockburn Street. He seemed to appreciate it all the more when I promised that one day I would finish the job.

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Perfecting the poached egg – in a tin bath (Rousse)

While my family was sunbathing on the beach, I decided to cook a stack of poached eggs. I cracked the eggs into a tin bath of boiling water following a technique learnt from my Canadian friend WR. The cooking, however, turned out to be the easy part. Extracting them from the water with a slatted spoon proved extremely tricky. It was also hard to concentrate on the task with WR in close range droning on and on about the deficiencies of his wife and three children.

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A patchwork quilt, property in Perthshire, and a stay at the Palace (Rousse)

My parents were selling up and disposing of their possessions, as was the University of Birmingham. If I wanted to save anything, now was the time to act. I wanted nothing from the White House, but was keen to retrieve my patchwork quilt from Manor. Although it had been used as a stair carpet for the past thirty years, it was actually in reasonably good condition, and the staff questioned why I should be taking it. As I tore out the carpet tacks I replied that I had photographic evidence that this work of art was mine.

Next we had to come to terms with our new living arrangements. My parents gave us the cottage in rural Perthshire and the house in Pitlochry, but neither was habitable. In the long-term TPR would supervise their restoration and we would rent them out to holiday-makers. Meantime we took residence again with the royal family. We knew the score here. You were to keep a low profile, be careful how you use the palace stationery, and never touch the Queen’s false teeth.

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Home extension adds to work worries (Rousse)

We had just moved into the restored blackhouse located to the rear of the garden at the back of our flat. My first task was to chase the swarm of five bees around the sitting room and kitchen and out the back door. There I stumbled on to the patio and a vast area of scrub land. I had no idea that we had purchased an estate along with the building. There was another blackhouse (ruined), a barn, and a mixed herd of the tiniest miniature Shetland ponies and sheep. TPR would have his work cut out looking after all this.

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Tenement opera at the Leith Festival (Rousse)

After the snows melted we gathered with the other commune members to follow the crowd to East Claremont Street. From the windows of two different third floor flats a man and a woman sang a series of opera duets. We couldn’t understand what this was all about until a big banner unfurled from the tenement. It proclaimed that the performance was part of the Leith Festival.

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Fraudulent applications to the Pizza Sixth Form (Rousse)

Pizza by Brendan MacNeill

Pizza by Brendan MacNeill

TPR and I turned up at school for our first day as A level pupils. We’d be in the same year as my niece AF, her brother PF and his new wife. The teacher took one look at us and asked how old we were. “Eighteen”, I lied. I was prepared to do anything to join the Pizza Sixth Form.

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Stars of the VisitScotland web site (Rousse)

Casually browsing the Internet, I came across photos of me and TPR in our wet suits, swimming in the Bruton Stream on Uig Sands. We were the new stars of the VisitScotland web site.

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