A perfect Hobbit home (Rousse)

So much for AG living in India! We found him happily ensconced in a Hobbit-home constructed of bare stone held up by wooden beams. It was beautiful, but there was only room for one person here. Where would SG stay when she came to visit her husband?

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Rogue primary school teacher gives up ‘research fellow’ disguise (Rousse)

My immediate thought on waking in my office was whether or not I had any clothes to change into from my red fleece pyjamas. What I thought was a pair of black and white spotted knickers on a bookshelf turned out to be an old pair of navy blue leggings. Once I had managed to squeeze into them, it felt ‘safe’ to go out into the corridor to find out what my colleagues were up to.

All was as one might expect: RK was wandering up and down chatting to his buddies; ED had taken roost in BB’s room where she was marking up the draft of a PhD thesis; and a younger, smaller OP popped into a colleague’s room for a tutorial.

The only surprise was to find a primary school teacher sitting at a desk in the PhD students’ room. Since when had she been working in my group? As I approached her she announced that she had something to tell me in private. This was true. She had some explaining to do.

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Saved by the South Uist Sheepdog Trials (Rousse)

We were honoured to be allowed to observe the archaeological dig. Afterwards the young man in charge asked if he could commandeer our tandem to ride a little further north to another site. We said that this would be fine, and that I would accompany him.

I found it very difficult to cycle with a complete tandem novice. At one point we travelled backwards along the single track road, then crashed into a swarm of lycra-clad Sunday racers.

I was relieved when my companion spotted activity in a nearby field. The day would be saved by the South Uist Sheepdog Trials.

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The price of popularity at Newcastle University (Rousse)

I held offers from both Durham and Newcastle Universities. I went for Newcastle in the end. The academic staff at Durham were just a little too stuffy for my liking.

Many other students also preferred Newcastle – so much so that there was an accommodation crisis. One night in my first week I left my hall of residence room empty. Overnight an enterprising young undergraduate moved in. It took some effort to eject him from my bed the following morning.

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Notes on a G-string (Rousse)

While my father fretted over whether or not soup would be served at the pre-wedding breakfast the night before my cousin’s wedding in Somerset, I hunted in desperation for clean underwear.

My sister and HJ unearthed an over-complicated G-string. Aghast at the confusing mesh of pink straps and ribbons, it felt like they had asked me to try on an octopus.

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A disappointing trip to Africa with Thomson (Rousse)

A Thomson Holidays trip to North Africa was as miserable as I feared. The hotel dining room was the biggest disappointment. It was as drab as a student refectory, and at mealtimes you were obliged to share your dinner table with complete strangers. I would be having words with TPR about our ‘reduced circumstances’.

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Finns support childcare specialist spread the news in Northumberland (Rousse)

KA passed around a set of printed cards. ‘I very much hope you can come along to my talk on childcare at the Queen’s Hall, Hexham’ she said. ‘It’s sponsored by the University of Kent and Åbo Akademi, Finland’.

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Belle seduced by saucepan seller (Belle)

The sparks flew between me and the man selling saucepans in Deptford Market.  He offered to let me drink my polystyrene cup of tea in the passenger seat of his car and we sat in the dark in tense silence.  Eventually, I made a joke about sitting in his pop-up restaurant and, with the ice broken, we jumped into the back seat of his car and indulged in some heavy petting.

Later when I read an article exposing the man as an inveterate seducer of shoppers, I hardly minded.  Even if it wasn’t special between us, it had been thoroughly enjoyable.

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This singles holiday was a hideous experience.  I seemed to be the only person not willing to take part in an ‘armpit beauty pageant’ during which everyone had to present their armpit to the audience while giving a rousing speech.

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Camper van claustrophobia (Rousse)

We were all supposed to travel in the white camper van. There were seats for around ten people all squashed together on the upper deck. The driver had a little more space to himself below.

I was the first to climb up to the passenger level. I was also the first to disembark again. I explained to JM why I wasn’t staying: claustrophobia.

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The hottest tickets in town (Rousse)

My former classmate, and erstwhile rock god, HJ battled his way past his excited fans to shake TPR’s hand and give me a massive hug. At 6’3″ he’d grown somewhat since I last saw him on the campus of the University of Birmingham in 1986.

He handed over two tickets for his concert that evening: one in seat 10, and the other seat 17. The former was only a stub, but HJ was confident that we’d get past the bouncers and be well looked after as his guests.

Meanwhile my old flatmates HW and SB were also keen to get to the hottest show in town. I promised to do my best to help them to get along to the concert with us.

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