Radiation transforms terrier into reptile (Rousse)

Over the summer I used Branxton as my base, and popped into Berwick High School periodically to use the facilities there for completing my project. The house was still full of interesting artefacts associated with my maternal ancestors, including trophies that marked the astonishing achievements of my grandfather.

F was there too. My cousins had granted her permission to bring her pets to stay so she had her small black terrier cross with her. I petted it for a couple of minutes, then it turned into a long yellow lizard.

BB explained the transformation as a consequence of stepping into a pool of radiation. TPR volunteered to take a quick trip back in time to see when the dog had suffered such exposure (even though F insisted that she didn’t mind that she was now the owner of a reptile rather than a pooch).

Afterwards we all took a trip on my cousin’s bus. He drove the number 1 along the west coast of the isles of Lewis and Harris. The local passengers were particularly excited that we ‘strangers’ were using the service.

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Eggs and exercise (Rousse)

I greedily worked my way through a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs prepared for me by TPR. He took me by surprise when he told me that next we were going on a long run. Shouldn’t we have saved the feast until after our exercise?

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Dressing up for friends (Rousse)

It had been a while since I had seen SL, and rather unnerving to find her wearing a pale blue 1980s vintage cotton dress.

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Driver records 275 miles per hour en route to Oxford (Rousse)

I hit the accelerator rather than the brake and watched in horror as the speedometer recorded a top speed of 275 mph. Even travelling at this speed did not help us reach our destination of Oxford any quicker. We had drifted so far over to the east of the UK road network that it was going to take hours to find and follow a route back to the M40.

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New whisky distilled by Chinese students (Rousse)

I had never had such a rowdy class of students, nor had I ever been so poorly prepared for the start of the new academic year.

When two of the Chinese students were late because they had been distilling whisky I doubted their commitment to the course.

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Luxury ambulance fleet rescues kidnap victims (Rousse)

The rescuers carried us from the terrorists’ enclave to the safety of the most luxurious ambulances I had ever seen. I had a whole one to myself complete with an empire size bed with a memory foam mattress. The Iranian doctor was also very attentive, although I disapproved of his young companion who clung to him wherever he went, even when he was tending to me in bed.

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The corpse in the cupboard, and a German underwear display (Rousse)

The guests at the dinner table were appalled when my mother opened the cupboard door and pulled out the heavy white metal trunk that contained the corpse. Why had she kept the body for so long, and what was she about to do with it?

Meanwhile I tried to contact WB and PN to find out whether or not they would be in Edinburgh over Christmas. In the end I had to visit them in person to get an answer.

I very much admired wall displays of clean underwear in WB’s flat. She told me that this was a German tradition.

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Three pretty blondes and a dozen black birds (Rousse)

BC hosted the party in her tiny house. I’d never seen a kitchen so small, nor tried to cook in one. The sitting room was a bit bigger, and in there we had fun lining BC up on her sofa with two other tiny fit friends, JLW and ECM. We ended up with three pretty blondes, all in a row.

The party was cut short because BC’s husband GC had to deal with an industrial dispute at work. It took me longer to leave than I hoped because I was attacked by a dozen huge black ravens in the sitting room while I was packing.

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Babysitter force-feeds chocolate to foreign child in her care (Rousse)

I was appalled at the contents of my sister’s handbag. It was stuffed with sweets and chocolates, from Werther’s originals to a type of Walnut Whip crossed with a Cadbury’s Creme egg that I had never encountered before.

My sister suggested that I offered this big chocolate treat to the Jewish Hungarian girl with the Manchester accent who was perched on the back of her bike. My sister was this child’s babysitter for the whole summer holiday.

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The private life of Marcus Brigstocke (Rousse)

I chased after Marcus Brigstocke on my bike to tell him how much I liked him.

‘Why do you think that is?’ he asked.

‘Because we are demographically very similar?’ I suggested.

(It would have been rather rude to mention my interest in his private life.)

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