Bruce Springsteen spends Christmas in Scottish Highland lodge (Rousse)

Posted on October 13, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Bruce Springsteen was amongst the dozen or so guests at the highland lodge over Christmas. Bruce and I exchanged a couple of words as I was gathering some of my belongings from the deck as the first stage of packing to return home.

I had become even closer to another celebrity during our week’s stay. One afternoon, this prominent British comedian threw a dandelion head at me as a token of his affection. He had no idea how much this meant to me. I popped it into my pocket to press later.

The other attraction of this holiday venue was the heated fresh water loch. Here I swam in the open air every day, enjoying the warm water with my other swimmer friends. These included my gym pal AF.

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The ‘credible consort’ (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Graduates from all eras had achieved quite a feat in the organisation of a reunion ball at Edinburgh’s Meadowbank stadium. After all these years, I was very excited to see many of my former students.

I returned to the tower block hotel room to change into my evening finery. When I entered the lift, however, I couldn’t remember my floor number, never mind that of my room. The ‘useful’ pieces of card that I carried in my bag as reminders for such occasions all turned out to be defunct shopping lists.

More worrying was the presence in the hotel of both my husband and my ex. They had chosen this evening to tell me that they had never been faithful to me, and that my husband was still engaged in several extra-marital romances. Apparently my main function in my (supposed) partners’ lives had always been ‘credible consort’.

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An eventful conference in a bookshop (Belle)

Posted on October 11, 2024 by Dreamaticus

The conference was being held across multiple floors of the bookshop. On registration I received my delegate badge and was asked to open my handbag. As soon as I did, a woman quickly placed a ribeye steak inside and gave me a wink. This was a completely unexpected, but welcome, conference freebie.

Later, I was chatting to some American delegates when I became distracted by a Victorian round tower outside. I knew that this building was currently being squatted and I felt a wave of envy. What a wonderful place to live, I thought. Then I watched a man arrive and realised that the only access to the tower was via a vaulting pole.

Towards the end of the event, I had a rather passionate make-out session with a gay man. This was not going to develop into a relationship, I realised.

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Toddler up a lamppost (Belle)

Posted on October 11, 2024 by Dreamaticus

This was the opposite of what I expected to see on a quiet Sunday morning on the A20. Across the road, playfully giggling down at his parents, a toddler was sitting at the very top of a towering lamppost. How did he get up there, I wondered. And why were his parents asking him how he got up there rather than taking any steps to get him down? This could be fun, I thought. Maybe firefighters will have to rescue him which would be an exciting spectacle. Unwilling to gawp, I pretended to look for something in my bag, but when I looked up again, the toddler was back on the pavement, laughing at his parents.

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Made up in red, white, and blue (Rousse)

Posted on October 8, 2024 by Dreamaticus

My latest humiliation was to be forced to wear ridiculous make-up.

They plastered my pale face with chalk white foundation. Then, to my lips, they applied movie star red lipstick outlined with electric blue eyeliner.

I looked a complete fright.

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How to avoid the United States (Belle)

Posted on October 4, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Travelling around south America in a decrepit school bus was not my idea of a holiday. In fact I had no memory of how this had happened or how I got here. Everywhere we went puppies and kittens sat in the middle of the road and I had to keep getting off the bus to flag down traffic to avoid incidents.

Then off we went to Canada. The journey was – again – a mystery but now here I was staying in a squat with my friend JB. On the second day, we were setting off on a trip organised by her. I quickly ran back into the house to use the loo. When I returned, there was no sign of my friend. When I rang her she said, “Oh, we’re on the tram to Falconwood”. Angered, I walked back to the house but couldn’t find it. So I went to a café and bought a salad to take to the park. When I opened the salad it was mouldy but when I went to return it I couldn’t find the café. And now I’d forgotten where we were staying.

The only good thing about this holiday, I thought, was that we’d not gone to the United States.

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Gym buddies (Rousse)

Posted on October 4, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was pleased to be establishing myself as a core member of the gym.

This was evident, for example, in invitations to the houses of long-term members. I enjoyed sitting on R&R’s thick dark brown carpet telling them that the teenage Rousse shared their taste in soft furnishings.

I also scored highly with fitness trainer MM when I introduced him to TPR. MM was impressed to see that my husband was mixed race. He was also astonished to find that the pair of them shared mutual friend Tim Hope (who happened to have a daughter who looked just like me). I was, however, a bit disappointed that TPR looked so skinny when he stood next to MM.

At my next pilates class, I spotted sisters M and D handing money over to M. They were signing up for M’s next fitness retreat day at the end of the month. If only I could attend too, then I’d have an even greater opportunity to integrate further with my fellow gym members.

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A 15 stone friend (Rousse)

Posted on October 1, 2024 by Dreamaticus

You couldn’t miss ECM these days, now that she weighed 15 stone!

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Jilted mistress seeks kitchenware (Rousse)

Posted on September 30, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Our former neighbour J came to the right place when she needed some pans. I unlocked our shed and offered her our selection of redundant Le Creuset items. I warned her that I wasn’t giving them away; she would have to pay for anything that she took.

I was interested to learn that she needed kitchenware to set up a home on her own. Her married lover could no longer afford to keep as her as his mistress while continuing to support his wife and children as a supposed respectable married man.

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Arrested by the Donald Trump militia (Belle)

Posted on September 29, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was standing in the middle of a packed sports hall in a Mediterranean country when a group of armed men, dressed in black, pounced on me and arrested me for “sedition against Donald Trump”.

Later my travel companions came to visit me in my cell. We all agreed we needed to Google ‘sedition’. Then S said “Belle, you are due back at work on Monday – won’t your bosses be angry?” and I belly-laughed, “Are you kidding, they’ll think it’s effing cool”.

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