A [deleted] academic idiot (Rousse)

Posted on June 8, 2017 by Dreamaticus

There was precisely one hour before my first lecture of the new academic year – and I had done no teaching prep WHATSOEVER. RR urged me to at least make a couple of PowerPoint slides, while I wondered how many games I could remember to keep the class entertained for at least a couple of hours.

A further problem was that it was so long since I had been on campus that I struggled to navigate my route to class. On my way there I received in error a text message that read ‘You’re a f***ing idiot’. I could not agree more – even though I was not the intended recipient.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stevie Wonder misses his flight (Rousse)

Posted on June 6, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Stevie Wonder, his female friend, TPR, two other computer industry experts and I were chatting in the bar while Stevie and his companion were waiting for a flight.

I checked my watch. It was 19:15.

‘What time is your flight?’ I asked.

’19:15’ he replied.

‘You better run for it then’, I said.

Stevie and his companion grabbed their suitcases and sped off.

‘You’ve left your rucksack behind!’ I called after Stevie.

‘Just keep it!’ he replied.

I would add this to my collection of celebrity belongings.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An unworthy dissertation on Elizabeth I (Rousse)

Posted on June 5, 2017 by Dreamaticus

SC and I were trying to work in one of the smaller University library reading rooms.

While I was still worrying about my degree, she was marking a dissertation on Elizabeth I. She and JK wanted to fail the work on the grounds that the student had simply resubmitted her third year project with no additional work for her final year project.

The dissertation itself was a beautiful artefact. It was like a photograph album of Elizabethan art work. However, it had no academic merit whatsoever.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to go sledging – without a sledge (Rousse)

Posted on June 5, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I should have been revising for my finals, but instead accepted SC and TM’s invitation to go sledging. I knew that I was risking my degree and that it was likely that I would come bottom of the class. However, I was now so far behind in my studies that I really didn’t care.

On the way to the snowy hillside I remembered that I had not packed any footwear at all. Nor did I have a sledge. We therefore stopped off at a seaside resort so that I could make some purchases. There I bought a £1.99 plastic tea-tray toboggan, but there were no wellingtons to be found anywhere. I turned down the offer of a pair of mismatched Crocs in a size too small for me.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A case of mistaken identity and the National Trust (Rousse)

Posted on June 4, 2017 by Dreamaticus

My mother-in-law, three sisters-in-law, and one of my sisters met me and TPR in the grounds of a National Trust property for a picnic.

TPR thought that he spotted SC in the queue for the house. He called her name, and then helpfully answered the technical question that she asked on Facebook the previous day.

Unfortunately this was not SC after all, but a complete stranger whose husband was angered by TPR’s approach.

Twenty minutes later, in retaliation, I banged on the window of the house and shouted ‘Hello SC!’ at the woman. I wanted to prove that it was easy to mistake her for our friends, and TPR was innocent of nothing more sinister.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Teenage Geordie steals a snog and credit cards (Rousse)

Posted on June 4, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I arranged to meet my niece at the top of her University of Newcastle hall of residence. To reach her, however, I had to climb up a huge tower of open IKEA kitchen drawers crammed full of utensils. The only way to do this without falling into the River Tyne was to take the hand of a local guide. Mine was an overweight, red-haired, 17 year-old boy.

At the top my guide asked for payment. I was without cash, so he compromised on a snog with a 49 year-old. When I returned later for the handbag that I had accidentally left behind, I saw that this boy had also helped himself to my credit cards.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

VIP wedding guests on the Thames (Rousse)

Posted on June 3, 2017 by Dreamaticus

KJD invited me and TPR to her son J and K’s wedding. Since we had never before met KJD, nor any of the rest of the family for that matter, we were especially honoured to be seated next to the top table at the reception in the long, low redbrick caravan.

Our VIP status was confirmed later when the best man (small, neat, grey-haired) was instructed to be my chaperone for the rest of the day.

The marriage ceremony took place in a vast auditorium next to the River Thames. The seating was so flexible that it periodically switched lay-out. Whenever we were flown through the air to our new location we felt like we were enjoying a fairground ride.

I met nearly all the family at the wedding: GG was much shorter than I expected; KJD looked marvellous in a tight red satin ballgown which showed off her neat waist; O was very smiley; and KJD’s husband couldn’t stop snapping photos of me. KJD’s sister was missing, but this was understandable given the recent family tragedy.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Stephen Fry intervenes in University of Edinburgh gaffe (Rousse)

Posted on June 2, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Even Stephen Fry could not put right the terrible insult that I had directed at the University of Edinburgh.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Lego litter tidy-up (Rousse)

Posted on June 1, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I suggested to my little sister (aged 47) that she might like to clear up the mess of Lego that she had dropped all over the house.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Conference delegate agitation (Rousse)

Posted on June 1, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Out of the corner of my eye I could see JM become more and more agitated with two other conference delegates. They had clearly upset him.

LJ wandered over to ask if he needed any help, but he said that he would be OK.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment