Anti-terrorism procedures at the Shard (Rousse)

The restaurant at the top of the Shard was the venue for the wee reunion of some of my best friends from University: SPC (looking great and talking about her recent encounter with David Lodge), HW, JG and RA. CP also tagged along.

AC, a more recent friend, was also keen to join us. She waited for the rest of us in reception at the bottom of the tower, editing a web site that outlined the work of her lab.

Before we were allowed to take the lift up to the top we were all required to hand over our wristwatches in for inspection. I was held back longer than the others. The receptionist also needed to remove from my left hand some metal rods of surgical scaffolding. These had been left in my body following my recent manicure.

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An unreasonable demand for £250,000 (Rousse)

BEX was at it again. This time he was threatening the Director of Finance with leaking stories to the press unless he handed over the £250,000 that ‘belonged’ to him.

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How to progress your career (Rousse)

It was the Professional Development Review season at work. My reviewer was PN, an ancient octogenarian former librarian who was still drawing her salary.

I wasn’t terribly impressed with my reviewer’s performance. Her only advice to me in respect of career progression was that I should consider dividing my large office into two smaller rooms. Apparently she was suggesting the same to all her reviewees.

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A winning sausage conference submission, with citation indexes (Rousse)

EH and I felt obliged to attend the University research conference, even though much of the content was of little interest to us.

On our arrival we could tell that many of our colleagues had ignored the event. This was a shame for them because they missed out on the amazing three dimensional ‘posters’  displayed in the basement.

‘I wish that they would put as much effort into writing up as they do creating these impressive models’ muttered EH, drawing attention to the work of a PhD student known to be running out of registration time.

I then handed over my conference contribution: a tray of Crombies sausages. Everyone was delighted with them.

Afterwards EH and I escaped to a nearby café with one of my PhD students in tow. There we met some of EH’s friends. Unfortunately for my mono-lingual student, we all spoke in French at the table. She therefore turned her attention to the people ordering citation index searches at the counter.

‘They’ll never get those done here’, I said. ‘Tell them that they’d be much better off asking at the National Library of Scotland’.

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The PhD cheat (Rousse)

‘Why have you recently made so much progress on writing up your PhD?’ barked the professor at the cowering student, as if this was a terrible crime.

The student looked at me from across the table, and I turned to the accuser.

‘Why are you asking this question in such a manner?’ I enquired.

‘Because I have some serious suspicions’ he replied.

The student gave a good reply, highlighting better understanding of the underlying issues, growing confidence in extracting ‘meaning’ from the data, improvements in writing style through practice etc.

When the account for progress moved to the recent publication that the student had co-authored with the supervision team, I made sense of the ‘serious suspicions’. My colleague was suggesting that I had taken over the writing of the thesis!

I soon put him right. It was flattering to think that he considered me sufficiently talented to write up someone else’s PhD, but he had forgotten that I work part-time and that I had been on sick leave for almost half the year.

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Rousse supports Manchester City (Belle)

I was on a coach trip to the Manchester football derby. There were impressive fan facilities and a jumble sale.

My friend found a lovely cream and orange sweater on a stall and ran over to me. I was amazed to see Rousse’s name on the label. What a strange coincidence!  But why was she donating her jumble to Manchester City?

Later my best coat was stolen out of the locker and I missed the entire match.

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Tragedy on the ice at Edinburgh airport (Rousse)

I was one of hundreds of anonymous passengers stranded at Edinburgh airport, many of whom were returning home from ski-ing holidays. For entertainment the airline put on an evening display of ‘danses populaires’. JG took my arm and led me to the dance floor, keen to join in.

When night came we all bedded down on the hard airport floor. My spot was between JG and a BBC reporter covering the event. I had some trouble sleeping, partly due to the din of the low-flying fighter jets that passed at high speed overhead. It was also rather inconvenient that the airport redecoration programme sprung to life at night-time with painters and decorators milling around the building. I eventually settled myself by reading a book of lists.

Our sleep was interrupted by the arrival of JK. As proud of my achievements as any father, his voiced boomed across the hall of sleeping bodies as he called my name. Now that everyone knew that I was in their midst, they all wanted a part of me.

Not everyone, however, was pleased to have been dragged from their slumber in such a manner. CM and his wife were particularly annoyed. The latter jumped up from her bed on the floor, shouted loudly that she would now not be able to get back to sleep, and declared that she would go sliding on the airport ice instead. As she stepped onto the slippery tarmac JK shouted a hopeless warning ‘Don’t play there. There’s a bus coming!’ It was too late: CM’s wife was crushed under the wheels of the bus.

This was a terrible shock to us all, but especially to those who knew the M family. I felt particularly bad because CM’s wife would not have even woken up had JK not entered the hall and called out my name. JM recognised my distress and suggested that we get a drink.

We ended up in a Stockbridge pub with many others who had also been stranded at the airport and witnessed the horrific tragedy. There I hunted for someone else who knew the M family. I eventually came across NS in the queue at the bar. He told me that he wasn’t certain that CM’s wife had died, and that we should not give up hope. I found his optimism somewhat unfounded.

Meanwhile JM decided that this pub was too full for his liking, so he led me and his friends to the bus stop at the other side of the bridge on Hamilton Place to wait for the night service into town. Given that this would stop very close to my flat, I decided to return to the airport to collect my house keys. Then I could head straight home after our visit to the next bar.

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Kidnap victims escape captor by first class rail (Rousse)

BR and I were being held hostage by a crazy gunman who thought it hysterical to ‘tease’ us by holding a gun to our heads. Even funnier, in his warped mind, was to hand the deadly weapon over to each of us in turn with the request that we pull the trigger on one another.

Our only means of escape was by train to London. Unknown to our captor, PC worked on the ‘other side’ to make the bookings. He even managed to secure first class seats for us by cashing in some special vouchers.

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Abandoned in a fabulous Hebridean folk bar (Rousse)

It no longer seemed such a shame that the doctor had banned me from cycling when we saw that the Isle of Lewis was covered in unseasonal snow. Instead we took one of the tourist coaches heading from the port to our holiday destination.

In doing so we would see so much more of the island, including a fabulous folk bar not far from Stornoway. It was just a pity that the tour guide was not paying attention and accidentally left us behind in the bar.

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Son learns of surrogate half-sister through father’s ex-girlfriend mother of the baby (Rousse)

My godson James was the son of my ex-boyfriend. He hardly saw me in his childhood, but now a young adult he was keen to befriend me to learn more about the early life of his father.

This posed difficulties. Unless I asked him outright, I did not know whether he already knew about his abusive grandfather. I suspected that James may have actually suffered at the hand of his own father, so perhaps this news would not be so great a shock?

A more pressing question was whether or not I should confess to this earnest young man that I was still in a relationship with his father. What would be his reaction when he learnt that the beautiful dark-haired woman in the green silk dress was our surrogate, carrying his baby half-sister?

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