How not to stalk stoat (Rousse)

I was stalking stoat in the long grass until an idiotic woman chased my prey away by opening a cupboard loudly.

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A low-level flight over Lindisfarne and the Hebrides (Rousse)

In a tiny plane the seven of us flew over the island of Lindisfarne, then the white sand beaches of a deserted isle of the Inner Hebrides. Our pilot took great pleasure in skimming the waves with the aircraft’s wheels.

While TF wanted to know the names of every landmark that we passed, I was desperate for P and SM to appreciate the beauty of their own country.

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Belle the librarian serves Rousse the criminal (Rousse)

It was a tough route up the concrete staircase in the cold to the main library of Birmingham City University, but so worth the struggle to be greeted by squeals of joy from Belle, on duty at the main enquiry desk.

Belle explained that things had been a little dull in the library recently because all the students were absent at a sit-in. She pointed out, however, that the protest was wrongly labelled. Rather than lock themselves in the library or a lecture hall, the students had decided to campaign outside. It was thus more a ‘sit-out’ than a ‘sit-in’.

‘I’d like a SCONUL card, please’ I requested, reminding Belle of my status as a library user, and hers of librarian.

‘One of my colleagues can organise that for you’, she replied helpfully, pointing out another enquiry desk across the hall.

It was at this point that I noticed that we were surrounded by former students from many different cohorts of my long academic career. I recognised all of them, and could name most. They all looked so grown up and sensible, but I was most impressed with FF’s toned forearms.

I found a table in a quiet classroom and asked all the graduates to give an update on their careers. To begin with this went well, but I could tell that after a while they had had enough of hearing about one another’s CVs and simply wanted to get back to work.

They were all in for a shock when we returned to the library. The police had caught up with me and issued arrest warrants for all those with whom I had had recent contact. All the former students were now under suspicion of a terrible crime, just like me.

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Human horse travels uncomfortably across the Atlantic (Rousse)

Normally a seat in the second row on a transatlantic flight would mean plenty of leg room – perhaps even a bed – but not on this service.

I was sitting directly behind a mother and a baby, both of whom were squeezed into the left hand corner of the cock-pit. To the right of them was the pilot, who also happened to be the woman’s husband. My own seat was also very cramped. It was the passengers further back in the plane who had all the room, complete with beds and white muslin curtains.

On arrival in Portobello TPR harnessed me up. I was competing in a flat race, playing the role of horse against one other human competitor.

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Anti-terrorism procedures at the Shard (Rousse)

The restaurant at the top of the Shard was the venue for the wee reunion of some of my best friends from University: SPC (looking great and talking about her recent encounter with David Lodge), HW, JG and RA. CP also tagged along.

AC, a more recent friend, was also keen to join us. She waited for the rest of us in reception at the bottom of the tower, editing a web site that outlined the work of her lab.

Before we were allowed to take the lift up to the top we were all required to hand over our wristwatches in for inspection. I was held back longer than the others. The receptionist also needed to remove from my left hand some metal rods of surgical scaffolding. These had been left in my body following my recent manicure.

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An unreasonable demand for £250,000 (Rousse)

BEX was at it again. This time he was threatening the Director of Finance with leaking stories to the press unless he handed over the £250,000 that ‘belonged’ to him.

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How to progress your career (Rousse)

It was the Professional Development Review season at work. My reviewer was PN, an ancient octogenarian former librarian who was still drawing her salary.

I wasn’t terribly impressed with my reviewer’s performance. Her only advice to me in respect of career progression was that I should consider dividing my large office into two smaller rooms. Apparently she was suggesting the same to all her reviewees.

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A winning sausage conference submission, with citation indexes (Rousse)

EH and I felt obliged to attend the University research conference, even though much of the content was of little interest to us.

On our arrival we could tell that many of our colleagues had ignored the event. This was a shame for them because they missed out on the amazing three dimensional ‘posters’  displayed in the basement.

‘I wish that they would put as much effort into writing up as they do creating these impressive models’ muttered EH, drawing attention to the work of a PhD student known to be running out of registration time.

I then handed over my conference contribution: a tray of Crombies sausages. Everyone was delighted with them.

Afterwards EH and I escaped to a nearby café with one of my PhD students in tow. There we met some of EH’s friends. Unfortunately for my mono-lingual student, we all spoke in French at the table. She therefore turned her attention to the people ordering citation index searches at the counter.

‘They’ll never get those done here’, I said. ‘Tell them that they’d be much better off asking at the National Library of Scotland’.

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The PhD cheat (Rousse)

‘Why have you recently made so much progress on writing up your PhD?’ barked the professor at the cowering student, as if this was a terrible crime.

The student looked at me from across the table, and I turned to the accuser.

‘Why are you asking this question in such a manner?’ I enquired.

‘Because I have some serious suspicions’ he replied.

The student gave a good reply, highlighting better understanding of the underlying issues, growing confidence in extracting ‘meaning’ from the data, improvements in writing style through practice etc.

When the account for progress moved to the recent publication that the student had co-authored with the supervision team, I made sense of the ‘serious suspicions’. My colleague was suggesting that I had taken over the writing of the thesis!

I soon put him right. It was flattering to think that he considered me sufficiently talented to write up someone else’s PhD, but he had forgotten that I work part-time and that I had been on sick leave for almost half the year.

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Rousse supports Manchester City (Belle)

I was on a coach trip to the Manchester football derby. There were impressive fan facilities and a jumble sale.

My friend found a lovely cream and orange sweater on a stall and ran over to me. I was amazed to see Rousse’s name on the label. What a strange coincidence!  But why was she donating her jumble to Manchester City?

Later my best coat was stolen out of the locker and I missed the entire match.

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